


Charlie

by Qzeebrella



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 52,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzeebrella/pseuds/Qzeebrella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Trip suffered permanent brain damage due to his fall off the warp core in 3.10 "Similitude"?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Author's Chapter Notes:  
Spoilers for 3.10 "Similitude" and all the episodes after it and up to 4.03 "Home," however some things that happened are changed due to the injury Trip received. 

Even slight brain damage can affect you your entire life, recovering from a severe injury is a long process and you never fully get back to where you were before the injury. I may have speeded up Trip's progress for the purposes of this story. His speed of recovery and the amount he recovers is unique to himself. It is neither typical, nor is it too far from norm to be realistic. 

I have given Corporal McKenzie the name Samantha for this as tribute to a friend. The character of Corporal McKenzie never given one in canon. All characters mentioned can be found at this site: http://canon.entstcommunity.org/ Episode information and summaries from http://www.tvtome.com/Enterprise/eplist.html were consulted. 

Acknowledgements: the following sites were extremely helpful in helping me to understand a bit about brain injury and are useful resources should you know someone affected by it.: ; http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/tbrain.asp; http://www.personalinjuryfyi.com/brain_injury.html; http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec06/ch087/ch087a.html; http://www.biausa.org/Pages/home.html especially the What is Brain injury? ; and Treatment & Rehabilitation sections; http://www.craighospital.org/TBI/HealthandWellness.asp; http://www.biausa.org/Pages/coma.html; http://www.neurologychannel.com/tbi/diagnosis.shtml ; http://waiting.com/comawaiting.html ; http://www.waiting.com/brainfunction.html.

Betas: Many thanks to Redheadheart and Purpig, I could not have done it without their help. They provided much information, advice and helped correct some of the medical/therapeutic areas. Any remaining inconsistencies with reality are my fault alone.  
Sparks shot everywhere, the ship shuddered underneath his feet and Trip desperately fought to keep his balance. The ship then ground to a halt, bucking him off the warp core. He was thrown backward, hitting his head on a rail, everything going black.

 

Phlox saw the medics bringing in Commander Tucker in, a bandage on his head, neck collar on, carefully tied to the stretcher to prevent movement. Knowing from their contacting him on their way to sickbay that Tucker's life signs were stable, he motions them to place the engineer into the Imaging Chamber. Having been informed that the Engineer has suffered a head injury and had fallen from a height of about 8 feet, he quickly adjusts the IC. Giving him a Magnetic resonance angiography (MRA) giving him a clear picture of the vessels in the head and neck, then adjusting the IC allowing him to see the full damage to the head and brain. Setting aside his feelings he quickly focuses on the information the scans give him.

"The commander's spine seems to be bruised, but no break or fracture and there does not seem to be any damage to the spinal cord. He has suffered a Basilar Skull fracture, causing part of the skull to push in towards the brain. There is artery impingement from the forceful impact to the back of his head and indications of shock. The skull fracture has caused his brain to swell, but has allowed in the reduction of squeezing of brain tissue due to their being more room to swell, so to speak. Unfortunately, a bone fragment entered his brain and caused further injury. We need to stop the bleeding into the brain, reduce the swelling and repair what we can. We also have to remove a bone fragment from the brain tissue." While speaking the Imaging Chamber, releases his patient and Phlox assesses Trip using the Glasgow Coma Scale, thus giving him further insight into the severity of the injury. "The GCS is at 7, thus indicating coma and severe injury, full recovery from the injury is thus uncertain at this time." The medical team carefully moves the man to surgery, shoving to the back of their minds that this man is their friend. Allowing them to forget this and concentrate on doing what is necessary—to do what needs to be done.

The doctor and his team work diligently for hours on the commander, repairing what damage they can, to the brain, one nurse attaching the patient to an IV and then inserting a Foley Catheter as the operation progresses. Once Phlox has stopped the bleeding he removes the bone fragment from the brain, and saves it aside in the proper environment to be replaced once the swelling goes down; he closes. The nurse prepares Trip for transfer to main sickbay, making sure to secure him to the gurney. Adjusting the biobed to monitor his respiration, EEG—for electrical readings of the brain, ICP- Intracranial Pressure, and Oximeter readings to be taken to monitor the oxygen level of the blood, so as to be warned of any complications. The doctor puts him on full life support, making sure the ventilator is functioning properly, and inserts a Nastrogastric tube so as to make delivery of nutrients easier. Phlox then adjusts the biobed to send a signal to him at any sign of consciousness, seizure, or difficulty. He knows that the longer Commander Tucker is in coma, the more severe the injury is and the greater possibility of permanent disability.

He goes to his office and pages the bridge, "Captain; I need you to come down to the bridge as soon as possible in regards to Commander Tucker."

"I'm on my way doctor." Phlox noting the captain's anxious tone, releases a tension filled sigh in anticipation of passing along the bad news. He knows the Captain is the closest thing to family the Commander has on board and that it will be difficult to look into his eyes and tell him that there is nothing more they can do but wait.

"Doctor how is he?" Jonathan asks him as he enters his office.

"He has suffered a traumatic brain injury, the focal point, the point of greatest impact was to the back of the head, and thus there is significant damage to his Occipital lobe. However the impact to the back of the head also shifted the brain forward, resulting in damage to the Frontal lobe as well. The damage is greater to the left hemisphere of the brain for reasons unknown. There is evidence of brain activity, though he has not regained consciousness since the injury. I regret to say that Commander Tucker is in a coma and I cannot say when he will regain consciousness.

"Doctor, we need Trip, without him the ship and the mission will be in grave danger. There has to be something you can do."

"We've already done as much as we can captain. We've repaired what we can and can now only wait for Commander Tucker to wake to see how the damage has affected him."

"But...but...before there has always been something one of your animals could do, like your eel helping to repair internal damage. Please, there must be something you can do to help Trip, fix whatever is wrong in his brain."

"I'm sorry Captain, I wish there was something more I could do. However, neurological tissue is the most complex in the human body and there is very little we can do even now to repair it. Short of pulling a duplicate of the Commander from up my sleeves, with all his memories and capabilities intact, there is nothing I can do, and unfortunately even that is impossible as I do not know how to perform magic."

Jonathan stood for a moment, concentrating on breathing in and out, head in his hand, trying not to break down. He knows that he needs to keep his control, that at the moment the ship will have to take priority over his friend. That regardless of the fact that Trip is like a brother to him, he must put aside his anxiety, his urge to cry, his desire to yell at the universe, until there is time to do so. "Okay, so the damage affected different parts of his brain, when he comes out of coma, what will that mean for him? He will recover enough to eventually take up his duties as Chief Engineer, won't he?"

"I'm afraid there is no way of knowing for certain just how much he will eventually recover, how much function he will have until he regains consciousness. I can say that the recovery will be a long process and that the longer the Commander remains in a coma, the possibility of permanent brain damage increases." Phlox touches Jonathan's shoulder, attempting to ease the pain this news will cause.

"I see." Swallowing hard, he says "let me know of any changes in his condition. I will visit him as often as I can."

"Engineering to the captain," the COMM sounds, Lieutenant Hess' voice drifting through sickbay, "we've repaired the damage the cascade failure caused, however we can not seem to get the ship to move. Can you see if Commander Tucker will be available to assist soon?"

"I'm in sickbay now, I'm afraid Commander Tucker will not be available for the foreseeable future. I will come down and explain the situation." Nodding to Doctor Phlox, he leaves sickbay, his face grim. Dreading breaking this news to Trip's people, as he knows how popular the southerner is to his crew.


	2. Chapter 2

Malcolm takes a deep breath, straightening his uniform jacket, making sure to get his emotions under strict control, before exiting the turbolift and heading for sickbay. Trip had told him that today's work on the warp engines was a simple upgrade to improve them, but somehow that simple upgrade had gone terribly wrong. In the resulting chaos, as the Engineering team did what they could to fix the damage, Trip had been thrown off the top of the warp core and onto the unyielding floor below. All he had been told was that Trip was in grave condition in sickbay and that Phlox had worked on him for hours before stabilizing him. Hours that Malcolm had to shove all worry for his friend to the back of his head as he manned his post and helped as much as he could.

Hours that seemed more like weeks, especially when the Captain had sent him down to engineering to assist and he saw the huge pool of dried blood near the warp core. Blood that he believed was Trip's. The first thing he did was clean it up himself and once he had he saw Lieutenant Kelly and the other engineers relax a bit from their tension. Though the team was working efficiently, they were obviously worried for their boss and a bit distracted. So he went from person to person, comforting them, lending an ear or a hand as necessary and though he could not take away the worry, they seemed to appreciate his efforts. The moment he could be spared from Engineering, he had headed toward sickbay.

Walking through the door, nodding briefly at the other injured people and Phlox's helpers, wanting to see Trip with his own eyes, he goes straight to the curtained area, knowing Trip is inside it. He enters seeing a bandaged Trip with tubes seemingly everywhere. The biobed monitor showing his life signs all but the one on the far left within norms. He is glad he knows what the norms look like due to his many visits to sickbay, but worried sick over the one indicator not within norms and wondering what that indicator monitors.

Malcolm feels a cold chill travel through him as he sees Trip is unconscious, pale, eyes closed, completely still except for his breathing. "Trip," taking the Engineer's hand in his, "I'm here. Everything is back to normal in engineering. The upgrades you were doing to the Engines were not responsible for the damage to the ship. We got caught in some strange anomaly, a polaric field and are working on a way to get out of it. Think of it being like a sailing ship in the Sargasso Sea, when the wind would go deadly calm and the ship would be unable to move, and it would be trapped there. We seem to be in such an area now, but your team and I should be able to find a way out of here quickly enough. Though, I do admit, you'd likely find a solution much faster than we could. I do wish I knew what your status was though. I do hope Phlox comes by soon to tell me just what it is you managed to do to yourself and how quickly you'll be up and around, and tormenting me about my fascination with things that go boom."

"I'm afraid Commander Tucker won't be up and around any time soon." Phlox's voice from just behind him, startling him and making him jump. Still holding Trip's hand, "Why not? Are his injuries that bad?"

"I'm afraid so," The doctor started to explain, "Commander Tucker has suffered a severe brain injury as a result of his fall from such a great height. His skull was fractured when it hit the guardrail just before he fell off the warp core. This has left him with damage to his Occipital and Frontal lobes, with greater trauma to the Left Hemisphere. This trauma has left the Commander in a coma. His full recovery is uncertain at best, but I have been able to safely remove the bone fragment from his brain, repair the bleeding within the brain, and have done what is possible to lessen the damage. Though there is no method of bringing a patient out of coma, I am encouraged by the evidence of brain activity the biobed monitoring has shown, so, given time he may wake on his own."

Malcolm knew he was just standing and staring at the doctor but found it impossible to speak. He was terrified, bitterly cold, finding it hard to breathe, the last time he was like this he was on the shuttle pod expecting to die. He wondered why it was Trip's list of injuries made him feel as if he was losing his hold on life. He saw Phlox bring a chair to him and indicate that he sit, once he's sitting he asks, "So, when he wakes from the coma, he will be okay, right?"

"I'm sorry, but there is no way to tell right now just how much the Commander will recover. The damage to the brain is severe enough that he could be left with permanent physical, cognitive, and/or behavioral impairments. But there is always hope; my staff and I will do all we can to ensure as full a recovery as is possible." Phlox smiled slightly, trying to reassure the young man.

"Understood doctor." Malcolm whispered, throat sore, "May I come visit him often, talk to him, read to him, will that help?"

"It may indeed." He confirmed, just as an alarm sounds from the other end of sickbay. "Visit as often as you wish I will come by and see you later."

Malcolm watched the Denobulan hurry out of the curtained area and continued sitting next to his friend, holding his hand. "I'll be here for you, no matter what. You are and always will be my friend; you had better hurry and wake up soon, for I am looking forward to getting to figure you out, Trip."


	3. Chapter 3

While sitting with Trip, several of Trip's staff came and went, Malcolm telling them what he could. After having sat with Trip for an hour, the Captain arrived. "How's Trip doing? Has he been awake, at all?"

"No," Malcolm says, gesturing for Jonathan to sit. Knowing the captain has been briefed on Trip's injuries. "He's has been in the coma for more than 6 hours now, which is troubling. According to a medic that came by, that indicates that the damage is very severe."

"Oh God," Jon, putting his head in his hands, "I don't know what I'll do without Trip, what Enterprise will do. Every minute we're in this polaric field, the closer we get to life support breaking down completely. I was hoping Trip would be awake and able to suggest a way we could get out."

"Perhaps you should speak to Lieutenant Hess, sir. She is his chief assistant and might be able to offer some suggestions. If you like, I could work with her and see if between us we can come up with a solution."

"I've talked to her already and she's stumped, I'm sure she would appreciate your help though. I've heard her and Trip say that you come up with innovative ideas. Until we get free of this area of space, I'd like you to spend your duty hours in Engineering." Jon smiled at him, "I know Trip always appreciated your insight, even if he did call you 'trigger happy.'"

"Yes sir," with one last squeeze of Trip's hand, he stood, "I'll get right on it as I've had enough of a rest for now. I will keep you updated on our progress."

"Please do, I'll see you later."

As he left the curtained area, Malcolm heard Jon talking to Trip in a low voice. Knowing how they've been like brothers for the last dozen years, he wonders how Jon can bear the sight of Trip so still and helpless. He can only hope he will be able to help both Trip and Jon through this time. He sighs as he realizes the only way he will be able to ease the Captain's burden, even a little, would be through offering friendship. Though this will make things somewhat uncomfortable personally, due to his strict adherence to the fraternization protocols, he knows it is something Trip would want him to do.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Trip, I finally have a bit of time to myself, so I came to talk." Jon started, looking down at his friend, who could be mistaken for being asleep. "God, I don't know what to say. I wish you would look up at me and tell me to stop chasing my own tail."

Sighing, as there is no response to that, "well, I promise you that we will find a way to get out of this area of space and find the Xindi. I promise I will do everything I can to stop them from destroying Earth and to make them regret killing Lizzie. I wish there were some way to reach you, some way to get you to wake up and curse me out for taking the weight of the world on my shoulders and not sharing the burden."

Smiling a moment at realizing something, "hey, did you know Malcolm was holding your hand? I never thought I'd see the day he'd bend enough to do that much less continue to do that in front of a superior officer. You have been very good for him, helping him come out of his shell and soften that stiff upper lip thing he had going on. Though how you dragged him into some of the things you did, I'll never know. Just how did you get him to go with you into that duct to try to find the power source of that space station?"

"Yeah, I know you told me it was with a dose of southern charm and the patented Tucker irresistibility. But there are times when I think you just bulldozed the walls he had around him and carried him away. Did I ever tell you how much I enjoyed watching the two of you arguing? Your fights are legendary among the crew; everyone says how after tearing into each other for awhile you're bound to come up with a solution to any problem."

The events of the day catch up to him, causing him to yawn, "don't worry you aren't boring me. It's just been a very long day; I'll head home for now. I'll see you later. Unless of course, you escape sickbay wearing only the sickbay gown and make a run for it to engineering." Sighing sadly, wishing Trip could do that. He heads home, wondering if Trip will ever be himself again.


	5. Chapter 5

The doctor sits wearily in his chair, knowing it's been 24 hours since the commander was first brought in. For the first time since coming onto Enterprise, he feels helpless. His friend, his patient is no longer in immediate danger of dying. There is nothing he can do to make him better, no method of repairing the damage completely. Once they had started to accept non-urgent COMMs, he and his staff have answered what seems like thousands of inquiries into Trip's condition. He really hates it when he has no answers to give to his patients loved ones and friends. He pours himself some tea, allowing himself a few minutes of rest. He picks up the mug and takes a sip, when all hell breaks loose. Alarms going off like crazy from the direction of Trip's bed.

Phlox rushes to Trip's side at hearing one of the monitors go off. Reaching his side at the same time as the on-shift medic, they check the readings and see the tremors shaking their patient's body. "Medic, a hypo of lorezepam please. I had hoped the anticonvulsants would prevent seizures at this stage," he says as he administers the hypo and waits to see if the seizure lessens, "this additional dose might help control them however."

Making sure to note the dose and time of the medication, he watches as the tremors cease and the EEG go back to normal. "We'll keep him on a slightly larger dose of the Dilantin as the main anticonvulsant for now. McFarlane, please check on the commander every 2 hours and tell your replacement to do the same. I would like body positioning, and range of motion exercises to be started as well, the first 4 hours from now."

"Understood doctor," McFarlane says, readjusting Trip's position, making him as comfortable as possible.

"I will take all the information we have so far on the injuries and the latest information from the biobed to my office to see if I can come up with a more detailed care plan. We may need to adjust his dose of Impedrazine, as the swelling from the cranial trauma isn't reacting the way I had hoped."

Ensign McFarlane watches Phlox leave the area, having no other patient to attend to at the moment he sits by Trip's side. "Hi, it's me Micky, I know that we barely know each other since we have different shifts, but on the occasions I saw you in the mess hall you were usually surrounded by people and laughing. I'll be one of your nurses; Liz will be taking over for me in about 8 hours. We'll be turning you in bed, massaging you, and basically just making sure you stay in good health. We'll also be telling you all the gossip when there is a chance to and try to help your friends and the crew when they visit."

"Now, onto the gossip, which is more interesting than me going on and on about what my job is. Chef chased Foster out of the kitchen about half an hour ago. Chef was wielding one of his bad ass butcher knives, you know, the kind the stewards have said are more like swords in length. Its a good thing Foster can run fast, I'd hate to think of what Chef would have done if he had caught up to him. Apparently Foster had told Chef his chili was awful and that any decent chili would...well, that's as far as he got before being chased out of sickbay."

"Other than that, everyone is working hard on finding a way to get us out of this area of space, last I heard Lieutenant Reed and Kelly were working on a simulation that they wouldn't let anyone else see. So, between them, they likely found a solution."

"Well, I do have other duties I must attend to; I'll turn on some soft Blues music for you as I've heard you like it. I'll turn it off the next time I come by."


	6. Chapter 6

The morning after getting free of the anomaly they were trapped in, Malcolm walks into sickbay carrying a breakfast tray for himself. Hoping it will be okay if he eats breakfast while visiting Trip. Going straight to the curtained area he sets the tray down and sits. He takes Trip's hand in his, "hi; it's Malcolm again. A lot has happened since yesterday, when I visited you last. Kelly and I worked on our being stuck in the polaric field and I missed not being able to argue about all the alternatives, us shouting at each other, and you looking at me as if you wanted to get your hands around my neck. It amazed me a bit to find a solution with her in spite of not arguing over all the details the way you and I usually do."

"I'll tell you about it as I eat, as I know if you could you'd tell me 'look even almighty and all-powerful armory officers have got to eat. Now get that food down you're throat before I shove it down.'" He smiles as he lets go of Trip's hand, takes the lid of the tray off and starts to eat the pancakes he chose for himself. " 'Yes sir, I'm eating, sir.' I would reply just to get you wound up, which you likely already knew. Anyway, I told Christina about being in the polaric field reminded me of the old sailor's tales of the Sargasso Sea. Of how ships would get stuck and entire crews die there, unable to get out. How, in legends, the seaweed was blamed, but that it was more likely to be a long absence of wind that kept them there. Of how the captains of the old sailing ships used to try lowering some crew in longboats to tow the ship out or to try to reach land."

"And I got an idea," Crewman Christina Kelly smiles as she comes into the area and sits on Trip's other side, "Chris here, Malcolm was likely going to claim it was his idea."

"It was," Malcolm insisted, taking a sip of tea.

"No, it was mine. We found out how the polaric field worked, at the center of it was a small, dense, highly magnetic swirl of particles that a whole bunch of other particles were revolving around. It was like being caught in a whirlpool and we and we were on the outer edge of it. A magnetic coating had attached to the hull and was pulling us toward the center; however, I felt that if we could tow the ship far enough away from the center, we'd get free."

"But she wouldn't have thought of that if I hadn't mentioned the sailors trying to tow ships out of the Sargasso Sea." Malcolm insisted, finishing his meal.

"Yes I would have and I was the one to figure out how to overcome the force dragging us toward the center of that field."

"That you did, Trip you and your people are brilliant. Kelly did a bang up job getting all the engineers to implement the plan while Hess kept everything running."

"Thank you, sir, I enjoyed working with you on it. Though I did worry you'd try suggesting blowing up a torpedo between us and the center of the polaric field, in the hopes we'd be pushed away by the force of the explosion."

"Christina, you make it sound as if one of the first things I think of in a crisis is our explosive capability. Not all of my solutions involve torpedoes, guns and explosives."

"Maybe not sir, but, we all know that you love things that go boom and will do everything you can to make sure you get to play with them often." She smiles at him, then turns to Trip with a wistful expression.

"I'm due up on the bridge shortly," having noticed her expression, "I'll be back later Trip, I'll see you later Crewman." He stands, takes Trip's hand in his for a moment and squeezes gently, "I'll see if I can bring you anything from your place when I return tonight."

As he walks out of the enclosure, he carries his tray with him and makes a mental note to check with Captain Archer on what Trip's family has been told and whether they've sent any messages for him.

Christina looks at her boss, lying so still, the only sign of life his breathing. "Commander, we're all rooting for you, keeping your chair warm and patting the warp core for you. Hess is doing her best to encourage us, but we're all worried sick about you."

She smiles and gently pokes him; "just what is going on between you and Malcolm? What was up with him holding your hand like that?"

"I suppose it doesn't really matter," she sighs, "its just not the same, working in Engineering without you. When you're around everyone talks and laughs, right now though, well I've been to libraries that weren't as quiet. You make things more alive and well, we've decided to take turns visiting you while Phlox holds you hostage. I was lucky enough to get the first shift and I'll pass the word to make sure we don't come in when the captain and Malcolm are visiting. Hess did say to tell you she's eyeing your filing system." She laughs, "we all know how you hate her messing with your office, so you'd better hurry, get well and come back and stop her."

"I saw the strangest thing when I came off duty to come to here, Foster was hiding in one of the access tubes saying something about, 'I just wanted him to add a little ketchup.' I'm not sure what that was all about, but he wouldn't come out."

"I also saw Travis and Hoshi walking together, Travis talking up a storm, Hoshi smiling. They've been seen together a lot. Some people are saying their dating, others that they're just friends. Well, I can now tell you its official, I saw them kissing just before getting in the turbolift together. So, they must be dating."

She sees Liz come into the room with basins of water, washcloths and towels, "I'd better go now, Liz is here and it looks as if she's going to give you a bath. Much as I wouldn't mind seeing you naked, I doubt you'd want me to watch." Smiling at Liz, "take good care of him."


	7. Chapter 7

A few days later, Malcolm comes back to sickbay, carrying several message tapes full of messages from the Tucker's and his nephew's 6th grade class. "Hi, its Malcolm, I come bearing gifts. I have voice messages from your family and your nephew's class. Your parents asked me to play their message for you first and I have the recordings set so that their messages are the first you hear. I'll start the playback, then head to the armory for a bit. I'll be back in a couple of hours." He makes sure the sound is at a good level before leaving, knowing the sickbay staff will shut the recordings off if they cause any distress to Trip.

"Hi Charlie, as your mama I'll always worry about you." The first message starts, a lovely soft soprano voice fills the room. The southern drawl tinting the voice with honey. "I wish I could be there for you right now. I just want to be there and kiss your cheek, hold your hand, and shake you awake the way I used to do. I keep adjusting the engines of the hover cars and the shuttles, keeping everything in good working order. Your dad's been spending a lot of time on the garden, tearing weeds out and digging up new sections of ground. It's what he's doing to get his frustrations out—he's going to record his own message for you and attach it to the end of mine." Trip's eyes blink occasionally as the message plays, whether in reaction to the tone showing Mama's love, or the underlying worry, or just unintentional movement—no one can say.

"I'm hammering out a shuttle engine that'll function for a longer period of time, has several redundancies built in, including a back- up life support system. I'm hoping it will be of use to you and your ship one day. Make it just a bit safer for you. I don't want a repeat of that time you and Malcolm almost froze to death." The voice trails to an almost unheard grumble, "I'll never understand why the two of you didn't just cuddle together, put the blankets one on top of the other and share body heat. I thought I had raised you to think of that sort of thing, that you knew what to do in the face of hypothermia."

"Anyhow, when Jon first told me what happened to you, God it was so hard not to steal a shuttle and make my way to you. I'm still tempted to do it, I want to be there, or have you here. But it may be months before I can get to see you. Getting updates from Phlox, Jon and that Malcolm of yours isn't quite the same as being there and seeing you with our own eyes. I've recorded a whole week's worth of messages and sent them with this one, I'll have Malcolm play one a day for you."

"Your sister Sarah is pregnant again, she's hoping to give you a niece this time. Your brother Billy Bob and his girl are going to get a child from an orphanage, one of the kids orphaned by the attack. I'm so proud of you Charlie," her voice choking for a moment, "going out to try to find those monsters that just came out of nowhere and killed millions of people. I know without you the Enterprise would not have gotten so far. You're a hero to me and to the family but you're also my little boy. And I want you to listen up to what I've got to say."

"I want you to wake up just as soon as you can and send me a message home. I need to hear your voice Charlie, so you hurry up and wake up or I'll come in there and throw cold water on you." There is a moment of silence after Mama speaks before the next message is heard.

"Hell, I don't know what to say Charlie," a gruff voice fills sickbay, enough like Trip's that a nearby nurse has to stop what she's doing and breathe deeply. She only notices the difference in the voices as the message continues, noticing Trip's dad's voice sounds 'older' and a bit deeper. "As your pop I just wish I could somehow fix everything. I wish I had been there to protect you and now all I can do is send a message. Your mom says I should tell you what I've been doing and what's been going around here, well, I've pulled about a million thistles from the ground, pretending they were Xindi and kicking a lot of dirt around. People here in North Dakota are really weird, it's like living in a Rockwell painting. They all have strange accents too and all claiming mama and I have the accents."

"I've been working on the native plants in the area, cataloguing them and doing what I can to get the endangered ones closer to getting off the list of threatened species. I know you don't quite understand botany, so I won't bore you with what I am doing in regards to that. I'm trying to surprise your mother with her anniversary present, a trip to Ireland to visit Sarah and her family, but your mama usually sees through my surprises. I just hope she will want to go rather than stay here and worry about you."

"I know she's been checking our incoming messages several times a day, I see the record every time I go to check for messages. I've been following the Gator's season and they're doing pretty good, their last game against the Georgia Bulldogs they won 31 to 24, the Bulldogs surrendered 251 rushing yards on 47 attempts. Our quarterback, The Hurricane led the decimation of their team. He was hit hard a few times, the Dogs trying to hamstring him. Things got ugly in the stands at one terrible call by the Ref, refusing to flag the Dogs for Encroachment. We all know the Dogs are dirty enough to do that and the Ref should have called it."

"We fooled the Dogs by wiping them off of the field. I celebrated by having a Growlin' Gator Larger and some pork rinds. I'm really looking forward to seeing you again and watching a game with you. It'd be great to kick back and have a few beers and talk about the Gators. Like your mother, I've sent a whole batch of messages for you. You get better soon; otherwise your mama will drive me crazy with her worry."

As the next message plays, the nurse wonders for a moment if Trip's father decided to have two play now or whether Malcolm set the messages up wrong. Though it would be highly unusual for Malcolm to make a mistake like that, he has been out of his mind with worry. But then she hears, "It's me Billy Bob, your brother. The one you didn't even say hey to when you were back here on Earth. Get too good for me? Or were you just short of money and remembered you owed me 50 from our last poker game? You ever going to pay that?"

"You always did take your time paying me back a debt. Heck, I think you still owe me 2 credits for that ring you bought Lizzie once. I'll let that debt slide though, Lizzie sure was proud of that thing. Hell, I'm sure she wore it on a chain all the time even when...damn."

"I wish I had been there for her, I should of been there. Maybe I could have gotten her to safety, protected her, like you and I helped her with that vicious bully Mary Sue."

"At least I was here on Earth and able to hear the updates as they occurred. Here when the memorial service was on, here where mama and pops and the others helped me through it. Who did you have? You didn't even have your big brother Billy Bob the Bruiser."

"Hell, I'm sure Jon would've talked to you and tried to help. But even if he's sort of like a second brother to you, it's not as good as your real brother."

"Anyway, you wake up, you hear? If you don't, I'll come over there and give you a wedgie. Just like old times. And if when you wake, you don't remember owing me 50 for our last poker game, well, that's all right. Just as long as you're okay, I don't care about getting the money back." The masculine voice is replaced by one that reminds the nurse of Scarlett O'Hara, it's just that genteel and southern.

"Charles Tucker the 3rd, you get out of bed right now and get back to work! You know that it's not right to sleep in when there's work to be done. Now, you wake up and show my son a good example, no more of this laying about!"

"Did that work? Are you awake? Do I have to send in my son Tucker in with some ice cubes?" She sighs heavily, "I'm feeling so very guilty, not that I think I'm the cause of you being hurt and unconscious, just...well, when you didn't even come visit the last time you were on Earth I got so angry. I needed you Trip. I needed to see you and hold you and make sure with my own eyes that you were safe. I never got to do that and now, well, I may never get to do it."

"Loosing Lizzie was hard for all of us, I know it was devastating for you, but it tore us apart too. It shredded me apart, she was my only sister, my best friend who I was always able to go to for a good laugh and a good cry. Now she's gone and I could have really used a hug from my irritating brother Trip. The one that used to put frogs and snakes in my bed, the one that pushed me into mud puddles in front of cute boys, and the one that knocked George flat on his ass for hurting me."

"Now that I've given you a talking to for not coming to see me when you were on Earth, I'll let you know what's up here. I'm pregnant, 4 months as of my sending this message. I'm really hoping you wake before the baby's born and that you come visit us soon. I know Tucker is longing to see you. He's climbing the walls with worry and acting out right now. His grades have taken a nose dive and he doesn't even complain when I make him eat brussel sprouts."

"He's crazy about you, says he wants to be in Starfleet one day. Thinks he'd like to study the stars specifically. He used to make these maps of the stars, not only the view from Earth with the constellations marked out, but the view from space too. He has one in his room, that has tacks on all the stars you've visited so far in your travel. At least the ones we know about."

"When I heard what happened to you from Jonny and Doctor Phlox, I was worried to a frazzle. I didn't know what to do or how to react. I'm still ashamed that one of my first reactions to the news was anger. I even yelled out, when no one was home, "How can you do this to me Trip?" Which isn't very logical, it wasn't your fault. The one thing that snapped most of the anger right out of me was the message from Malcolm Reed."

The voice grows rich with hidden laughter, "You do know, hearing his voice amused me greatly. Not because it's strange, but because it's elegant and so very British. What amused me is how you, when I first met Shannon, used to tease me about his Irish accent and how I loved him for that. And that that was the only reason you were drawn to Shannon and became friends with him. That the accent just must do something to us Tucker's. Now, you've got yourself a boyfriend with an English accent."

"Oh, I know he told me he was only your friend and that you have only called him a friend in your letters home. But you also wrote of how you looked forward to seeing him all the time, loved to talk to him, and that you never had as much fun arguing with someone as you love to argue with him. So I know how you feel about him, or felt before your accident. And judging from how far out of his way he went to make sure we were all able to send messages to you, I think I know how he feels too."

"So listen to me, just this once, wake up. Not for me or mama or pops or Billy Bob. Not even for Jonny or Malcolm. Wake up for you. You used to love life and showed it and I want you to do that again soon. So wake up, or I'll put a frog in your bed and see how you like it."


	8. Chapter 8

Jon heads toward sickbay two weeks after the accident, worried that there has been no sign of improvement. Worried sick that there has been just more of the same.

"Hi Trip, its me Jon," seeing Porthos jump onto the bed, "Porthos is the one licking you, just so you know. He misses having you around throwing balls for him and taking him for walks occasionally." Jon picks Porthos up, holds him in his arms so he can't hurt Trip accidentally. Holding him in such a way that he can still touch Trip and lick him.

"I don't know if Malcolm mentioned it to you, but we saw Daniels again recently. I'm not sure why he keeps coming here when there must be others who can work with him, others closer to his time. I mean, to me anytime he comes back to our time and talks to me about the timeline or has me do something for him, well, isn't that affecting the timeline? Unless he's supposed to come back at certain times so as to whisk me away or have me do things. But that implies predestination, and I hate feeling as if I'm predestined to do certain things."

"I prefer to believe that my future is what I will make it be not something Fate makes happen. Besides any time Daniels comes by I have to think of all those temporal paradoxes you and I talked about in regards to that paper you wrote on Temporal Physics as applied to Jules Verne's work and what we've experienced. I have to say; even thinking of the paradoxes or the basics confuses me. I'm much better with Zoology and literature."

"Anyway, Daniels told me that the Xindi somehow made it back to the year 2004 to try to wipe out human life back then somehow. Daniels told me that another crewperson and I would have to go back and try to stop them. Well, I decided to take T'Pol with me since she has a better grasp on general science and would be more likely than I to connect the dots and figure out just what the Xindi were up to back then."

"Malcolm protested, as usual, thinking either I or T'Pol should stay behind and someone in Security or one of the MACO's go with whomever else went as protection. I hate it when he implies I can't take care of myself." Jon rubs his hand over his head and Porthos nudges his elbow with his nose before cuddling closer to Trip. "I know, I know, you two can quite down. I know Malcolm isn't implying I can't take care of myself. I know its his job to try to keep me alive and in one piece. I know he was just doing his job, its just, well, it doesn't sit well with me to send someone else out on a potentially dangerous mission. I worry endlessly when I do that and start pacing up and down the bridge."

"Besides, T'Pol and I did a great job with the mission, she looks very nice in casual Earth clothing." He sighs with the memory of her in those slacks. "We work very well together as a team, even got to do a good cop, bad cop routine back then. The Xindi were trying to genetically engineer a virus to kill everyone on Earth. We stopped them in the nick of time. Though, well, now I wonder if we hadn't gone back on the day and time that we did, let say put it off to today, would we still be here? It makes my head hurt trying to figure out why we had to go back right then and there when Daniels came and sent me back instead of waiting till today. I'll never understand how time travel works."

"I'll just stop thinking of that part of the mission. I left Malcolm in charge back here, T'Pol and I were back in 2004, overnight, almost a whole day. But though it was hours to us, it was only seconds to Malcolm. Which is confusing to me in a different way, but I'll work it out in my mind eventually. I've heard that Malcolm visits you every day and has for the 2 weeks you've been in here. The nurses have told me he's even reading comics to you, sorry, 'graphic novels' and discussing the weapons he's seen in them and just how they could work."

"I don't quite know why he finds weapons so interesting," Jon pets Porthos, "but I'm glad he's visiting you every day for breakfast and then an hour in the evening. He's a good friend and he's been joining T'Pol and I for dinner, I've been talking to him on how hard it is for me to see you like this."

"And amazed every time he confides in me about how frustrated, scared and lonely he is. He's really opening up to me. Becoming a good friend and Porthos is crazy about him."

"I just hope you'll wake soon so you can tease him about actually reading and enjoying graphic novels. He's been caught reading them when he's away from here and on his own. Foster's finally come out of the access tunnel he was in and gone back to work in Security. Amanda Cole, the MACO you liked..." he sighs, as if trying to figure out just how to phrase it, "she seems to be dating the Quarter Master now. Apparently they both like the Florida Gator's, the football team you were always talking to me about."

"Let's see, what else is going on?" Jon suddenly laughs, "Liz played one of her practical jokes on Travis today convincing him she was about to turn into a butterfly. I don't know how she managed to do that, you'd think Travis would be onto her by now."

"It's getting late, Porthos and I will head back home now, but we'll both be back to visit you again."

Turning to leave sickbay, he hears a moan behind him. "Trip?"

He turns back in time to see Trip's eyes open, but not focusing on anything. He hears the biobed alarm sound and stands out of the way in case this is a sign of something going wrong instead of a good sign.

Phlox come in and smiles at seeing Trip, "Commander Tucker might be emerging from the coma, we'll have to wait and see to be sure, but the EEG looks promising."

The doctor goes to Trip and using the Glasgow Coma scale to measure the commander's response to outside stimuli. "Commander you are now reacting to outside stimuli now, however recovery will likely be very slow. Your responses are nonspecific and your reflexes are limited. But, things are looking up, as you would say, as you are out of the non-responsive state, which is an improvement. There is no way to tell at the moment how long it will take before you can get to the point of leaving sickbay."

Hearing Trip's moan and seeing his head nod, "he understands!" So overwhelmed with joy, Jon feels tears come to his eyes.

"I'm afraid that's highly doubtful captain," Phlox informs him, "as it will be quite some time before he can process everything. When coming out of coma, a patient is normally very confused, disoriented and needs help to relearn everything. Think of it as being reborn and the commander as being as reliant on our help, guidance and teaching as a newborn. Due to the damage to his Occipital lobe he will likely have problems processing visual information, making it difficult to tell the difference between a circle and a square. He is likely very confused and unable to understand what is going on at the moment, but it will still be helpful to talk to him, explain what has happened and comfort him while he's awake."

Jon nods, understanding, Liz had warned him that Trip would be confused when waking. However, he had lived in hope that movies were right and that Trip would emerge from the coma, hop off the biobed and walk with him to the armory to give Malcolm the surprise of his life.

"Trip," hearing how raspy his voice is, he clears his throat and tries again. "Trip, you were in an accident. You were on the top of the warp core when the ship was shaken severely and you fell off the warp core, knocked silly in the fall. You're in sickbay now and have been for two weeks, everyone's been coming to visit you, especially Malcolm. We'll be here as you recover, just stay with us please, stay out of the coma. That's an order by the way, not a request, please follow it. I know Malcolm will love seeing you awake again, so hold on for him, for all of us."

At that Trip's eyes close, his breathing evens out, "has he...he hasn't gone back into the coma has he?"

"No captain, he hasn't." Phlox reassures him, "The EEG readings indicate normal sleep, why don't you go tell Malcolm and the crew the good news about Trip's starting to wake up while my team and I assess him?"

"Sounds good, lets go Porthos, we have an Armory officer to cheer up."


	9. Chapter 9

Jon enters the armory and sees Malcolm near the rear phase canon, "Malcolm; I need to see you in your office."

For a moment, Malcolm worries that Trip has taken a turn for the worse, but seeing the smile on Jon's face dares to hope for good news. Goes to his office with Jon and Porthos, "What is it?"

"Trip woke up briefly from his coma; he opened his eyes and moaned a little but was unable to talk. He was only awake for a few minutes, but the doctor seems to think this is a good sign."

Feeling a bit dizzy, he sits down and looks at Jon. "It's...oh, I wish that I had been there. Hopefully the next time I go he will be awake and I can finally see his eyes again. I know it will still be some time before he can talk, but even to just see his eyes will be wonderful."

"What makes you think he won't be able to talk right away? I thought it would be possible."

"Captain," Malcolm starts, "Jon, sit down." Once Jon was seated he asks, "have you had time to read through the information the doctor gave us on the basic recovery process?"

"I glanced through it, but I haven't had time to really read it."

"Well, recovery from such a traumatic injury to the brain is considered by doctor's a lifelong process. The initial waking up to the time the person is able to do without 24 hour care, well though some people don't make it to being able to live without constant care others go back to being almost like they were before the injury. Trip may have to relearn how to do even the most basic tasks of dressing, how to talk, and everything else. There is also the possibility Trip will never get back to what he was, that his behavior will always be affected, his ability to do his job curtailed among other things. We have to be prepared to be there for him regardless of what changes we see in him and what he needs to relearn how to do."

"Oh boy," Jon takes a deep breath and releases it, "I just keep hoping someone could wave a magic wand and make Trip better, have him back to normal."

"I wish that was possible too Jon," Malcolm reassures him, "I think it would help you a lot to study the information the doctor gave us, it will give you a better idea of what to expect in the coming days than I ever could. But if you ever need to talk let me know and I will be there for you."

"I'll do that, thanks Malcolm." Jon stands and gestures for Porthos to join him. "I'll let Trip's crew know what's going on, then the bridge crew, and then the general crew. By that time Enterprise should be in an area of the Expanse where communicating with Earth will be possible and I'll send a priority message to the Tucker's. I just thought you should know the latest news right away."

"I'm glad you came to tell me, you should try to get some sleep soon Jon, as you look completely fagged."

Jon smiles, "I take it that means exhausted, I'll do that Malcolm. I'll see you tonight for dinner." He clasps Malcolm's shoulder briefly before leaving, hoping to encourage him. Having to wait at the door to Malcolm's office as Porthos gets in one last pet before leaving to talk to Trip's crew.


	10. Chapter 10

Malcolm goes to sickbay just as soon as he can after learning Trip is starting to wake, entering sickbay to see Trip lying so very still and eyes closed. Swallowing hard, his heart hurting, no matter how often he told himself through the day not to expect Trip to be awake and waiting for him he still had hoped. He goes to his chair and sits, taking Trip's hand in his and clears his throat. "It's me Malcolm again, I hear you may be starting to emerge from the coma. I certainly hope so; I've been very worried about you. I know it will be some time before your up and about and that the most I can hope for is for you to open your eyes."

"Everyone has heard that you are starting to wake, but that it will still take a long time for you to recover. Chef has started to talk about making your favorite foods to tempt you to eat and encourage you. I looked in on your staff this afternoon after Jon visited me and they were all smiling." Laughing quietly, "It even appeared as if they were polishing every surface. Likely in the hopes that when you are finally able to take a walk through engineering, everything will look brand new."

"Many of them seem anxious too, they've been reminded by Phlox that it will be much longer than they hope before you are recovered enough to go through engineering. He's reminded me too, even if you and I know I normally see the downside of any situation. Though he keeps speaking of you eventually walking out of here, firmly on your way to recovering as much as possible." Sighing, as he does not want to fully talk of how he worries over the possibility that Trip may never walk out of sickbay. Not wanting to say in Trip's presence, of how angry he is that the accident happened and how he wishes it was he in the biobed instead. "I wish I had been there for you that day, that I could have stopped your fall or caught you or made you wear a helmet, I keep thinking that I should have been able to protect you. And now, I just wish I could take the burden from you and carry it myself."

"I do know though, that your greatest asset as you recover will be your innate stubbornness. You are even more stubborn than I am." He looks at Trip in the hopes that he'll open his eyes in protest at that, but sees him only sleeping. Wondering how Phlox is able to determine that Trip hasn't fallen back into a coma, how he's so sure Trip is starting to emerge.

"Hayes is getting on my nerves again, he actually went into MY armory when I wasn't there and rearranged all the phase pistols. Putting the ones I normally keep near the door over by the wall and so on. It would have taken hours to move all of the pistols as he did. He claims it's a more efficient arrangement, implying that I'm incapable of arranging MY weapons efficiently. I tried explaining why my way was better in a reasonable manner and when he refused to listen, I ordered him to put them all back the way they were. He's just so obnoxious, always going behind my back, doing end runs around my authority and getting the captain to clear his suggestions rather than just discussing them with me. If he doesn't stop annoying me like this, I'm going to wipe the floor with him."

"Phlox's medic is looking at me with a glare, which must mean that my presence is preventing him from a task he needs to do with you. I'll see you for breakfast Trip." He squeezes Trip's hand and then kisses his forehead before leaving.

Moments after he leaves, Trip's eyes open briefly and focus on the chair Malcolm had been in.


	11. Chapter 11

Micky watches Malcolm walk out of sickbay and nods, not having wanted to do the catheter change on Trip while the armory officer was there. He turns to his patient, sees he's awake and runs to the door. Seeing Malcolm near the turbolift, he shouts, "Wait, Malcolm come back, now!" Realizing it may have sounded like and order only when Malcolm has hurried to his side. "I'm sorry sir, didn't mean to order you." He directs Malcolm inside where Trip is lying, eyes still open. Micky smiles, as Malcolm stands there with his mouth gaping open, astounded. Then notices that Trip looks from one to another before looking at Malcolm with a smile.

"Mah?" Trip's voice is heard for the first time since the accident.

Micky helps Malcolm to his chair, sees him take Trip's hand gently in his own and smile at him. "Hello Trip."

Trip blinks and turns himself away from Malcolm, pulling his hand from the Englishman's and Micky sees how devastated and hurt he is. Micky goes to him and grasps his arm. "Lieutenant, Malcolm, he isn't rejecting you, its just a localized response. In this stage of recovery he will move either towards or away from auditory stimulation, moving away isn't an indication that he does not like the sound of your voice. Only that he's heard it."

"Oh," Micky hears the relief in the lieutenant's voice and sees how he swallows hard, seeing the determination fill his face. He also sees the Brit's infamous control of his emotions settle into place. "Thank you Ensign McFarlane for letting me know. May I have some time alone with him before you do whatever it was you were about to do before I left the first time?"

"Of course," I say, "I can only give you, at the most, half an hour." I let him know before going towards the inventory that needs to be done.


	12. Chapter 12

Malcolm reaches with his hand and puts it on Trip's shoulder, gently trailing his hand up and down Trip's upper arm. "It's okay Trip, I know things must seem very confusing right now. Nothing looking, as it should, maybe even sounds seeming as if they've been twisted and distorted. I think it must be very scary to wake up like that and have no idea what is going on."

"I'm not sure if I can explain how wonderful it was to come back into sickbay and see you lying there with your eyes open, looking from me to McFarlane, then settling on me. Hearing you say Mah," he swallows hard, "it was so very close to my name I can not help but hope you recognized me in some way and attempting to talk to me."

Trip's body moves under his hand, rolling to be on his back, and eyes looking his way. Malcolm smiles, "Hello there." He very carefully brushes his fingers over Trip's face. "It's so wonderful to see you awake." Taking his hand from Trip's face, he goes to hold the engineer's hand again. "I've really wanted to see those clear blue eyes again."

"Hur." Trip exhales, eyes wandering.

"Yes, you were hurt. You fell from the top of your beloved warp core and you are still healing." Malcolm tells him, sees Trip shaking and trembling. "Hush," hand going to Trip's hair and petting him. "I'm here for you. It's okay Trip."

Trip's breathing evens out, those glorious blue eyes of his flutter and then close. Malcolm hears a soft moan from him as Trip's body tenses up, then relaxes into sleep.

He wonders for a moment why he's crying, why tears are falling down his face. He should be ecstatic that Trip is starting to heal and does not understand why he is crying. He sees McFarlane and Phlox talking in the other corner, Phlox glancing up to see him and coming to him.

"Come with me Lieutenant, you and I are going to have some tea together and talk. Micky needs to see to Trip now." He says, helping me to stand. Malcolm follows Phlox as he heads to his office, not able to do anything else, as he feels so blank and empty. He sees the medic go to Trip, draw the curtain around him and block his view of the southerner.

Phlox gestures to a chair and Malcolm sits, feeling numb. He watches the Denobulan make tea and notices with some small part of his mind that he's doing so in a very English way. Sees the doctor bring the tea to the table, along with cream, sugar, milk and a lemon slice. Notices the biscuits on the tray and the sandwiches, wondering where Phlox got them from since he never left the room. Watches as his friend sits across from him, pours the tea and places a cup in front of him.

Malcolm adds a bit of lemon and stirs, sipping on the tea. Letting the bitterness fill him, relishing the bite of lemon on his tongue. He knows tears are still falling down his face. Yet he makes no move to stop them, does not attempt to get a hold of his emotions. He realizes in a far off corner of his mind he should be embarrassed at his loss of control, surprised at it and yet he isn't. He raises his eyes and looks into Phlox's eyes.

"Your eyes are blue!" Somewhat astounded at that, though he knows he has noticed before.

"Yes, they are. Malcolm, you do know that I consider myself your friend."

Malcolm looks at Phlox a bit suspiciously, wondering a bit at the Denobulan's neutral tone of voice. "Yes, I know that. I also consider you a friend."

"We haven't shared a meal since Commander Tucker was injured and we used to eat together a few times a week."

"I've been very busy." Malcolm tenses, putting his cup of tea down. "I've had my normal duties on the bridge and in the armory, helping Engineering as much as I can, coming here to be with Trip...the commander, trying to help Jonathan, and reading all I can about brain injury. What more can you expect from me? Haven't I done enough? How dare you imply I haven't been doing all I should?" Clenches his hands into fists as he continues; "How dare you even talk to me when you weren't there for Trip when he needed you!" He growls, standing to leave and stomping to the door. Hitting the wall with his hand, "how dare you!"

"I was there for Trip when he needed me; I did after all work on him for hours to make sure he survived. I've been here for the commander since the first day doing all that I can."

"It isn't enough! It bloody well is barely enough!" Malcolm yells, "You should have done more, should have been able to make him all better. And now you harp on me about sharing meals with you, how can I when just seeing you reminds me that no matter how much I do or you do, we can't protect Trip, we can't make him better. I'm the bloody armory officer, I'm supposed to be able to protect people, and keep them safe! I'm supposed to be able to help them avoid injury and I wasn't there for Trip. I failed and now he's lying in that God damned biobed, barely able to make a noise and there's nothing I can do to help him. I can't take the burden up for him, I can't take away the pain and fear and confusion he must feel. I'm useless!"

"You are not useless; you've been an extraordinary help. Helping more than I think you are aware of." Phlox says, tone becoming encouraging. "You have been here for the commander since the accident, talking to him, encouraging him and even helping the medics when you were able to. You did not fail and you will not fail him. I know how hard it is to see him like this."

"Don't you dare! Don't you bloody dare tell me you know how I feel!" Malcolm seethes, "don't you dare say you know how hard it is to see him like this. You can't really know, you can't really understand. Trip is my friend, I lo...he's the best friend I have ever had. I am closer to him than I've ever been with anyone. He's always been so full of life, so vital and so strong. He's always been so tall and determined, walking where angels fear to tread. He didn't just come into my life; he swept into it and took away all the barriers between us. He's my friend, how can you know what it's like for me to see him like this?"

"I know, because he is my friend too." Phlox reminds him, "A very good and cherished friend. His friendship is very important to me and valued highly by me. He is also my patient, someone I am wholly responsible for. As a doctor, I am driven to make people better, driven to do all I can and more if possible to fix what has been damaged. It tears me up inside to know I was not able to repair all the damage to Trip. That regardless of all my degrees—all the years I've been a doctor, and all of my resources, I was still unable to fix all that was damaged in Trip. I keep telling myself I did all I could, all that was possible to have done and yet in the middle of the night I wonder. Could I have done more? Could a human doctor, trained solely in human neurology have done more?"

"And what is the answer doctor," Malcolm bites the words out, rage filling him as he's also wondered if Phlox could have done more.

"I will always wonder, as far as neurological care goes, I did all that is possible. But I will always feel as if I should have been able to do more. It is the curse of a doctor to feel that way, I think."

"It's the curse of the armory officer too." Malcolm feels the rage drain out of him, leaving him empty, but in a strange way leaving him clean as well. "I'm so sorry I attacked you with words doctor. I should have known you did all you could. I don't know why your mention of sharing a meal together made me go ballistic."

"A combination of too much stress lately, relief at seeing the commander with his eyes open and thus face to face with confronting the knowledge that there is nothing you could have done to protect him and that there is still a long road ahead. As well you can finally let your guard down a little, so you will be needing to express the anger that you've been trying so hard to suppress lately."

"I can't allow myself to do that again, it does not do any good to express my anger as to what's happened to Trip. It does not help him if I go into a rage." Malcolm takes a sip of the now cool tea, letting it soothe the scratch in his throat.

"Actually, I think it would be a good idea if you allowed yourself to express your anger and rage in a controlled setting. Perhaps by beating up the punching bag. If you keep trying to control it and suppress it, you will boil over again as you did now and perhaps unintentionally hurt someone, either by words or actions. I want you to spend an hour a day at the gym, releasing your tensions."

"I'm too busy." Malcolm protests, demolishing a sandwich in two bites.

"Make time, as that wasn't a suggestion but Doctor's orders and if you don't spend that time in the gym I will have to curtail your visits here in sickbay. I can not risk your boiling over in Trip's presence. If you keep bottling up your emotions as you have been that is what will happen eventually."

Malcolm sighs, pours himself some more tea and adding a bit of lemon to it. "As you wish doctor." He looks at his friend and sees the worry in his eyes and thinks for a few minutes. Working out through his mind what just happened and then acknowledging to himself that it is something he needs to do. That releasing his frustrations in a safe setting is better than attacking a friend. "I will go to the gym for an hour a day. I've been neglecting my routine, focusing only on what was needed to stay fit for my job. I've also been neglecting my other friends." He looks at Phlox, with affection, "I'm sorry. Would you join me for lunch on the days we normally had breakfast together?"

"It would be an honor." Phlox smiles his widest smile. "Will you also be spending time with your other friends?"

Knowing how he's neglected them and just now realizing how much he misses them, Malcolm nods. "They can either join me in my sessions at the gym or perhaps go to movie night with me. I know Travis would love to workout beside me and that Hoshi enjoys our sessions on the target range."

"Malcolm, I want you to remember that it's okay for you to talk to others." Phlox looks in his eyes, with determination. "It's good to lean on others occasionally. You do not need to carry the burden of seeing your best friend like this yourself. You need to talk to others on how overwhelming it is, or how frustrating it is for you, and how angry it makes you. I know your friends will be only too glad to help you. It may even be a good idea for you to talk to T'Pol about it, see if she can help you learn how to meditate."

"I already know how to meditate." Malcolm informs the doctor, "Through my practice of Tai Chi and yoga, I just haven't made time to do so since the accident. I will have to start up again, do one or the other when I wake every morning as I used to do. I'd rather not talk to T'Pol about this, she has not come down to see Trip since the day after his accident. Perhaps due to the Vulcan conviction that it is better to die than to live with a permanent brain injury that impairs your ability to follow the path of logic."

"Or she may just be uncomfortable at seeing a friend so helpless. She may be intimidated by seeing a friend like this, especially a human one. Human behavior still confuses her greatly and she may just not know what one is expected to do in this situation and afraid to ask or impose. Even Vulcans can be as intimidated by the thought of visiting sickbay as humans are."

Malcolm sighs, hoping that is what is causing T'Pol to avoid Trip and not prejudice. "I'll see if I can talk with her the next time that we meet. I can not promise it will do any good, but at least I will have reached out to one of Trip's friends."

"I thought you considered her a friend too." Phlox stated with some surprise.

"No, not really." Malcolm rubs his forehead with his hand; "She's more a colleague I am friendly towards than a friend who happens to be a colleague, if you know what I mean. Though we talk often, it is generally about the ship and how our duties over lap. We never talk about general topics, never discussions on things that do not affect our work. She and I have never been able to relax around one another and talk of inconsequentials, even if I think it would be wonderful to talk of literature and philosophy with her. Try to see things from her perspective even if her perspective might seem as strange and alien to me as yours has sometimes seemed to me doctor."

Phlox smiles slightly, "Not as strange as I sometimes think of the way you see things." Nodding in approval as Malcolm takes the last cookie and finishes it. "It's good to see you relaxing as you eat again."

Malcolm blushed, "Thank you Phlox, for taking the time to talk with me. I especially thank you for listening to me and not taking offense when I attacked you with words. I am so sorry about that. I know in my mind that you did everything you could and that I did everything I could. I understand in my mind that we will continue doing everything possible. I just despair that you and I will never really accept that in our hearts."

"It's still possible that we will. I see by the time that movie night is about to start. I believe they are showing the original version of Star Wars, not the version that the director fixed, but how it was seen when first released in theatre. I know Travis was planning to go, mentioning something about how he's always liked the Wookie in it."

Malcolm shakes his head and smiles, "You're a good friend, and I'll see you tomorrow at lunch, barring any emergency."

"See you then." Phlox says, watching Malcolm walk out the door. Glad to see that he isn't as tense as he has been the last few days. Also glad in some small way that the lieutenant was able to finally yell at him about what happened and express some of his anger. The doctor hopes he will not be haunted by Malcolm's voice shouting at him, "you should have done more." Phlox knows he will have to work out again in his own mind that he did everything possible and allow himself to rage over how impossible it was to do more.


	13. Chapter 13

Malcolm wondered if it was too much to ask to want things to go smoothly in the Expanse. It had been only a few days since his minor meltdown in sickbay and now things were shot to hell again. They had come across a ship in distress, life support failing and had transported the crew onto Enterprise. That they did so after asking so few questions irritated Malcolm. They were in the Expanse after all, trying to find the Xindi and deal with them, and there had been no way to tell if these Triannon's were allies of the Xindi. Jon's intrinsic do-gooder streak had come into play, as had his compassion, leading to the evacuation of the ship's crew onto his own.

The Triannon had turned out to be worshippers of the spheres, believing their gods had created them and were turning this area of space into a sacred realm where the gods could thrive. Or something like that, upon hearing we had actually entered one of their sacred spheres and blew one up they went ballistic.

"You dared to blow up one of the gifts from the Gods!" D'Jamat seethes. "How could you!"

"To us, they were only sophisticated machines and that particular sphere was an immediate threat to us." Malcolm heard Jon try to reason with the fanatic and sighed at how hopeless it was to try to do so.

"It does not matter what you thought—the spheres are sacred. You will pay for your transgressions with the life of one of your crew. I am not referring to that lump of flesh in your sickbay either. It's not as if anyone would miss something so useless, something that does not contribute to your ship. It will be someone you will miss."

"We will stop any attempt you make at killing any of the crew." Malcolm told D'Jamat, "My people would defend them and prevent you from getting close enough to kill any of them with a weapon."

"We do not need to get close," D'Jamat stated, touching his communicator and apparently sending a signal for the ship trembles slightly.

"Foster to the bridge, one of the Triannon just blew up somehow, taking Namon with them. There are bits of both of them in this hall and" Fosters voice trails off, sounding as if he's one step from crying, "some of the wall panels are sparking, and there's blood everywhere..."

"That's enough, Crewman Foster." Jon says forcefully, "Hoshi page Phlox to send a clean up crew."

"Sir, I will have to be there too to investigate." Malcolm breathes in and out slowly, getting his emotions under control and mustering his forces. "I just have one question for this..." Malcolm spits out, "man. Just how was that person able to just blow up? I did not see any evidence of explosives on any of you when I scanned all of you as you came on board."

"We are all equipped with organic explosives within us, set to go off at a specific signal from us. The Triannon who sacrificed their life to make you pay for your trespass will be honored and lauded for their action. The Triannon will now always be remembered for the warrior that he is a hero that has made you atone for your sin. If you try to harm any of the Triannon, I will order them to sacrifice themselves to make sure you are unable to wrest control of this ship away from us. We need this ship to make the heretics pay."

Malcolm clenches his fists and stalks away from D'Jamat, as if he stayed any longer he'd attack him and to attack him right now would be to risk injury and death of others. As he rides in the turbolift to the scene of the explosion, he realizes he's angrier at the fact D'Jamat dared to call Trip a lump of flesh than he is of the death of Namon due to the explosion. He swallows at the shame this brings to him, thinking he should care more for the crewmate that died than for the insult to Trip. Even though he did not know her well, he should be angrier at her death than he is of hearing his friend dismissed as useless. Shouldn't he?

Once he scans the area, doing what is necessary to clear the scene so Phlox and the poor crewmen can safely enter the area. Knowing that they will have to gather what they can to perform an autopsy so as to get some clue as to how the organic explosive works. At which point the crewman would have to clean up all of the resultant mess before the engineers are allowed to come in and repair the damage to the now quiet circuits.

Finished with what he needs to do to fulfill his duty, he takes Foster's arm and walks him away from the scene. To him it looks as if Foster is in shock and one small step away from falling apart. Knowing what it was like for him the first time he saw someone killed by an explosion right in front of him, he understands how lost and hopeless Foster must feel. That the man will always be haunted by the sight and always wonder if he could have saved Namon. Malcolm then remembers that Foster and Namon were friends, spent a lot of time together and that this fact will make the invisible wound to Foster's soul, just a bit deeper.

"Simon," he says as soon as they get to the nearest room and he sits Crewman Foster down. "There was nothing you could do to prevent the explosion."

"L'il was just a scientist." Simon looks at Malcolm with no expression, "only a scientist, not in security as I am. She always said that her time on Enterprise was mostly just routine and had never faced danger. The few landing parties she was on were routine, as she never went down in the first group. Only after the basic preliminaries were taken care of. She shouldn't have been in danger while just walking along the corridor to her lab. It should have been me; I'm the one who should have been in danger. I knew when coming to Enterprise that being in security would put me in the front line should there ever be any danger."

"She knew the dangers of coming along this time, considering we were searching for the people who attacked Earth and killed millions of our people." Malcolm reminds him as gently as he can.

"She may have understood that, but I don't think she really realized it. It was just so senseless. I was trying to catch up to her to talk and she was just headed toward her lab. She shouldn't have been in any danger. She shouldn't be in pieces. I shouldn't have her blood on my hands." He rubs his hands together and looks at the blood covering him.

"Come along, I'll help you to your quarters. You will get out of your uniform and wash up, get into a new uniform and then come with me. You need to be with a friend right now. I will take you to Izzy Secorro once you are cleaned up. I want you to talk to Phlox tomorrow and every day for awhile."

"Why? I don't want to talk to Phlox, I'm just not that comfortable around him and I hate sickbay."

"I know what you mean; I hate it too, most of the time." Malcolm opens Foster's door for him, using his override code to get in, "however, you do need to talk to someone about what you saw and how it affects you. It will help you heal as much as it is possible to heal. So, it's either Phlox or Cutler you will talk to. That is an order by the way, I need you to deal with this so you can heal. I need you in top form, you're a very valuable member of my staff and neither the armory nor the security detachment would be as good without you."

"All right, I'll talk to Liz; at least she might come here." Foster grumbles; "I'd rather not have to visit sickbay every day. I don't know how you can do it."

"I can do it for my friend," Malcolm smiles, "now get into your shower, I'll get a clean uniform and shove it through the bathroom door without peeking. I promise."

Foster snorts with reluctant amusement, "it wouldn't be anything you haven't seen before. We have been in decon together, sir and had to shower in the public shower together before entering it too. We've seen each other naked."

"I know, but this is a different circumstance so I will respect your privacy in this."

"Thank you sir." Foster steps into the bathroom, dumps his uniform and underwear into the recycler before stepping into the shower. He gets the water as hot as he can stand it before washing. The water grows cold before he is able to gather himself enough to step out of the shower and dry himself off. He dresses, realizing that the lieutenant somehow knew he would need new underwear and reluctantly faces himself in the mirror. He meets his own eyes for only a moment before he has to look away, ashamed of himself. He knows that he has no real cause to be ashamed, but can not help but feel that he failed his friend L'il.

He steps out into his quarters and sees Malcolm at the desk, glad his boss has gone to so much trouble for him. Humbled by how the lieutenant has always put his staff ahead of himself. "Thank you sir for helping me, I'm ready to go see Izzy now."

"Good, I've let her know to expect us." They walk together towards Secorro's quarters in silence, comforted by the presence of another who understands the burden of someone hired to keep people safe and was unable to do so.


	14. Chapter 14

After taking Foster to his friend, Malcolm took a few minutes to settle his mind. Needing to see Trip with his own eyes, just to make sure he was still alive, he heads to sickbay. He enters and sees Hoshi sitting next to Trip who is awake.

"Malcolm," she enunciates, having Trip watch her carefully. Then slowly goes over all the syllables. "Mal, see how my tongue touches the roof of my mouth with that sound? Mal—colm. The letter L is formed like this, ell." She shows him a few times.

"Mah." Trip says, with a stubborn tilt to his chin.

Malcolm wonders what Hoshi is up to, but watches from the side. Content just to see Trip, alive, awake and looking so much like the stubborn engineer he remembers.

"Mal," rolling the L on her tongue, "colm." Showing him again how it's done, "I know you can do it, please try."

"Mah!" Trip insists, almost glaring at Hoshi.

Thinking he should intervene before Hoshi starts sputtering with frustration, he steps closer to him. Sees Trip smile as he notices him.

"Mal!" He says happily, making Malcolm's eyes tear up.

He rubs his eyes as he sees Hoshi turn and notice him. He goes to Trip and takes his hand, smiling at Trip briefly before telling Hoshi; "It's my allergies...I should talk to Phlox about them again."

Hoshi smiles at him as if to say, 'yeah, sure it is.' Then turns back to Trip; "that was wonderful! You were able to make the right sound. Mal!" She congratulates Trip and helps him take a sip of coffee, his current reward.

Trip smiles in triumph, understanding he must have done something right to have both of them smiling at him. "Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal!"

Malcolm laughs gently and kisses Trip's hands. "Yes, that's part of my name. Mal, or Malcolm."

He looks at Hoshi and Trip, "just what are you up to Hoshi?"

"Hose E?" Trip, looking at Hoshi with a bit of confusion.

"Speech therapy now that he's awake and making sounds, trying to communicate Phlox asked me to try to help him learn how to speak again." She informs him, "I'm just so glad to finally be an actual help." Turning to Trip once again and enunciating slowly, "Hoe, shh, hee," showing how it's done, "that's my name," pointing to herself, "Hoe, shh, hee, Hoshi."

Trip frowns, nibbles his lips and looks at Hoshi. "Ho-shee?" After a few more tries, he gets it and Hoshi smiles; giving him another sip of coffee and seeing Malcolm squeeze his hand.

"That's enough for today, I don't want to push you too fast and have you become frustrated. I will try to make it fun for you to learn how to talk again." Hoshi pats Malcolm's shoulder and sees Trip frown at her, looking a bit upset. She backs slightly away from Malcolm and sees Trip relax again and smile at her and Malcolm. Having to bite her lip to prevent any sign of amusement. Sees that Malcolm does not notice Trip's slight possessiveness. "I'll head out now and leave you two alone. I'll be back tomorrow for more lessons."

She walks toward the door, looking back at the two of them before she leaves. Her mouth twitching at the sight of Malcolm holding Trip's hand and the two of them just smiling at each other, as if wanting a few minutes to just enjoy the fact they were together. She sighs as she leaves, thinking of how difficult, if not impossible a deeper relationship will be for the two of them. She hopes Malcolm knows what he's risking to become so attached to Trip. Hope he knows that Trip may only come to see him as a friend and not a romantic interest. Hope he knows that Trip may not grow capable of understanding enough to enter a romantic relationship, understand enough to comprehend sex, or understand enough to be considered a competent adult.


	15. Chapter 15

After visiting Trip, Malcolm works with Phlox on finding a way to neutralize the organic explosives within each Triannon. When they have done so, he immediately informs Jon and watches as Jon confronts D'Jamat.

"We've also neutralized your organic explosives." Jon says; Malcolm can hear the barely controlled anger in his captain's voice and wonders if D'Jamat realizes just how close Jon is to acting on his frustration.

"You're lying." D'Jamat insists as if completely sure that the captain must be lying.

"Go ahead. Try to blow yourself up. I'll wait." Jon's sarcasm is clear to Malcolm.

Malcolm has to stop himself from snickering. Events unfold quickly after that, revealing the devastation brought to the Triannon's planet due to the inter-religious fighting. Seeing the cities in ruin reminded Malcolm of how close Earth came to something similar due to religious fanaticism.

Once they are able to get all of the Triannon off of the ship and have gone on their way, Malcolm goes to the gym. He attacks the punching bag with precision at first and then just with anger. He's unaware of how he's viciously whispering, "How dare he call Trip a lump of flesh! The bastard! I'll wipe him off the face of the universe. Idiot!"

He strikes the bag one last time, tearing it off its rope and seeing it fall in front of him. He's stunned but also pleased he was able to purge himself of the rage. He sees Travis enter the room and smiles. "Up to some sparring?"

Travis looks at the bag lying on the floor and the other crew looking at Malcolm with a touch of fear. "Do you promise I won't end up like the bag?"

"Yes, the anger that prompted that is gone. I just want to work out a bit, play with you by practicing some of our martial arts techniques together." Malcolm does what he can to keep a straight face.

"Play?" Travis smiles, "I didn't realize that our sparring sessions were play to you. Considering how hard we combat each other and the fact I occasionally get the upper hand with you, I don't see how it's playing."

"It's playing since we both enjoy it and I take it easy on you." Malcolm smirks and sees Travis glare at him playfully.

"You take it easy on me?" He says, with disbelief, "It's me that takes it easy on you."

They move to the mat together, circling each other, both on their toes and ready for combat. At a subtle signal from Malcolm, Travis attacks and the fight is on. Travis strives hard, drawing up on all he knows as they fight. Amazed once again by how fast Malcolm is and how easily Malcolm throws him. It never fails to astound him how accomplished a fighter the armory officer is. Though he'll never admit it, he's embarrassed every time he underestimates his friend due to him being shorter and slimmer than the average security officer. At the end of their sparring session, Travis looks up at Malcolm, as he's unable to break his hold. "I concede."

Malcolm lets Travis out of the hold and smiles at him, "thanks; I had fun playing with you."

Travis chuckles a bit and blinks, wondering for what seems to be the hundredth time whether Malcolm is just playing with him and not using all of his ability with him. Wondering just how good the lieutenant really is and whether he'll ever see the full range of what he can do. "Thanks, would you join Hoshi and me at the luau tonight? Chef has everything ready to be served in the mess hall. There's going to be quite a bit of pineapple."

"I'd like that." They head to the showers together, get in separate cubicles and wash down before heading out for dinner.


	16. Chapter 16

As the weeks pass Malcolm is at first encouraged by how much progress Trip makes in learning how to speak and then frustrated when the progress grinds to a halt. No matter how often he tells himself that these plateaus are normal during recovery, no matter how often Phlox reassures him all is progressing as fast as it can; he worries and wonders if this is as far as Trip will progress. Only able to say a few basic words and still needing constant care in sickbay. He knows he should be glad that Trip is finally awake, able to communicate even slightly and even able to sit on his own. Yet, he's desperate for more. Desperate to see Trip taking further strides toward normalcy, toward being able to leave sickbay and head towards a normal life.

He knows his frustration at not seeing Trip steadily progress is shared by everyone on board. He has talked with Jon and Phlox on how frustrating it is. Has even listened as Hoshi tried to blame herself for not being able to get more progress and has tried to reassure her.

It's now about three months after the accident and Malcolm realizes that Trip has come a long way since emerging from the coma. Though it is not as far as everyone had hoped he would come by now, it is still astounding progress. He sighs to himself, knowing part of his trouble in accepting the last couple of weeks of little to no progress is seeing how frustrated Trip is whenever he is unable to do what they try to teach him to do.

He heads to the bridge, hoping something will come up to help distract his thoughts from chasing each other in a circle. He realizes later that he should be careful what he asks for, for he just might get it.

Hoshi detects a signal that she identifies as Xindi and coming from the general area that Degra informed them was a testing ground for the weapon prototype. Jon orders Travis to plot a course to it and he weaves us ever closer, edging us around the numerous anomalies with seeming ease. Despite Travis' brilliant flying, Enterprise takes heavy damage and an unexpected ally saves us.

"Shran?" The captain says astounded at seeing the Andorians, as we all are.

"Captain Archer, look at the trouble you've gotten your pink skin into this time." Shran says, almost seeming to tease Jon.

Malcolm has to fight the twitch of his lips and the inappropriate amusement as his captain and the Andorian talk. Every time they do, it seems to him as if Shran is flirting with Jon. Malcolm knows that could be a misinterpretation on his part since the Andorians are so different from them.

Watching Shran and Jon bicker somehow reminds him of how he and Trip used to bicker, so much so he has to take a moment to compose himself. He takes Shran's armory officer on a tour of Enterprise and her weapons, only taking her to the armory as his Captain made it an order. Not completely trusting her as, after all, what do they know about Andorians? It isn't as if they know anything about them beyond their few confrontations and the Vulcan databases information on them. Malcolm knows the Vulcans are a bit biased when it comes to them, calling Andorians aggressive, warlike, and not to be trusted due to their duplicity. He also knows of how the Vulcans refer to humans as a whole and wonders just how much weight he should give to the Vulcan opinion.

He works with Talas, admiring her intelligence and her beauty. She would be a woman after his own heart if it weren't for the fact he worried that his heart is taken by a man who may never be able to comprehend the complexity of love. He's almost glad she referred to his weapons as being "primitive", saving him from abject admiration. The very idea of any one calling his weapons primitive and expecting him to give her their weapons frequencies. He knows how easily a friend can turn into an enemy with a few short words. So how could he risk giving anyone, ally or not, their weapons frequencies? If he ever did, it would be so easy for an ally, turned enemy, to use that knowledge against them and destroy them.

All the time he works with Talas, he thinks of how Trip would love to talk to her or the Andorian Chief of Engineering. How Trip would tease him about Talas and ask him if there was more going on than just working on the weapons together. His heart hurts at the knowledge that it will be a very long time, if ever, that he and Trip are able to have that kind of friendship again. Be able to talk and tease each other, argue over a technical problem, or just laugh together over a shared joke. He is astounded at times at how he seems to be mourning Trip in spite of the fact Trip is still alive, if not as well as he would hope.

At times, as they work Malcolm withdraws from her, making sure she knows where the boundaries of their relationship are. Worried at some of the glances she gives him, which are similar to how a human expresses romantic or sexual interest. He hopes that by keeping a certain distance from her, that she won't approach him as more than one colleague consulting another.

Once they are finished with the weapons they part. "If you ever decide to leave the Imperial Guard, Starfleet could certainly use you." He tells her, admiring how well they worked together in the fight against the Xindi.

"And if you ever get tired of exploring, you'd do well in the Imperial Guard." She tells him and he smiles.

Once she's back on her ship he goes to Sickbay to visit Trip again. Just standing by his bed and smiling at seeing him asleep with a smile on his face. Notices how his eyes are moving underneath the lids and wondering what he's dreaming about.

Suddenly Trip sits up with a gasp and is laughing, "Lizzie dead," and the laughter seems profane and out of place.

"Trip?" Malcolm approaches him carefully; wondering why the hell Trip would be laughing upon remembering Lizzie's death. Asking himself if Trip may have woken from something other than the nightmares that plagued him after Lizzie's death. Thinking that perhaps Trip is reacting to a strange dream he had.

"Lizzie dead, gone." Trip laughs with tears in his eyes.

Malcolm is glad when a medic appears and touches Trip's shoulder. He frankly does not know what to do or say in the face of Trip's laughter.

"It's okay commander," Liz says, "you're awake now. It was just a dream." She turns to Malcolm, "I think you need to sit."

Malcolm sits and blurts out the first thing to come to him, "just what is going on, why is he laughing if he's remembering Lizzie's death."

"It's part of how the injury to his brain is affecting him. The kind of injury he had sometimes leaves the brain confused as to how to express the emotion the person is feeling. Sometimes even making the person cry for no reason at all or laugh at inappropriate times, it's not that he's amused by Lizzie's death or laughing at whatever nightmare he may have had. It's just that his brain is insisting on expressing his reaction this way, regardless of how he feels about it."

"M'Liz?" Trip says, laughs trailing to chuckles, "what?"

"It's okay Trip, I'm here and Malcolm is here. We'll stay with you for awhile." Liz reassures her patient, looking briefly at Malcolm.

"I think I understand what your saying," Malcolm feels as if he's on the edge of tears for no reason that he can explain. He takes Trip's hand in his, "I'm still here for you. I may never really understand what you are going through completely, but I will always be here for you my friend."

Trip smiles at him, "My pal Mal, Pal-Mal, pell-mell, pal Mal."

Malcolm's lips twitch at the play on words, wondering if it was intentional. "I know things seem to be jumbled and confused, that we seem to do things in a disorderly haste, but I promise you, I will do my best to help things become less confusing for you."

"My Mal," Trip yawns and his eyelids flutter shut. He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

"He seems to sleep quite a bit." The armory officer muses out loud.

"He is still in the beginning stages of recovery and tires out easily." Liz reminds him, "even when he is able to resume his life, walk out of here; he may always need a bit more sleep than is usual."

"Will he eventually be able to walk out of here? Can you guarantee it?" He forces himself to ask.

"I can't guarantee it; no one can make that kind of guarantee." Liz is forced to admit reluctantly, "I am sorry, I wish I could guarantee it. I can guarantee that all of us in sickbay will work hard on doing all we can to see Trip walk out of here. Not that he isn't lovely to look at, but it would be cause for all of us to celebrate to see that kind of progress."

"I know what you mean," He says, smiling at Trip. Aware that he's agreeing more to the fact that Trip is lovely to look at, regardless of his current mental state.

After visiting Trip, he remembers a promise he made to Phlox some time ago. Where he said he would speak to T'Pol about further training in meditation and about Trip. Hoping he will find that T'Pol has avoided sickbay as she finds it awkward to be there, perhaps even slightly intimidating. He'd hate to discover that she is like what the database indicates Vulcans are like in the face of brain damage. Knowing by the database that they consider brain damage a worse fate than death and those damaged in that way of less consequence than a Sehlat.


	17. Chapter 17

Malcolm stands in front of T'Pol's quarters and straightens his jacket. Taking a moment to breathe in and out, realizing that he's acting as if he's about to go into battle with a formidable foe. He reminds himself that the Sub-commander is his crewmate, not the enemy and presses the door buzzer. When the door opens, he's faced with T'Pol in a Vulcan robe and swallows as seeing her like this intimidates him for some reason. She looks so very regal and severe, reminding him of his 3rd grade teacher who had always made him feel so small and stupid.

"May I come in Sub-commander?" He asks, "I need to speak with you."

"Does it concern ship's business?" She asks, no change in her expression at all.

"In a way, it's more of a personnel problem and involves a personal matter." He sees her blink twice then raise her eyebrow. He's unreasonably amused at how he was able to confuse her.

"Come in," She says, standing aside for him to enter. As he takes a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the light within her quarters, the only light coming from the window and a candle. He sees her sit on a cushion and take a meditative pose. "Join me."

Knowing it is more of an order than a request, he sits in front of her, naturally taking a similar meditative pose. "I am here partly as I am confused by some of your recent behavior and partly to seek your assistance in coming to a greater proficiency in meditating."

"I see," she says, looking at him. "Do you wish to speak of why it is my behavior is confusing you first? Or discuss your current proficiency in meditation and how it could be improved?"

"If I am to benefit as much from your instruction as it is possible for me to benefit, I believe we should talk about your behavior first. I need to understand it better in order to let go of some of the frustration I feel due to it."

"I do not see how my behavior can cause you, or anyone, to feel frustration. I have not done anything to provoke you. I have not invaded your...territory, for lack of a better word, by imposing my presence in the armory or with your security force."

"It is more of what you have not done that has confused me." Malcolm admits, "more about what you've been avoiding. I know from reading the Vulcan database basically of what the Vulcan attitude is to brain damage and those who have been afflicted with it. If I read the information correctly, Vulcans consider it better to die than to live with brain damage. If I understand it correctly, Vulcans generally consider those afflicted as beneath their notice. Perhaps as if those people are less worthy of notice and being treated with kindness, for lack of a better word. Treating them almost with prejudice, if I've read the information correctly."

Malcolm takes a breath and continues; "your avoidance of sickbay and your lack of visiting Trip bothers me more than it likely should. You and he became friends, spent quite a bit of time together before the accident. Your avoidance of sickbay and of Trip has made me wonder if you are somehow convinced he is now unworthy of being noticed at all."

T'Pol nods, "I see why you might think that my avoidance of sickbay is due to some sort of prejudice for the afflicted that your reading has convince you is prevalent in Vulcan society. I will reassure you that some of your interpretation is incorrect. It is true that Vulcans can act with prejudice, as we both know that due to their treatment of the Vulcan civilians we met who wished to explore emotion. It is also true that Vulcans have a difficult time accepting those permanently affected by an injury. In fact, we have a harder time accepting them than humans generally do. From what I can understand, that is."

She raises her hand to forestall anything Malcolm was about to say, Malcolm stopping himself with effort. "The commander's injury, though a part of why I am avoiding sickbay, is not the only thing making me hesitate. I am...uncertain of how to approach him now, reluctant to see a friend like this. I do not, however, see him as less than worthy of being noticed."

"All right then, please help me understand why you have not come by." Malcolm relaxes his posture, so as not to look as ready for attack.

"Part of it is the Vulcan attitude toward the afflicted. It is true that a Vulcan would prefer death to brain damage, but only because of how severely even the smallest injury to our brain has on us. Any permanent injury to it, no matter how small, throws our thoughts into chaos. Making it nearly impossible for the afflicted to communicate, making them totally dependent on others to survive. Considering all Vulcans are taught from an early age to be as self- sufficient as possible, the thought of becoming totally dependent on another due to severe injury is repellant."

"So, seeing a Vulcan almost completely dependent and perhaps unable to control even their emotions is daunting to other Vulcans." Malcolm thinks, choosing his words as carefully as possible. "I think I should mention that though brain damage could make it even more difficult for a human to control their emotions, that it does not normally affect them as greatly as you describe it affecting Vulcans. At first, the human may find it nearly impossible to communicate, but with time and a lot of help they can approach becoming much like they were before the injury."

"Yes, I understand that from the literature Phlox sent me to read." T'Pol assures him, "though I can understand it intellectually I find myself reluctant to see Trip at this stage of his recovery. I would almost say it was a phobia, if Vulcans experienced fear. It is more that I need to mourn the person Trip was before I can face the person he's becoming. Even if that person is almost the same as the commander, he won't be quite the man I remember."

"I suppose in some way that is true." Malcolm says, "I get the feeling that there is more to your staying away than not wanting to see Trip in this stage of recovery. Not wanting to see Trip so helpless."

T'Pol nods, "it is also the fact that I am not entirely comfortable in sickbay. Not due to being intimidated by it as humans sometimes seem to be, but because of the various scents filling it. I can smell each and every animal, their waste products, and the antiseptic as well as the scent of the people within. I associate the scent of the various people with the emotions they are expressing, fear, sadness, and pain. Sickness itself seems to have a scent of its own."

"Your nose-numbing agent does not help with this?" Malcolm asks, as he's curious.

"Not very well, no." T'Pol acknowledges, "Now that you have visited me, I realize I have failed in part of my duty as First Officer. I am expected to reach out to the crew when needed and assist when I can. I should visit Trip, but I am concerned about doing so alone."

"If you wish, I will go with you the first time and arrange for Liz to be there any other time. She and I can help you learn how to interact with Trip as he is now. As well as perhaps leading you to understand just how the injury is affecting Trip and the rest of the crew by extension of their fondness for Trip."

"I would appreciate the assistance Lieutenant." T'Pol bows slightly in respect. "You mentioned wanting to improve your skills in meditation. What experience do you have in meditating?"

"I believe you are familiar with yoga and Tai Chi?"

"I am," she confirms, "I have seen you perform Tai Chi and know of its meditative benefits. Have even mentioned that this meditation through movement may be of benefit to the children of Vulcan. As they occasionally have the same sort of trouble human children do in staying still."

Malcolm grins briefly; "Yoga is in some ways similar. Though it improves flexibility, balance and muscle tone through movement, it also assists in meditation." He does his best to explain how meditation in Yoga works and then describes his usual routine. "That is basically what I know of meditation."

"In some ways it is quite similar to Vulcan meditation," T'Pol acknowledges, "I can help you learn greater control and focus. I can also share some Vulcan techniques that you may find useful. When would you like to start?"

"How about tomorrow night, after we visit Trip together?" Wanting to make sure T'Pol goes soon, before she can talk herself out of visiting Trip.

"As you wish, I will meet you after our shift is over and walk with you to sickbay. I can only hope my behavior at first seeing Trip is appropriate and not offensive."

"I hope for your sake that it isn't offensive," Malcolm knows his voice is stern, "for if it is, I don't know if I can be held accountable for my actions."

"Understood if that is all for tonight, I am in need of some private meditation and rest."

"Yes, that is all." Malcolm confirms; "thank you for taking the time to discuss this with me and help me to understand the Vulcan viewpoint a bit more."

"You are welcome, goodnight." She watches him stand, nod at her and exit the door. She sighs, she will do all she can to control her reaction to seeing the commander for she does not want to loose the respect of one of the few beings on board she considers a friend. She also acknowledges to herself just how highly she regards Malcolm and admits to herself that she does not want to loose the chance of getting to know Trip again. Even if he ends up radically different from how she remembers him, he is her friend and she hopes to always see him as such. She also hopes she will always be worthy of his friendship in return.


	18. Chapter 18

Malcolm walks beside T'Pol on their way to sickbay. Seeing how hard T'Pol is controlling herself by her seeming serenity. He opens the door and gestures for her to enter ahead of him. Once inside they go to Trip and he gestures for her to sit. Trip is asleep at the moment, so Malcolm sits too in his usual chair, which is across from the one he indicated T'Pol should sit in. "I don't know if he will wake or not," taking Trip's hand in his own, as has become his habit. Not even realizing it, though he wonders why T'Pol has raised her eyebrow at him. Since she only does that if fascinated by something, or surprised, or confused.

"We can speak as we normally do to each other as we sit next to him. Humans consider it helpful to the injured to just be here for them. Even if they are not awake for it." He informs her and sees her nod.

"I see do you think that my normal greeting be appropriate should he wake?" She asks, concerned when she realizes she has not thought of this before arriving.

"Yes, whatever you think to say or ask will be okay as long as you consider how it may affect Trip. Do not ridicule or insult him." Malcolm warns his crewmate.

"I will endeavor not to." She replies and sees the commander move. She hears him moan and sees his eyes open, immediately looking at Malcolm.

"Mal, my pal." Trip says, smiling.

"Yes, it's me again." Malcolm smiles back, squeezing Trip's hand. "I brought someone with me today. An old friend who did not know how to approach you while you are just lounging about here in sickbay." He indicates T'Pol with a wave of his hand. "Sub-commander T'Pol."

Trip's eyes go to her and he smiles. T'Pol is reassured at how familiar the smile looks, how much he looks like the Trip she knows.

"Paul," he says with a smile, "see good you."

She assumes he means that he is glad to see her, "It is good to see you as well. Though I would prefer it if you could call me T'Pol."

He looks back at Malcolm in confusion. Malcolm demonstrates, "Teh—paul, Teh—paul, T'Pol."

Trip looks at T'Pol and tries again. "Tit Paul."

T'Pol feels her lips twitch and sees Malcolm blush red before hearing him chuckle under his breath. "Perhaps we can leave it at Paul for now," she acknowledges; "though that was a good try."

Trip frowns at Malcolm, "laugh me?"

"No, Trip." He reassures, gently caressing his hand with a thumb. "I am not laughing at you. I am just amused at a strange image that entered my mind. I promise that I will do all I can not to laugh at you."

"Okay," Trip says, wiggling and arranging himself until he manages to sit. He looks at T'Pol again with a puzzled look.

"If you are wondering where I have been, I shall tell you." She says, "though things have been hectic ever since you were hurt, the reason I have not come to see you recently is because I just did not know what to say. I am unused to seeing a friend hurt. There is also the fact that I find many of the animals' Phlox keeps in here do not have a pleasant smell."

"Stink," Trip nodding, "bath."

"Yes, it might help if the animals had a bath. I will inform Phlox of that the next time that I see him. I will also endeavor to come every few days to see how you are doing and share with you just what it is I am doing."

"Not mal with," Trip insists, "My mal."

She looks at Malcolm, a bit confused.

"I think he means not at the same time I do, as he seems to prefer it when I come alone to visit him. Though, I'm uncertain exactly why."

T'Pol notes that they are still holding hands and hopes for the lieutenant's sake that Trip will eventually be capable of more. "Perhaps because you are such a good friend to him. Trip seems to enjoy your company so much that he wishes to keep you to himself." She turns to Trip, "I promise to come at a different time than Malcolm does. Would it be okay if I came when Liz is here?"

"M'Liz?" Trip asks and then nods. "Good, M'Liz and Paul."

She nods before informing them; "I will go for now, I will return tomorrow when Liz is here to speak with you. I believe you and Malcolm might benefit from a solo visit now."

Malcolm nods, though T'Pol did not stay long it is a start and he's glad she was able to treat Trip with respect.

"Bye," Trip says as she stands to leave. "My pal mal." She hears him say with satisfaction and a bit of triumph.

"Yes I am your pal, your friend." Malcolm reassures him.

As T'Pol leaves she wonders when the lieutenant will realize that Trip is claiming him through words as his own. She also wonders if Trip is capable of understanding that he is claiming Malcolm, whether his possessiveness is conscious or more instinctual. She will need to seek out Phlox in the mess hall and discuss with him what she's observed and have him explain to her just how conscious Trip is of his present action. She hopes he can help her understand just how much Trip is capable of understanding at the moment.


	19. Chapter 19

As the days go by and Trip starts making slow but steady progress, Malcolm wonders why the more Trip is learning how to do again, the more he notices what Trip is no longer able to do. He is especially concerned with something he has just noticed, how Trip does not use his right arm or leg very much. Malcolm realized as he ate breakfast with Trip, that Trip was unable to use his hand to pick up the spoon and that both Trip's arm and leg were sort of stiff. As he thinks back on the last few months he suddenly realizes that this has been true ever since Trip woke up and wonders why he never saw it.

Knowing it may be a temporary result of the damage to Trip's brain, Malcolm seeks Phlox out in his office. Perhaps the doctor can reassure him that the engineer, the man who performed delicate and complicated repairs with both his hands, will be able to regain use of his limbs. After all there was no damage to the spinal cord, Malcolm reasons, so the seeming paralysis should be temporary.

"Doctor," he enters the room, invites himself in and sits across from Phlox, "I have a few questions for you. Do you have time to speak with me?"

Phlox looks at the armory officer and his lips twitch briefly with amusement. "Of course Lieutenant, what is it?"

"I just noticed something about Trip that I should have realized from when he started moving after he woke up. His right arm and leg are somewhat stiff, he seems to find it difficult to move them with any precision and he does not use his right hand at all. This is a temporary sort of paralysis, right?"

"I am hoping we can improve the commander's ability to move his right side of the body and perhaps regain some of the proficiency of his right hand. Unfortunately his right side might always be impaired. It's called contralateral paresis and may be a result of the greater damage to the left side of his frontal lobe. It means that the side opposite of the damage has slight or partial paralysis. It will make learning how to stand, walk, and feed himself difficult. He may, however be able to compensate for it given time."

Malcolm just sits, looking at the doctor. For some reason he feels as if the doctor has betrayed him. Acting as if the doctor has stolen something precious from him. He takes a few moments to try to accept this, accept that his graceful and extremely mobile friend may never walk without difficulty. He wonders also how Trip will live with a right hand that won't do all that he wants to do. Trip uses his hands for everything, even speaking and Malcolm knows impairment in one will be hard for the southerner to accept. "Is there anything we can do to help him regain as much mobility and hand movement as possible?"

"I have already started physical therapy and have helped the commander with some simple stretching exercises he can do in bed until we are able to get him mobile again. I am looking for someone to assist me with the therapy;" he raises a hand to prevent the Englishman from speaking. "No, it can not be you. You already have taken on as much as you can."

"Then whom are you considering?" Malcolm asks, "Travis maybe? As he is very active physically and has helped me teach crewmembers martial arts movements."

Phlox shakes his head and sighs. "Though there is a part of me that wishes that pairing were possible, Trip also has a severely shortened attention span. I have noticed that when Travis has visited in the past that when he makes a sudden move Trip gets very tense and defensive. Trip's shorter attention span would not work well with how...hyper Travis is. I was actually thinking that approaching one of the MACO's for assistance would work since they have so little to do between missions."

"Not Hayes," Malcolm growls, "You will not allow Hayes to assist with therapy."

"No, I would never consider him." Phlox says with some distaste, "He does not have the right kind of...demeanor to make a good therapist. I was thinking of the one MACO who has come to visit fairly often, has good control over frustration, and seems very patient. From what I understand this MACO has also worked with physiotherapists before."

"You mean Samantha McKenzie, don't you?" He smiles, having seen her with Trip a few times and noticing that he seems to like her.

"Yes, she seems to be someone that not only I can work with, but also someone Trip will like. She and the medics get along very well also, which will help in the short term."

"Short term?" Malcolm sees by Phlox's face that he seems to be hopeful of something.

"Now that the commander is progressing again, I am hopeful that this means we can get him to the point of being able to leave sickbay for short periods of time. However, with every progress he seems to get more frustrated in the times when there is nothing to do. Though additional physical therapy will help fill the time, I think it may be a good idea to also start occupational therapy."

"Relearning how to be an engineer?"

"Not at first," Phlox cautions, "it remains to be seen whether he will ever be capable of retaking his position. He can, however, learn how to do simple tasks that will be of benefit to us. I am thinking that at first, the occupational therapy should concentrate on what he needs to learn to eventually be able to live independently again. Such as personal grooming, folding and putting away clothing, with the possible addition of how to use simple tools."

"I think I understand what you are saying." Malcolm sighs; "he has to take baby steps at first. Do small and simple things that you and I take for granted and seem unimportant, before he can see whether he can learn tasks that would be useful in a job. Whether that be related to engineering or not."

"Yes, that is basically what I am saying." Phlox sees Crewman Rostov and Ensign Tanner enter together, Rostov limping. "My skills seem to be needed at the moment; I will see you later."

Phlox goes to help the young couple as Malcolm sits thinking. He knows it's somehow selfish to resent Trip's partial paralysis. Knows that his disappointment in knowing Trip won't be able to use his hand as well as Malcolm might want him to, is incredibly selfish. He also knows he needs to keep telling himself that Trip, once he's recovered to the extent he might consider a relationship, well that the commander could likely choose someone else.

Malcolm stands and heads toward the gym, knowing McKenzie is normally there at this time, practicing her routine. If he can arrange to talk to her alone, perhaps he can feel her out, see if she is interested in helping Trip.

He enters the gym and glares at Hayes before noticing Samantha off to one side. He is somewhat relieved to see that she's no where near the major and heads to her. Of course, once the major realizes just who Malcolm is headed for he comes to intercept him.

"Something I can help you with Lieutenant?" Major Hayes stands with feet spread at shoulder width, body tense, as if gearing up for a fight.

"No, something requiring Corporal McKenzie's unique talents." Malcolm informs him as neutrally as he can.

"Corporal McKenzie is under my authority and command, you should not approach her without my express permission. I will not give that to you unless you tell me what your intentions are." Matthew Hayes growls, eyes blazing with challenge.

"Have we suddenly gone back in time to the Dark Ages?" McKenzie asks as she joins them. "Matt, you sound a lot like a father asking a disreputable young man what his intentions are toward his sweet and innocent young daughter."

Major Hayes snorts; "you are not all that sweet and innocent Sam."

"Nor am I your daughter," she reminds him. "Sir, I respectfully point out that you are supposed to be under the Lieutenant's authority and command, thus indicating that I am also under his authority. So your...butting heads over his approach toward me is inappropriate. If his request will effect my performance as a MACO or have repercussions on our teamwork, I will inform you of it immediately. If it won't affect my duties, then you will have no need to know. Sir, I can handle myself and will tell the Lieutenant where to go if his request is inappropriate."

The Major and Corporal eye each other for a few moments, as if daring the other to step down. Finally Major Hayes nods, "as you wish Mac, however, I will go on record as saying I do not like it."

"Understood," she says and turns to Malcolm, "It may be a good idea to talk somewhere we can be alone."

"There's a storage room nearby; we can talk there when you are ready."

"Let's go now, before the Major can glare holes into our backs." Mac grins, shooting Matthew a glare.

Malcolm chuckles and leads the way; glad he is coming to like her. Once they are in the storage room, Malcolm makes sure they are alone and locks the door. "I want our conversation to be private since its in regards to Trip."

"I see," Sam sits on the arm of the sofa and looks at him, "are you objecting to my visiting him?"

"No, I've seen how he enjoys your visits." Malcolm reassures her and sees her relax slightly. "I was just wondering how you would feel about assisting with his physical therapy, assuming Phlox would allow it." The Englishman watches as she brightens noticeably.

"I would love to help." Corporal McKenzie smiles, "I've wanted to find a way to help. I'm the unofficial physiotherapist for the MACO's. More like a sports therapist, dealing with the minor injuries we occur and helping my teammates with stretches to help alleviate or bypass the injury. I would like to help Trip get mobile."

"Though I am glad you are enthusiastic, I do wish to make sure you are the right kind of person to send to Phlox." Doing his best to choose his words carefully and still carefully monitor her reaction. "I have become somewhat protective of Trip." He hears her snort with amusement.

"Your more like a mama bear protecting her territory, fierce and defensive." Sam smiles at the glare he shoots her; "it is a good thing, as Trip needs someone to fight for him and defend him. I'm just saying that your very dedicated to him and doing all you can to protect him from further harm. Like the harm idiots could do to him through a few vicious words."

"Thank you, I think." Malcolm smiles, "I am and will continue to do all I can to protect and encourage Trip. What I would like to know is; when Major Hayes discovers you are assisting Trip, will you stop helping the Commander if the Major objects."

"If his objection is based on thinking it will affect my primary duty of defending the ship or going on offense during a mission, then I will do all I can to convince him that it will not affect the way I do my job. If he continues to object and persists in thinking it will harm my job performance I will tell him to make a list of all his objections, crumple it into a ball, and shove it where the sun don't shine." Samantha stands her determination obvious by the way she holds herself. "I will not back away from my duty to Trip, the privilege of helping him. If there is concrete evidence that it is harming my ability to protect the crew, I will work harder to make sure there is no conflict between my two duties. If the Major orders me to stop for an illogical reason, such as his distaste for the fleet, I will knock him on his ass and continue. At this point in time, Trip is more important than the Major's prejudices, but if it came to a choice of protecting the crew or assisting Trip I would protect the crew first."

Malcolm nods, knowing he would make the same difficult choice. Knowing that there may come to be a day when he has to go on a mission he might not come back from for the good of the ship and that he would have to go. After all if they fail their mission there will not be an Earth and he knows Trip has to come second to the mission occasionally.

"Then I would like you to approach Phlox and offer to help him with the physiotherapy. With you at his side, Trip is more likely to prevail." He sees her swallow tears and then smile.

"Thank you sir, I won't let you or the commander down." Sam promises, "I'll head to sickbay now and I will see you later."


	20. Chapter 20

The next day Malcolm stood at his post and glared at the captain's chair. It was after all where Jon should be sitting. Not flying about in a cargo shuttle with Degra, trying to trick him into helping them find the weapon. The Chief of Security knows that Jonathan has a good report with Degra and seems to be able reach him effectively, but is frustrated by how cockamamie the plan sounds.

'Does Jon really think he can fool Degra into thinking they were imprisoned together for three years and happened to become friends and escape together?' Malcolm grumbles to himself, 'he would be more likely to sell Degra a summer cottage on Pluto.'

The Englishman knows that part of his anger and frustration is because the captain of his ship, his good friend, and the man he looks up to are alone on the ship with Degra. Alone in the midst of space where at any moment an enemy could pop up and harm them. He also finds himself wondering if the cargo ship seems crowded even though there are only two people in it. The force of their personalities alone might make it seem crowded.

After what seems like years, the captain finally returns to the ship and Malcolm is finally able to confirm with his own eyes that he does not seem to be the worse for wear. He is astounded when the older man tells him the ruse worked and joins him in planning an assault on the facility in which the weapon is being built.


	21. Chapter 21

In the two weeks since Samantha McKenzie started to help Trip, Hayes came to give her his very reluctant approval. The armory officer is glad to see the somewhat steady progress Trip has been making in controlling his movements. Though he is still concerned over how fidgety Trip has become. Always tapping his foot and squirming, only tolerating help for a few minutes at a time at which time Hoshi, Phlox or Mac need to redirect his attention. Liz Cutler has reassured Malcolm that the length of time Trip can concentrate on one task is steadily increasing and wishes that comforted him. However, he has seen no evidence of this himself. He has to fight his natural tendencies so he doesn't worry about his friend constantly.

As for now, Malcolm fidgets in the turbolift, willing it to go faster. Phlox actually contacted him and asked him to come to sickbay quickly. Though the doctor sounded as if he was happy and not as if he were worried, Malcolm is still frantic. What if something has gone wrong?

He walks briskly toward sickbay; not knowing that to those he passes it seems more like a run. He steps with in sickbay and comes to a sudden halt. Closing his eyes and breathing in and out, not daring to open them again.

"Mal? Mal my Mal?" Trip asks and Malcolm can hear his anxiety.

He opens his eyes and grins. Trip is standing by a chair, holding onto a Zimmer frame. "You're standing!" Malcolm exclaims, going to Trip. Trip lets go of the contraption as he gets near and starts to fall. Malcolm catches him and struggles to help him get back on the biobed since the man is jerking around in his arms.

"It's okay—I have you." Helped by Sam, they get him to sit on the chair and Malcolm tries to smile reassuringly. "I am so proud of you! You were standing! That was wonderful."

Trip is crying and looking confused, twitching. Malcolm holds Trip's hand and sits next to his friend, waiting for the current emotional reaction to work through Trip's mind. "It was nice to see you back on your feet you must have worked hard for it." Malcolm smiles at the corporal in gratitude.

"He's been working on it for days and with every attempt is getting better at it. He's very determined."

"Hard headed, leg straightening; foot on floor flat, knee lifting, and arms on shiny thing, back straining, head high and smiling." Trip says with pride.

"Yes, you do a very good job standing." Samantha praises him; "we'll try a few more times while Malcolm is here. This time your hands have to stay on the Zimmer, the shiny thing."

Trip shakes his head and then puts his hands on the handles of the walker, preparing to stand. He frowns and slowly puts his feet on the floor, looks at them as if unsure they are placed properly, he straightens his knees and stands again. Using his left leg more than his right, his right seeming stiff. He twitches a bit and wiggles his left foot slightly away from his right and then raises his head to look at Sam.

"Very good, you're standing again." She praises; "I want you to sit again, since we are practicing sitting and standing."

Malcolm watches as Trip tries three more times and when he sits the last time he twitches in the chair and looks anywhere but Sam. Sees Malcolm and seems surprised, "Mal, my Mal. Talk a whole bunch of papers together?"

"Pardon?" Malcolm asks, confused.

"Whole bunch of papers like last time, pictures, talk?" Trip scrunches up his face and glares at Malcolm, as if angry that he does not understand him. Thinking that it is Malcolm's fault for not understanding.

Corporal McKenzie hands Malcolm a comic book and Malcolm's face lights up with understanding.

"Of course, I'd love to read to you." Malcolm opens the comic and points to the first picture, reading the caption.

Trip smiles again and leans toward Malcolm, liking the colors on the page and seeing only the mix of colors.

After a few pages, Trip is twitching again and restless. Phlox approaches them and helps Trip to the biobed and Malcolm notices that the biobed is now adorned with multi-colored flags, that the ceiling has a mobile of Earth's solar system hanging from it and that there are simple puzzles and a few broken tricorders on a nearby table. He looks at the doctor questioningly as Trip begins touching the flags and carefully feeling them.

"The flags are for him to touch and relearn what colors they are. They are of different materials so he can feel the difference between rough and smooth, wool and silk. The solar system moves in imitation of the real thing and he enjoys watching it from time to time. He has been able to put together the puzzles and has even been able to repair one of the tricorders."

"Oh my," Malcolm says sitting, "Trip, you are full of surprises today. I wish I had thought of adorning his area with things he could look at and touch. Who came up with the idea?"

"It was Corporal McKenzie, she noticed how easily distracted Trip was and how bored so she gave him things he could touch and focus on." Phlox informs him, "she also has various tapes of sounds and music for him to listen too. Hoshi is using some of the sounds to try to teach him how to read again."

"Corporal McKenzie is a Godsend, I wonder if perhaps she is an angel in disguise." The armory officer muses and hears a disagreeing snort.

"I am hardly an angel;" Sam sticks her tongue out at him. "But I thank you for the compliment; I think we've done as much as Trip is willing to tolerate today. I will be back tomorrow at the same time Doctor."

"I look forward to seeing you." Phlox says, watching her leave and admiring her physical appearance.

After examining each flag, Trip seems to tire. He yawns and lies down, looks at Malcolm. "Malcolm, my Mal pal." He slowly falls asleep; Malcolm sits next to him for awhile and then heads out to meet Travis for their regular sparring session.


	22. Chapter 22

The next day Malcolm knows that Murphy loves this area of space, for once again things get very chaotic, very quickly. They come across a stockpile of anomalies and detect a pod at the center of the stockpile. They even detect a life sign within the pod and since this is very strange they investigate. Getting the pod onto the ship and then disconnecting the being inside from the elaborate life support system that is sending data on his condition elsewhere.

Major Hayes then informs Malcolm that he has received the Captain's permission to start mixed Starfleet and MACO training drills, to improve the crews' readiness for hand to hand combat. He is furious that the Major went behind his back and enraged that his friend and Captain did not set the Major in his place by making him come to Malcolm first. Before he can work out his frustration it comes time for the first set of drills.

He gets into his work out clothing, nods in greeting to the rest of the command staff, smiling at the sight of Phlox in a workout suit. Clenching his teeth at the obviously absent Captain while mourning the absence of his friend Trip.

The Major choosing Travis to be paired with a MACO for a demonstration. It goes too far though, beyond the point where it is instructional in his opinion. He stops the demonstration and draws the Major aside, informing him of his objections. Quite reasonably he thinks and the Major of course takes offence. Malcolm wondering just how what he thought was a reasonable objection stated in a reasonable manner made Hayes become so hostile.

Malcolm wondered why he bothered trying to talk to the hardheaded, extremely stubborn man when it did so little good. Particularly as the Major seemed to look down upon him as if the armory officer was not even worthy of being scraped off of his shoe.

After his little discussion with Hayes they start paired drills. Malcolm keeps an eye on each of his friends as they are paired to a MACO. His mouth involuntarily twitching when Amanda Cole and T'Pol pair off. Chuckling under his breath when he sees Amanda slap T'Pol's bum, the laugh changing to an admiring grin as T'Pol's only reaction to the offense is one judiciously raised eyebrow. He turns his attention to his sparring partner, only keeping a listening ear out for any sounds of distress from his friends. He gets a fairly good workout with his partner, defeating him without having to pull out all the stops. Thus reminding him of how he plays with Travis three or four nights a week.

Once the preliminary sparring is over they move to the shooting range and the Major hands him a phase pistol and starts the simulation right away. Not giving him a chance to examine the balance and get a feel for the weapon, though he does well in the first simulation he can feel that the weapon's balance is slightly off. The Major instructs Cole to increase the simulation's difficulty by several levels and the targets go into motion. During the second simulation Malcolm is unable to compensate for this and the Major takes the opportunity to ridicule him.

After everyone else leaves Malcolm corners Hayes to give him a piece of his mind. "Just what the hell is your problem with me?"

"I don't have a problem with you...sir. I have a problem with having to answer to you. You are Fleet, thus you can not have any combat training, no training in ground assaults or infiltration of a secure compound, and in my opinion you are a pansy." The Major growls at him, "Sir," he adds as an afterthought.

"You do not seem to know as much as you think you do about me major. Before joining Starfleet I was in the British navy and received full training with them. It included training in land based combat, infiltration of secured areas, and combat training. I also have the benefit of two years of experience on this ship, having faced various alien combatants and learning new techniques from them. Gaining insight on how radically different their tactics can sometimes be. I am, in no way, shape or form, a pansy."

"Not only are you a weakling, a pansy, you are pathetic! The way you convinced McKenzie to throw away her time with Tucker and the way you spend so much time with that waste of space."

"Commander Tucker is a human being worthy of respect and of being treated with common decency. He is a brilliant engineer who was injured in the line of duty and thus worthy of honor." Malcolm enunciates carefully, though he longs to just kill the bugger in front of him.

"Commander Tucker is a waste of space and should be shipped off of Enterprise, as he is only a drain on our resources. He has been reduced to an idiotic imbecile that has no business being on a mission to defend Earth." Hayes spits out as viciously as he can.

"I will make you eat those words." Malcolm threatens, hanging onto his control by a thin thread.

"Oh really," he disdainfully says, "I watched you with the Sergeant and you are no match for me, so how do you think you will get me to eat my words?" The older man sneers.

Malcolm goes to a nearby mat and gets into a fighting posture. "I was holding back with him."

"Sure you were," every word filled with sarcasm, Hayes takes a step toward the Englishman.

Malcolm signals dismissively with one hand to 'bring it on' and the fight starts. They fight viciously, first relying on their training and each getting a temporary advantage over the other. The fight degenerating into a knock down, drag out affair. Each hit as punishing as they can make it.

Malcolm is finally knocked onto his back and begins to feel the various aches throughout his body. He watches Hayes stand with difficulty.

Matt walks to the door and says as he leaves, "See? You are a pansy. Trip is an idiot and a waste of time. Something that should be thrown out like so much trash."

Somehow Malcolm is able to drag himself up and finds that he is charging for the hallway. Rage impels him to leap at the Major, tackling him to the ground. Only taking time to inform passing crewmembers that there is nothing to see, he lays down a flurry of punishing blows. Though Hayes attempts to get the upper hand, Malcolm knows the other man has to realize now that he is about to be defeated.

Suddenly they see the alien walk through a wall and down the corridor. They stop fighting, take out their side arms and shoot at him. They miss and start pursuing him, keeping in constant contact with the bridge. T'Pol helps them track him to engineering and they see the alien get onto the top of the warp core and thrust his arm inside it somehow. Everything goes haywire, the engine shuddering and making the ship buck, sparks fly, and panels shoot of the walls and Malcolm curses under his breath. Knowing that the engine is likely to breach under these conditions.

Malcolm thinks hard and fast, reviewing what he knows of the engine and ships systems. Orders Hayes to go to a specific control, telling him what to do once he gets there, and then fights his way to the platform in front of the warp cores main access point. He comes up with a possible way to at least disable the intruder. "Let's see if he can handle this." He works the controls in front of him causing the engine to surge.

The alien tries to fight the surge and finish what it started. The alien starts to struggle, seemingly fading in and out before vanishing. Malcolm lets the engineers' back into the room and stays as far away from Lieutenant Hess as he can. She looks extremely pissed at all the damage her domain has suffered.

"Well, that actually worked. We seem to be a good team Lieutenant." Major Hayes acknowledges as he joins him.

"We would if you could acknowledge that Trip has value. If he had been a MACO and had suffered a similar injury wouldn't you be there for him? Or would you also throw away a gravelly injured MACO?" Malcolm asks him.

Major Hayes stops in his tracks and just looks at Malcolm. "You're right, I would be there for the MACO even though it would make me terribly uncomfortable to see one like that. I just do not have it in me to face someone that is so severely impaired."

"That's your loss." Malcolm informs him as they go to sickbay. When they are called on the carpet by the captain, neither mentions what really started the fight. Malcolm having made it clear to the major than any further degradation of Trip will be met with extreme displeasure.

The armory officer knows that he and Matt will never be friends as both are to driven to be the leader of the fighting force. He does hope he has earned a bit of his respect and made it absolutely clear that Trip is not to be ridiculed, insulted or spoken badly of in any circumstance.


	23. Chapter 23

They are on their way to Azati Prime and it is a week after Malcolm's little disagreement with Hayes and the armory officer is standing to one side of sickbay so as not to distract Trip from his lesson.

Malcolm smiles as he watches Trip and Hoshi together, both sitting on comfortable chairs in front of desk big enough for them to sit side by side. Hoshi is now attempting to help Trip recognize letters and numbers in written form. Having seen how fascinated Trip has been with the various flags she has had Quarter Master make small foam rubber letters and numbers and plastic ones that have magnets in the back so he can stick them to walls. She has a poster with the alphabet and the numbers one to ten written on it the same size as both the foam and plastic letters.

"A, this is the capital letter A," having him touch the letter, "we need to match it to the A on the poster."

"I can do that," Trip carefully touches the A and then the poster, tracing letters with the finger of one hand. He brightens and matches the A to the A. "A is for angel like Hoshi with her wings and smile and how she likes me." He lifts the foam letter and traces the marking on the poster, repeating to himself the letters name.

As Malcolm watches the lesson and sees Trip wiggle with suppressed energy he realizes that Trip is paying attention for longer periods of time. Swallowing a lump of happiness at how much better Trip has become at forming sentences. He's much easier to understand now, at least most of the time. Only occasionally stringing unrelated words together to try to communicate whatever he wants to say.

He is here because Corporal McKenzie asked him to join her for today's lesson and Samantha looked like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. Having had a bit of free time before Sam's scheduled arrival he had decided to just go to sickbay and bask in Trip's presence. He is now glad he did, glad he has seen why Phlox is always talking of how good Hoshi has been for Trip.

Malcolm sees the corporal walk in and head to where Trip and Hoshi are, smiling at both. "Hey Trip, Hoshi, it looks as if you two are having fun."

Trip nods and smiles, looking from one lady to another. He reaches his left hand out toward Hoshi's breast and Hoshi redirects it. "No Trip, you should never touch a private area of someone else without permission. You should only do so after asking if it is okay and the other person saying yes."

"I'm sorry, my hand went that way without me wanting it to." Trip apologizes.

"I know," Hoshi acknowledges, "but until you are able to make sure your hand only does things you want it to do I will keep correcting your hand any time it does something that is unacceptable in public."

Trip nods with a pout and looks at Hoshi with such apparent sadness Malcolm wonders how she is able to resist him.

"How about we give your hand something to do?" Sam says, looking over to the corner he's in. "That is after you say hello to Malcolm."

Malcolm walks over to them and notices Trip's hand going to his lap and rubbing his crotch. "Trip, you should do that only when alone by yourself or alone with someone who you really like and they really like you back."

Trip pushes the table away, sweeping the letters and the poster to the floor. He hits the table with one hand and starts screaming. "I not able hand touch want touch, let me touch!"

Malcolm, Hoshi and Sam back slightly away and try to soothe the commander's rage. After a very long two minutes, Trip is in control of himself again and looking sad. Malcolm goes to him and holds his hand, "I know you want to be touched, it is perfectly normal to want to be touched and to want to touch yourself the way you were. There is, however, a right time and place for that. Just like there is a right time and place for you and Hoshi to do your letters. You wouldn't want to do the letters in Phlox's office when the bat is flying around it, would you?"

"No, bat swoops at me and scares me." Trip informs them and Malcolm squeezes his hand gently.

"Well, it's the same sort of thing as that. You only touch yourself there if you are alone or when you are alone with someone you really like and who really likes you back." Malcolm tries to explain.

"Yeah, okay, but I not want to touch myself on bed." Trip points to the biobed, "Not when I still here am. Only in shower alone no M'Liz or Micky. Feel like I am in a cage and want to have Phlox let me out so I can fly and swoop at people."

"Well, maybe you will be able to leave here soon and go back to your quarters where all your stuff is." Malcolm says, "In the meantime, are you ready to work with McKenzie?"

"Yeah, sorry for scaring you Mac." Trip apologizes to her, "sorry for scaring all you, Sam, Hoshi, Malcolm, my Mal."

The three of them accept his apology and then Hoshi tidies up quickly before heading out of sickbay. The corporal moves a chair to sit facing Trip; "we'll start with arm and hand games today. So we both have a chance to rest before the big challenge."

"Okay," Trip smiles and raises his hands; "I'll come peacefully."

The young woman laughs softly and raises her hands, twining her fingers through the engineer's spread fingers. "Can you squeeze both of my hands?"

Though able to do so easily with his left hand, he can only make the fingers on his right hand curve a little. "That's pretty good." Over the next twenty minutes she works with him through various exercises to strengthen his right arm, to stretch it and others to hopefully improve how much he can use it. Having Malcolm help as she's seen how much Trip enjoys touching him.

Once they have gone through all the hand and arm exercises and a bit of stretching she brings out the walker again and Trip places his hands on the handles. She helps him get a good grip with his right hand and watches him stand. Smiling with pride when he does so with only a brief check to make sure his feet and legs are positioned properly. Winding a canvas belt around Trip's waist, with enough left over that she could hold the extra canvas in her hand. "Malcolm, will you go stand near the door please?" She points to the door leading to the hallway and he goes there without question as he's learned the therapists will kick him out if he asks the wrong question in front of Trip.

Malcolm turns and looks at Trip and Sam, she has moved slightly behind him and her grip on the canvas belt seems designed to hold Trip steady.

"Okay, now we are set for the big challenge. You can start Trip." The corporal tells him, making sure to stay slightly behind him.

Malcolm sees Trip take a step and is about to head towards him when he sees Sam shake her head at him behind Trip. He has to force himself to stand still and is glad he is able to as he watches Trip take step after step towards him with a huge smile on his face. Noticing Trip's limp and how he drags his right foot occasionally.

"Lift your right foot a bit more Trip." McKenzie taps Trip's left hip as she corrects him and he does what she asks. McKenzie seeing Malcolm truly smile as Trip continues to walk to him. When they get to Malcolm, Trip carefully takes his right hand off of the walker and hugs him.

"I did it! I walked." He smiles, "Soon I walk home with you Malcolm my Mal."

"Yes, you'll be able to walk home soon." Malcolm assures him, believing for the first time that Trip will be able to.

He sees Phlox come into the room, "Yes, he will but not quite yet. He will be able to go out for a short time every day, starting tomorrow. We will try it for a week to see how well it goes, we may even get to the point he can walk all the way to the mess hall. For now, I would like you to get back on the biobed Commander."

Trip nods and with Sam behind him, walks to the biobed holding onto the walker carefully. Once there he gets on the biobed and moves the walker to the wall.

"Well, that's all for me today." Corporal McKenzie says, removing the canvass belt. "I'll see you tomorrow Trip."

"Bye Mac, thank you." Trip smiles happily, squirming and bouncing slightly for he's so full of happiness.

"You're welcome," Phlox hears her say as she practically skips out of sickbay.

After briefly checking out Trip, Phlox smiles. "Everything is looking good; I need to talk to Malcolm for a little while on what he needs to do to get ready for the time when you are able to walk home. Will you promise to stay on the biobed while we talk?"

"I promise," Trip sighs, "it's so boring though."

"I know," Phlox agrees and hands him a book from the bedside table. "This is a new book, full of pictures of ships, hover cars, and other machines."

Trip takes it and opens it up, immediately focusing on it alone. Phlox and Malcolm go to the doctor's office. Once there Phlox fixes them both some tea and sets it along with some snacks on the desk.

"I brought you in here, as I need to see whether something is possible." Phlox begins, sipping his tea. "Crewman Novakovich's quarters are next to Trip's, though they are smaller than yours are I was wondering if you would trade quarters with him."

"If its because you would like me to be living closer to Trip when he's out of here, then I would be glad to trade."

"It's a bit more than just living next to Trip though." Phlox cautions, "I would like there to be a connecting door between the two rooms, if possible. So that you are able to get in to his place quickly and he is able to get into yours. Making it a bit more like you two are roommates for the first while at least. I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of the commander being completely alone when he is discharged for over night stays as a way of preparing him for living on his own."

"I think it will be possible, though many of the walls we see have all kinds of relays behind them, I believe there is enough space to create a door between Trip's room and what is now Ethan's. I will talk to Lieutenant Hess about it, once she hears its to get it so Trip is able to get out of sickbay on a more or less permanent basis, I'm sure she will get the engineers on it. I won't mind having a connecting door into Trip's place; come to think of it I believe it will make me feel a bit more at ease with him being home again. Knowing I can look in on him and make sure he is okay."

"I do need to say something for the record," Phlox says, fussing with a PADD, as he's somewhat uncomfortable bringing it up. "Trip is not yet at the point where he is ready for the consequences of 'touching himself when alone with someone he really likes and the someone really likes him in return.' Though he still has the desire to and has shown through testing that his IQ hasn't been greatly affected by the injury, he is still not at the point in recovery where he has the mental capacity to handle the responsibility of a sexual relationship."

Malcolm nods to indicate his understanding and acceptance of the caution. "I won't take advantage of him, but what do I do if he tries to touch me and gets upset when I redirect his hands?"

"It will be hard to strike a balance between protecting Trip from doing more than he is ready for and not stifling his natural desires." The doctor acknowledges, "I know it will be extremely difficult given that you are both extremely attached to each other. However I also think you are the best person to live next to Trip and help him adjust to being out of sickbay again. There will likely be times when you wonder if you've failed and either hurt Trip or taken advantage of his current feelings toward you. There will also likely be some malicious gossip about just why it is that you are living next to Trip and not Travis or Michael Rostov or even the captain."

"I know, I've already heard some very strange rumors about why I visit sickbay so often. I think it is mostly due to how avidly I avoided sickbay before Trip's injury." Malcolm sips his tea and nibbles on a biscuit.

"I will do what I can to nip vicious rumors in the bud, but I think you will need to be prepared for some controversy and perhaps even one or two people confronting you with wanting to defend Trip from you, convinced you must be taking advantage of him." The doctor sighs wearily, "if the captain weren't so busy and so tense from the responsibility of this mission we are on, he would be the one I asked to do this. Not due to you not being capable of the challenge, but due to the fact the crew seems to think of Trip and Captain Archer as brothers."

Malcolm nods and thinks for a bit, "you know, I think it would help to get Jon on our side. For you to tell him of how you asked me to move in next to Trip and to have the connecting door put in. If you are able to help him understand, he will join us in setting people straight on the purpose behind it. The more of our friends we get to understand why we are doing things this way, the more we can stop some of the rumors before they get out of hand."

"True, I will talk to the captain and the various medics today. I'd like you to talk to Travis, Hoshi, Samantha, and all the other crew who have visited consistently."

"As you wish doctor." Malcolm says, finishing his tea and heading out to do so. Malcolm speaks to all of his and Trip's friends and then heads to bed exhausted.

It is a few days later when Trip is almost ready to take the long walk to the mess hall that they come across a trans-dimensional disturbance. They scan it and learn that it will take two weeks to go around it, knowing they dare not spare the time to go around it even though that would be safer, they prepare to go through it. They learn that it would be highly dangerous for anyone but Phlox to travel through the area awake. He knows that if they stayed awake within it, the area of space would kill them within an hour of being exposed to it.

"Captain, the only way the crew would be able to withstand the journey through this area of space is if they were in induced comas." Phlox informs them at a meeting.

"How will that affect the crew?" The captain asks, wishing they could afford the time it would take to go around the area.

"For the most part it will be like a very long sleep. The crew will wake hungry and rested; I am somewhat concerned over what an induced coma might do to Commander Tucker, but am almost certain that he will react as everyone else does to it."

Malcolm tenses up and looks at the doctor, "will it impede his progress? Is there a chance it will make him revert to how he was when he first woke up from coma?"

"I am sure it won't throw away all the progress he has made." Phlox reassures them, "It may slow his progress a bit or make him take a step back rather than the steps forward he's been taking towards recovery. Though it is more likely to just be a bit more difficult for him to wake quickly. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell and it is either take that risk or going around the trans-dimensional disturbance."

Malcolm sighs, "we can't afford to go around it. May I at least stay in sickbay with him so that when he wakes, we are together? I think he'd be less disoriented if he woke up to a familiar face."

"That is an excellent idea Lieutenant." Phlox enthuses, "since I am the only one on board to stay awake throughout the journey I will have to have someone show me how to operate the various systems on board. Just so I can do whatever minor corrections are needed and to monitor them."

They make all the preparations they can, getting as many systems to operate automatically as possible. Then get ready to be put into the induced coma. Phlox gives each crewmember something to empty their stomachs, bladder, etc. to prevent them soiling themselves in the days they will be asleep. Smiling to himself at Hess's and Kelly's insisting that they sleep on cots in Trip's old office so they are immediately available should the need arise. He is also amused at how Malcolm is almost as protective of the armory and weapons systems as he is of Trip.

Though in one way glad he put the commander into the coma first, doing so caused him to feel somewhat guilty. He knows an induced coma is different from what Trip went into as a result of his injury and should not harm him, but still feels guilty when he puts the commander into one.

Once everyone is under he sends the ship on its way through the trans-dimensional space. While within it he believes he is acting in a perfectly normal manner and only realizes after Enterprise emerges into normal space how oddly he was acting. Extremely embarrassed that he walked around the ship in the nude for a while and hoping Malcolm will agree to erase any security tapes of the event.

After releasing a gas that will wake everyone up Phlox makes his way back to sickbay, glad that he's at least dressed again and hopefully not hallucinating any more. He arrives in time to see Malcolm wake and stumble towards Trip's biobed. Trip's eyes open and he looks at Malcolm and Phlox. "I feel woozy and my stomach is sad."

"Well, I do have some food available to make your stomach happier." Phlox smiles, finding the tray, making sure it has all of Trip's favorites on it and setting it on the meal table. "Malcolm, why don't you sit down and eat with Trip. I will go check up on everyone else."

"I'd love to doctor," Malcolm replies, pulling his chair up to the table as Trip stands and moves to another chair by it. Malcolm doing what he can to make sure Trip eats slowly.


	24. Chapter 24

Malcolm walks with Trip toward the mess hall, Trip's walking slowly and carefully with the walker. Corporal McKenzie slightly behind Trip who is wearing jeans with a leather belt fastened around his waist. Stopping occasionally to look at everything. He sees Crewman Secorro and smiles, "hi Izzy, are you going to eat?"

"No Commander," She smiles, her long blonde hair trailing down her back. "I'm going to visit a friend. It's good to see you up and about again."

"Is good to be out of sickbay," Trip smiles.

Malcolm touches Trip's arm gently, "we should keep going, and we want to get there before all the pie is taken."

"Yeah, I want some Key Lime pie, my very favorite." Trip starts walking again, determined to get some pie.

"I thought pecan pie was your favorite."

"It is pecan pie and Key Lime pie and pineapple cakes are my very favorite pies." Trip insists as they enter mess hall.

"Pineapple cake is not a pie," Malcolm reminds him, "why do you like it so much?"

"Pineapple cake made my Mal smile when I got it for him." Trip grins at Malcolm, "So pineapple cake is my favorite. I like my Mal's smile."

Malcolm guides Trip to a table by the window and smiles, seeing Jon headed their way. "I will go to get us something to eat. Jon is almost here and I'm sure the two of you will want to talk. I'll be back very soon." Malcolm goes to where the food is kept and sees Jon sit across from Trip. Smiling as they start talking and glad that the captain has always made an effort to visit Trip often.

Malcolm gets a tray and puts two mugs of coffee, a small pot of tea and a cup, a slice of Key Lime pie, a slice of chocolate cake and a slice of Pineapple upside down cake on it. He takes it all back to the table, helping Trip get his pie and coffee in front of him. Taking his tea and pineapple cake and sitting kitty corner to Trip. "The chocolate cake is for you Jon, please join us."

"Yeah," Trip agrees, "want to talk to you."

"Okay, I'll stay I've been wanting to see the two of you." Jon takes a bite of cake and smiles. "I was talking with Lieutenant Hess and she will be able to prepare your quarters for when you are able to go home Trip. Ethan and Malcolm will be switching quarters with each other so that Malcolm can be right next door to you, should you need any help."

Trip pouts and looks at Malcolm, "not in my home with me?"

"No, I will not be in your home with you. We want you to get used to living alone again before having to share a home with someone, even if the someone is I."

Trip sighs, "okay, at least I'll be home again. Can I work with engine again?"

"Not right away, Hess is willing to let you work with her a little bit each day on broken tricorders and other things like that." Jon tells them, "You aren't ready to work on the engine yet, though you can go look at it."

"Every thing takes too long a time." Trip complains to them and looks out the window. "Out of sickbay finally." He smiles happily.

"I'll be bringing the latest batch of mail from home to you tonight Trip." Jon tells him, "Hoshi was able to link to the communications buoy finally. There are several letters from your family for you to enjoy. I even have several tapes of water polo matches and will bring one for us to watch together tonight."

"Malcolm in swims trunks?" Trip asks hopefully and Malcolm blushes.

"No, he isn't in the matches, but other men in swim trunks are." Jon chuckles, smirking at Malcolm.

"Okay, Stanford and Florida, Florida win by a splash." Trip looks at Jon with a challenge.

"I'll back Stanford; if Stanford wins you will walk Porthos for me soon. If Florida wins I'll have Malcolm pose for a picture of him in a swimsuit and give the picture to you."

"You're on." Trip smiles and licks his lips as he sees Malcolm blushing.

After they finish their snack, Malcolm and Trip walk back to sickbay, greeting everyone they meet. It is only when Trip is settled back onto the biobed that Malcolm says his farewells and goes to meet Hoshi in the armory for some target practice.


	25. Chapter 25

The next day Archer leads an away team to inspect a crashed Xindi- insectoid ship. Though all adults died in the crash they find a hatchery full of insect eggs hanging everywhere. As Hess follows the captain and the MACO's through the ship, she can not help feel that it is a good thing Trip wasn't capable of joining the mission. She knows how much he dislikes bugs and knows this would freak him out. She is astounded when the captain insists they must keep the eggs safe, that they must do all they can to protect them and make sure that they hatch safely and survive.

She keeps a close eye on the captain as his behavior gets stranger and stranger, from her point of view at least. Sharing her concerns with T'Pol and Malcolm, since they know Captain Archer better than she does. Lieutenant Hess is shocked when the Sub-commander is confined to her quarters, but what the captain does next astounds her.

"We need to keep Trip in sickbay; he is not to be allowed out. Lieutenant Reed, you will stop trying to prevent me from caring for the eggs. If you do not do so, you will suffer the consequences."

It is after hearing Captain Archer say that, that she helps Lieutenant Reed and T'Pol stage a mutiny. None of them daring to tell Major Hayes of their plan since the captain left him in charge on the bridge for some inexplicable reason.

After they succeed in their attempt to wrest control of the ship from Hayes, Phlox is able to get the captain in for treatment and cures him. The acting chief engineer learns that his odd behavior was due to the captain having had an egg spray him. That the chemicals injected by that process somehow imprint upon those affected by them with an instinctual drive to protect the insect eggs and care for the offspring as if they were there own. The lieutenant knows she will never forget how the captain let those baby insects crawl all over him, nor how he acted so motherly towards them.

Once he's back to normal, Jon is appalled at how badly he treated Trip and Malcolm. Though he knows from the doctor's explanation that he was not in control of his own actions, he feels he should have been able to have enough control to treat his friends with the respect they deserve. He walks toward sickbay, hoping to be able to speak to them and to apologize for what he did. He hopes that they will both be able to accept the apology and put the incident behind them.

He enters the room and hears Trip's voice, "he made me stay here so none of those icky, and creepy crawly and six-leggeds could scare me."

Jon sees Malcolm smile, "I suppose, but I am quite perturbed at how he reprimanded me on the bridge in front of everyone, ordered me to get off the bridge and actually put Hayes in charge."

"That was not good," Trip agrees, "why did you do that Jonny?" He asks, looking at the captain.

"Well, according to Phlox, I wasn't in control of my own actions. The first time I went down to the crashed ship one of the insect eggs shot a liquid at me. Apparently the liquid makes sure whomever it touches is driven to protect the eggs and the insect babies. It had me acting as if I was their mother."

Trip contorts his face, "Eww...I am glad I did not go that I stayed in this room. Can I go out of it again? Are the creepy crawlies gone?"

"The creepy crawlies, babies Xindi insectoids are gone." Jon reassures him with a smile. "You are able to leave sickbay any time Phlox or one of the medics says its okay."

"It was bad for you to hurt Mal on the bridge even if you were mama to creepy crawlies." Trip pokes Jon's right shoulder with his finger. "You don't look like a mama's supposed to."

"I know, Malcolm, I am terribly sorry for what I did." Jon turns to him, his eyes as sad and pleading as Porthos' gets when he wants cheese. "When I am thinking clearly I know that you are an excellent officer and do an extraordinary job. To speak to you like that in front of everyone and in front of Hayes, well, it was inexcusable. To remove you from duty in that situation put the whole ship at risk. Your actions with the Xindi ship were beyond reproach and should have been commended, not reprimanded. Major Hayes had no business being put in charge as he is not in the chain of command and has very little knowledge of how bridge operations work. I am truly sorry for what I said and what I did; can you ever forgive me Malcolm?"

"I can and I will" Malcolm assures the captain, looking him in the eye. "It will take awhile, for even though I know you were not in control of your actions, your actions hurt me and had the potential of hurting those that I care for."

"Understood," the captain shuffles his feet, a bit awkward. "By the way, Florida won the water polo game Trip and I watched together. So, well, will you have a picture of yourself taken in a swimsuit and give it to Trip?"

"Yes, please!" Trip bounces a bit, grinning at Malcolm.

Malcolm blushes and glares at Jon when he realizes the captain asked now since the armory officer could hardly refuse in front of Trip. "Yes, I will have the picture taken. On the condition that you eventually tell me why the latest transmission from Starfleet Command had you steaming from the ears with anger Jon. Assuming the message was not classified, that is."

"It isn't and I will tell you tomorrow, for now I just want to hang out with you and Trip." The captain says.

"Will you tell me too?" Trip asks.

"Eventually, for now it is something that only Malcolm, T'Pol and I need to know." Jon assures him.

"Okay, can we go for a walk to the room with all the windows?" The southerner asks eager to get out of sickbay.

"Yes, Phlox said you and I could take a walk if we wanted to. Going to the observation lounge is a good idea." Malcolm answers and sees Trip grasp his walker's handles. The three walk there together, chatting, Trip and Malcolm ganging up to tease Jon about being a "mother" now.


	26. Chapter 26

The next day Jon waits for Malcolm to join him in his ready room, dreading the conversation to come. The door opens and Jon indicates that Malcolm should take a seat. Once Malcolm is seated he pours them both some whisky, "We'll both need it for this conversation, so please do not point out that we are still on duty."

"As you wish, sir." Malcolm says, wondering what has upset Jon so much.

"At the moment I'm Jon," the older man informs him, "a very frustrated Jon. Phlox and I informed Starfleet Command of Trip's injury just after it happened and have been updating them on his progress. In the message I received from them just before the debacle in regards to the insects, they informed me that Trip has been honorably discharged."

"Well, honorable discharge is a start, Phlox has said it will be highly unlikely that Trip will ever be able to fulfill the duties of a chief engineer again."

"I know, but there's more." Jon takes a deep breath and reads from a pad. "In the words of Admiral Kinsey, "As for your request that the commander's contributions to Enterprise's mission as a whole be formally recognized, your request is denied. Your inquiry into whether Trip will be allowed to stay on the ship after the Xindi mission is fulfilled as an auxiliary member, perhaps a Steward or Engineer's assistant, well the very idea is ludicrous. His injury has left him unfit for inclusion on Starfleet's flagship, even in a civilian capacity. Even the civilians currently on board must measure up to some standard and the commander does not even begin to meet it now."

Jon takes a breath and continues, "There is no place for him in Starfleet now, no possible use that he can be. You are to formally remove him from the position of Chief Engineer and to give the position to Lieutenant Hess. Should you complete your mission successfully you are not to acknowledge or speak of Commander Tucker specifically. The few mentions the media have given to his contribution are more than enough. Further, considering his injury and the lasting effects it will have, I would suggest finding a retirement home he can live in. I do not see how he could do anything else. Admiral Kinsey, Starfleet Command."

Malcolm looked at Jon in disbelief, hardly believing his ears. "So they won't even give him a Purple Heart, or whatever the equivalent is in Starfleet? No medal for distinguished service? No recognition for the many and various improvements he's made on the ship and to the engine? Not even a 'it was nice to know you' from them? Just the equivalent of 'don't let the door hit you as you leave'?"

"Basically yes, I will do my best to reason with command and try to appeal to Admiral Forrest. Trip deserves formal recognition of his service and acknowledgement for having been injured in the line of duty."

"He does and I doubt the crew will be happy if he is not recognized for his contribution. They would see it as Starfleet saying that if you receive a career ending injury that you are useless. That you are only of use to them if you are working at full capacity and that is a dangerous thing to imply. It would not only effect crew morale, but it would have several people reconsidering their decision to join Starfleet." Malcolm points out and takes a sip of the whisky.

"I know and I will point all that out to Forrest, I can understand the honorable discharge, but it must come with some sort of formal recognition from Starfleet, I will accept nothing less."

"I will do all I can to support you in your attempt to make the bureaucracy see reason." Malcolm clenches a fist, "if they don't see reason they will have to deal with a very upset Armory Officer."

"And a very upset Captain," Jon sighs, "I just don't know what to tell Trip."

Malcolm sighs too, "Perhaps only that he's been given an honorary discharge, as Lieutenant Hess needs to be recognized as the official Chief Engineer. That you know he will still be able to contribute to the ship and the mission and that you know he will always make a contribution in whatever he chooses to do now that he isn't officially in Starfleet anymore." Malcolm sees Jon sit straight in his seat and look as if he's just found a solution.

"It just might work." Jon muses out loud.

"What might work?" Malcolm asks, leaning toward Jon, eager to hear the idea.

"I have been told a few times by command that I should give Earth's media a general interview. Making sure not to reveal anything that's been classified or what we are specifically doing in our goal to reach the Xindi and stop another attack. Trip's injury is neither classified, nor is revealing its reality something that could compromise our mission. I could speak to the media about Trip's contributions, how honored I am to serve with him and have him as a friend. Mentioning that he's received an injury that will make it impossible to serve in Starfleet, but that he will still be able to make a contribution to society. Implying that I wish Starfleet would acknowledge how valuable his service has been to Earth and how I'm waiting to hear of such acknowledgement. I'm sure the media and the general population would take it from there."

"Yes, but that means the media would poke into every corner of Trip's life, that some of them will sensationalize the injury, and it would raise the specter of them not allowing Trip any privacy. Giving such an interview may even make Starfleet dig their heels in deeper, becoming even more determined not to formally acknowledge the commander." Malcolm points out, "However, if you implied to command that you were tempted to give such an interview praising Trip, they might offer to recognize Trip in exchange for your silence on the subject. They would know that the fact they haven't honored Trip reflects poorly on how they treat their servicemen."

"You have a point; the media would likely not rest until they dig out every thing there is to dig out on Trip. I know how much he hated it when they learned about his pregnancy somehow. I won't speak to them, but I will do my best to reason with Starfleet command."

"I think Trip would value your personal recognition higher than any honor Starfleet eventually bestows upon him." The younger man says as he sets down his empty glass. "I think it would mean a lot to him if you thanked him for all he has done for Enterprise."

"I will, I'll arrange to thank him in front of a small gathering of the crew. Have his people and the bridge crew gather in Engineering for a formal acknowledgement and talking to him privately the next time we meet for a thank you from Jon as opposed to the captain. For now, we'd both better get back to work."

"Aye, aye captain." Malcolm stands, "thank you for letting me know what was going on in regards to Trip."

"You're welcome." Jon says, going to the door. They walk out onto the bridge together and get back to work.


	27. Chapter 27

Jon goes to Trip as soon as his shift is over to let him know about the discharge, knowing that considering the hazards they face in the Expanse that he can not delay. He also realizes that he does not want to try to delay. He wants to let his friend know just how much Jon appreciates what he's done so far and how he believe Trip will succeed in whatever he chooses to do next.

He enters sickbay and sees Trip sitting at a table with a book open in front of him, tracing letters. "Hi Trip, I need to talk with you. Would you come with me to the observation lounge, so we can talk privately?"

Trip smiles, "I'd like that, the letters in this book are all zig zaggy."

"What do you mean by Zig zaggy? Jon asks.

"Sometimes my eyes don't see the letters right. They go upside down or look like they've been taken apart and put together wrong."

"Ah, I see." Jon looks around for the walker, "where is your walker?"

"McKenzie says I'm ready to try walking with two canes and that she thinks I can do with just one cane soon."

"That's wonderful," Jon says as he sees Trip reach for the canes before standing up.

"Phlox says I can spend a whole day away from Sickbay and back home soon." Trip tells him as they walk to the observation lounge. "I really, really, really want to be able to walk out of sickbay and not go back unless I need to see Phlox. His animals can be very noisy and the bat still swoops at me."

Once they are in the lounge, Jon locks the door to keep their conversation private. "I heard from Starfleet command recently, about what Phlox and I had to tell them about your injury. I'd like you to sit so I can tell you what they said."

"Bad news huh?" Trip sits and watches Jon sit across from him.

"Yes, bad news." Jon confirms, "Since you are not yet able to do all that a Chief Engineer needs to do to keep the engines running and the Engineering team working together, Starfleet has given you an honorary discharge. It means you aren't officially in Starfleet any more, that you are a civilian again. It also means you get your full retirement benefits and that people in Starfleet are still able to refer you to as a commander."

"Oh, so they're saying they don't think I'll ever be smart enough or good enough for them?" Trip starts crying.

"No, they're saying they don't think you'll recover enough to be Chief Engineer while we are still in the Expanse. They're saying that they need to make it official that Lieutenant Hess is now Chief Engineer so she has all the authority she needs to keep things running."

"Hess, good engineer, is okay if she's chief."

Jon notices how Trip's ability to speak in the accepted manner degenerates when he's under stress and wonders for a moment if that will always be so. "She might be a good engineer, but you are the best engineer I've ever had the privilege to meet. You are also the best friend I've ever had and one of the best men I've ever known. I know that I will never meet another engineer as good as you."

Trip looks at him, "Really?"

"Really, you have not only kept Enterprise running, but you made her run more efficiently. You improved her systems and even got the engine to be able to go faster than it was supposed to be able to go. You designed new ways of doing things and sent those designs to Starfleet so they can benefit from them. Enterprise would not have gotten so far without you. Your contribution to away missions and when we met other ships was almost always beneficial, made things go easier. I'm proud of you Trip and glad that you call me friend. Glad that I met you for you've become the brother I never had."

"Thank you Jonny." Trip smiles through his tears. "Meeting ships was not always good though. Like when I almost had a baby." He rubs his side and shakes his head.

"Not always good, no." Jon concedes, "More good than bad though. No matter what you choose to do now that you are a civilian again, I know it will be of help."

"My eyes, hand and brain won't let it be engineer though." Trip complains, "I can not do the math necessary, my hand won't do all I want it to do, and right now my eyes make words do strange things."

"Perhaps, but you are still able to fix tricorders, PADDs, and know what all the tools are used for." Jon reminds him.

"Yeah, I've become a very good fix-it man. And a good idea man, Crewman Kelly was trying to make the shuttle pods work better and told me what she had tried and how she couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. I was able to help her figure out how to make it work."

"That's wonderful," Jon says, "you've always been a good fix-it man. Do you think you'd like to try doing that once you go back to work? Even if it's not with Starfleet?"

"Yes, I would." Trip smiles and dries his tears. "And if I'm not with Starfleet, Malcolm and I don't need to worry about rank."

"You do know that Phlox wants Malcolm to wait awhile before you get together as a couple."

"We're a couple, just no kissing or touching private areas yet." Trip informs him. "I want to kiss and touch and don't know why they are making me wait, but I'll wait. Even if it takes days and days and days and days, I will wait. It will be worth it."

"It will. I'm sure it will happen one day though." Jon reassures him, "you like each other too much for it not to happen."

Trip nods, "can we go to your place and watch some water polo or football?" Trip asks Jon, bouncing a bit.

"Yeah, I have a Stanford and Washington game that we haven't seen yet. Let's go to my place."

"Okay, it will be nice to see and pet Porthos again and to try to picture Malcolm playing."

Jon smiles, opening the door and walking slowly beside Trip as they head towards his quarters.


	28. Chapter 28

A few days after Jon informs Trip of his discharge and Hess of her change in status from Acting Chief Engineer to actual Chief engineer, the ship finally reaches Azati Prime. All indications pointing to the fact that the weapon is almost complete. Their scans revealing that the weapon is hidden deep within the ocean.

"We'll be able to get closer to the weapon, possibly even close enough to scan it for weaknesses if we use the insectoid shuttle we acquired to do a trial run." Malcolm points out; "it should be someone with either engineering or tactical knowledge so they can analyze the scans quickly."

The captain nods, "Travis, I want you and Lieutenant Hess to work on trying to learn how to operate the shuttle and inform me once you've learned how to make it maneuver."

"Yes sir." Hess and Travis say in unison. When they finally work out how to operate the shuttle and Hoshi has installed a Universal Translator that will translate all forms of the Xindi language to English and English into Insectoid, Travis and Hess head out for the trial run.

Travis carefully pilots the ship, entering the atmosphere with ease and they cut through the surface of the ocean smoothly. Heading straight for the weapon, Hess helping to keep the shuttle running efficiently and handling all communication with the Xindi. They quickly scan the weapon and head back to Enterprise with the knowledge they have gathered.

"Well, we now have the information we need in order to destroy the weapon, good work." The captain praises. "Travis, you will show me how to operate the shuttle so I can go down and take care of the weapon."

"I should be the one to go," Lieutenant Hess protests, "I have the engineering knowledge and I'm a good pilot."

"I should," Travis says, "I'm the best pilot on board and getting back in will take some fancy flying."

"No arguments, I am the one going and that's final." Jon says, "I don't want to hear it Lieutenant Reed." He says upon seeing Malcolm ready himself for an objection. "My decision is final." Jon dismisses the command staff and sighs when Malcolm stays behind. "I thought I made it clear I won't accept any arguments, I will not send anyone in my place. That's especially true when it comes to you."

"Why is it especially true of me?" Malcolm asks. "I hope you are not dismissing me due to my hydrophobia, I can push the fear away for long enough to accomplish the mission."

"I know, but the risk is too great. Trip needs you too much to risk your going on this mission. He stands a better chance of recovering from my death than he would if you died. Though he'd be devastated if the worse happened and I died, you would be able to help him through it. If you died, I don't think anyone could help him through the grief. He'd shut down and I'm afraid he would likely never allow anyone to reach him."

Malcolm sighs; "He wouldn't accept your death with ease and would be more than devastated. Travis and Hess are both capable of getting to the weapon and destroying it."

"We need Hess here as Chief Engineer; we can not risk her as her loss would be more than the Engineering department can recover from, especially coming right on top of Trip no longer being able to work there. As for Travis, I just don't think I can live with sending someone else, if they did not make it back the guilt would eat me alive. I was barely able to live with the guilt of wondering if a decision I had made led to Trip being injured so severely."

"I can understand that, but I want you to promise to do all you can to make it back alive and in one piece. If you don't make it back alive, I will kill you."

Jon laughs; "Understood and I will make a note of your objections officially. Even if I am ignoring them."

"I find it extremely frustrating when you do ignore them." Malcolm complains, "May I walk you to the shuttle bay?"

"I'd like that." Jon smiles. Though he does all he can to make it back in one piece the Xindi have other ideas. They capture him and interrogate him, using force against him in an attempt to make him talk. When Degra finally gets him away from the Reptilians and back to his ship he finds that they faced a devastating attack.

Once he's made sure repairs are on the way he takes a walk around ship to comfort his crew, letting them know that the eighteen people who died won't be forgotten, and eventually heads to sickbay for treatment. "Where is Trip?" He asks, not seeing him when he arrives.

"I sent him to the mess hall to get some food and drink for the patients and the medics." Phlox informs him. "He can push a cart here for us. In the mean time, I want you to get onto the biobed captain. I want to see how severe your injuries are."

Seeing by Phlox's posture that he won't allow any leeway, Jon gets onto the biobed. Sighing as the doctor takes his time, pokes and prods him, and lectures him on how hardheaded he is. "I will never understand why you didn't send someone else. Yes, I know you find it hard to watch someone else take the risks and worry over whether they will make it back. I know that you find it hard to handle the worry and the long wait to hear what has happened. But you have failed to consider how hard it is on the crew when you go on these foolhardy quests on how much they worry when you go into such a dangerous situation. I don't think the crew could withstand your loss Jonathan."

Jon sighs, "I know, but this was not something I could hand to someone else. I promised Trip that I would do what I could to stop the Xindi myself. To me that means I have to take some risks in order to destroy the weapon and keep Earth safe. To me it is worth the risk, I won't send someone else to do the job that I promised to do myself."

Phlox sighs, "there are times I think talking to a wall would have more an effect than trying to reason with you."

"Yeah, it would." Trip says, pushing a cart in front of him. "The wall listens better."

"Hey, I thought you would be on my side!" Jon protests.

"I am, but you should listen to Phlox. He's a good doctor." Trip insists.

"That I am," Phlox confirms, "so good that I will be able to kick you out for the day tomorrow, now that you are down to using one cane. You will be able to leave after breakfast, go to engineering for the morning to help. I want you to leave engineering for the mess hall for lunch; Corporal McKenzie will spend the afternoon with you. We'll work up to the point where you are able to spend a whole day working."

"Will I be able to sleep at home soon?" Trip asks.

"Well I want to make sure that the new medication has absorbed into your body. It will make the shakes go away, the seizures stop. You need to be in sickbay at night so I can monitor how the medicine is working but it looks as if it will be completely absorbed soon. So, I think you'll be able to go home for good soon," Phlox answers, "we have to take one day at a time."

"You hear that Jonny?" Trip wiggles with excitement, "It's going to be so good to be away from here for a day."

"We'll celebrate by having lunch together tomorrow, I'll invite Malcolm to join us too." Jon has to swallow tears of joy at seeing how far Trip has come from the day he was injured 5 long months ago.


	29. Chapter 29

That evening Trip wiggles in his biobed, his clothing squeezing him tight and making him squirm. The clothing is just so uncomfortable and bugging him so much he has to stand. Once standing he rips his clothing off of him. Even taking of the undershirt, shorts and socks. He isn't sure whether walking in his bare feet is a good idea, but just can not stand the feel of socks on his feet.

The animals start to make a lot of noise and Trip winces. His head aching, the noise stifling him, making it hard to breathe. He takes his canes in hand and heads for the door. He has to get away from the noise before it drives him insane.

He presses the button and the door opens letting him get out of sickbay. The door closes behind him and he's no longer able to hear the animals. He sighs happily, stretching himself, glad to be away from the noise.

"Commander?" Travis says upon seeing him, grinning and blushing at the same time. "I think you should go back in sickbay."

"No, too noisy!" Trip says, digging in his heels.

"At least let me give you my jacket to wrap around your waist."

"No," Trip says, stepping away from Travis. "The jacket would strangle me."

"Okay," Travis says hesitantly, not sure what to do. Not wanting to leave Trip in the middle of the corridor naked and worried at how insistent Trip is at not allowing even a jacket near him. "How about we go to the observation lounge. It's quiet." Travis says, hoping Trip will agree. At least if they got there, fewer people would see the commander naked and he could probably call for help.

"Okay," Trip says and leads the way to the observation lounge. Travis cringing every time they meet someone and they stop and stare. He finally gets Trip to the lounge and does what he can to make sure they stay alone. Travis had no idea what to look at, he couldn't very well follow Trip's movements throughout the room, but he couldn't go to the view port to look out either. If he did Trip might make his way out of the room and into the corridor again.

Travis edges to the COMM the bridge about his situation, the sound of the COMM channel opening making Trip wince. He whispers to Hoshi, "you need to keep your voice down. Tell Malcolm Trip needs his or the captain's help in the observation lounge near sickbay and just to walk in quietly." Seeing Trip heading toward the door, "I've got to go, don't page back."

Travis hurries to the door and gets there before Trip who just looks at him and walks off toward the window again. Wishing he knew what else to do besides stand there and avoid looking at Trip. Trip makes it hard not to look at him by pacing in front of him, seemingly full of nervous energy. Travis hopes Malcolm won't hurt him for his seeing Trip naked before the Armory Officer can.

After what seems like hours the door finally opens both Malcolm and Jon walking in to see Trip pacing around the room naked. Travis explains the situation to them in whispers, "He said sickbay was too noisy and refused to let me wrap my jacket around him as it would strangle him. I didn't know quite what to do, so I just brought him here."

"No noise, noise closing in on me, making it hard to breathe." Trip complains, still pacing. Sees Malcolm and nods at him.

Malcolm attempts to head toward him and Trip avoids him. "No touching, not even my Mal. My skin is too tight." The southerner continues to pace, after another few minutes the nervous energy seems to fade and Trip sits on the couch. "Okay, you can touch now and talk." Trip smiles at them.

"Can we send Travis to get you something to wear?" Malcolm asks.

"Why?" Trip asks, "I'm warm and there are no sharp things on the floor."

"Yes, but I can't allow you to walk around the ship naked." Jon says, "Too many people would want to come see it."

"Okay, Travis, will you go get me some clothes? Loose ones?" Trip asks.

"Right away sir," Travis promises and scoots out of the room fast.


	30. Chapter 30

The next morning Phlox smiles at Trip, "your going about naked caused quite a stir. There is a reason your clothing felt too tight to you and the noise was bothering you, the pathways in your brain were temporarily overloaded by too much information. The pathways got all mixed up, I've worked on your medication and you shouldn't have a recurrence of the effect. So I will release you from sickbay during the day.

Once out of sickbay, Trip goes to Engineering to help out. On his way there, almost everyone in the corridor seems glad to see Trip as he goes back to Engineering half days to help. He notices that a few crewmembers avoid him, staying as far away from him as they can. Just as they would if he had something catchy. Some refusing to meet his eyes and even hears a few saying things like, "the poor thing." "You do know that the brain damage made him an idiot." "I worry that he'll hurt us accidentally if they let him too close to the engine." "Did you hear about how he chased after Travis yesterday, without any clothes on?"

He is so upset at what he overhears that he opens the door leading to Engineering proper and promptly walks into the doorframe. "Commander, are you okay?"

He looks up and sees Hess, not able to hide the tears that are trying to fall. "Not really, I heard some people say some nasty things about me."

She gets an angry look, "I had hoped the crew would handle this better. Let's go to the briefing closet," referring to the room used to have small meetings of Engineer's, "so I can tell you just how much I'm looking forward to working with you again."

He follows her to the small room just inside and to the left of the door, and sits on one of the chairs, leaning his cane next to the wall. "You're not just saying that because I used to be your boss, are you? That you want to work with me again?"

"No, I'm not just saying it." Hess takes his hand, "I mean it Trip. I've missed you; we've all missed you here. Sure, you have worked an hour or two the last little while with us in the shuttle bay or in one of the storage rooms, but this is special. We get to work together for half a day, benefit from your help, talk with you about how the ship's systems are acting and hear your ideas on how to improve them. You may not be able to work directly on them due to how your eyes are, or how you find math difficult now, but you still have brilliant insights and are able to see things that no one else does. You still have the knowledge and experience you have gained, when you couple that with your ability to help others see how to improve something and your determination, well it adds up to extremely valuable assistance."

"Thanks Hess," Trip smiles, "it means a lot to me to hear that."

"I'm glad, let's get out there and go to work. The rest of the engineering staff would love to see you."

He goes out with Hess and sees the whole staff including the night shift there. "Hip, Hip, Hooray! Hip, Hip, Hooray! Three cheers for our honorary Chief Engineer! Trip! Trip! Trip!"

"Welcome back Commander," Lieutenant Hess says, "Starfleet may have given me your job, but you are still the Chief of Engineering in our hearts."

Trip clears his throat and attempts to talk, when nothing comes out he tries again. "Thank you, everyone, thank you. It means the universe and the stars to me." They all smile and come one by one to let him know how glad they are to see Trip working in engineering again.

Once they have, Trip orders the off duty crew to let the others get back to work. Trip goes to Hess's side and works with her throughout the morning. Handing her tools and giving advice occasionally. Adjusting some of her scanners to work a bit better and by lunch Trip is feeling a bit tired, but very happy. Being able to help, even a little, was wonderful.

He heads to the captain's dining room at lunch, ignoring any insults he hears. Realizing that the crewmembers that are degrading him just don't know how far he has come. Determined not to let what they say get him down. He worries that this is just a taste of what he will eventually face when they get back to Earth, knowing humans still have difficulty accepting the disabled and finally admitting to himself that he will never be the same Trip Tucker he was before the injury. That there will always be things he is unable to do because of it. He stops for a moment in the middle of a corridor and gathers all the determination a Tucker is born with. He then tries to remind himself of all he is able to do and that he can still learn how to do more if he just uses 'that stubborn heart of yours' as his mama says.

He gets to the dining room and enters, smiling at Malcolm. He notices how comfortable Malcolm is with Jon now, having no fidgeting awkwardness, and is glad. Mal's come a long way too and Trip is proud of him. "I will get better enough to make love with my Mal one day." He says and blushes, not having intended to say that out loud.

Jon dissolves into laughter at how Malcolm blushes and waves Trip to a seat. "Thanks for the heads up Commander."

"Permission to try to become invisible sir?" Malcolm asks, still blushing.

"Permission denied," Jon says, "I'm sure you'll survive."

"I didn't mean to say that." Trip apologizes and sees Malcolm smile in forgiveness.

"Good to know," he says, looking Trip in the eye, "that will comfort me when Jon teases me about it mercilessly."

"And I promise I will Malcolm," Jon threatens, "I won't be able to resist." He turns to Trip, "How did your morning go?"

"Really good, my staff surprised me by all being there and welcoming me back to Engineering. It was so good to work there again even if only to hand people various tools and share my ideas. It was good to hear the warp core from up close; I've missed its singing. It isn't singing the way it should though, we need to replace it or spend weeks fixing it. I even got to pat it. I'm not ready to get on the platform yet; the idea of being so high up scares me." "I can see why it would." Malcolm assures him, seeing how ashamed Trip is of admitting it. "With time and a bit of help from Phlox, I'm sure you will manage it one day."

"I hope so, patting the warp core from the deck isn't the same as patting her from the platform." Trip complains.

Once their meal is over Trip leaves the room and sees Corporal McKenzie waving at him. He joins her and they head out for the afternoon.

Later that day the ship encounters another ship, after analyzing its engine and systems Hess informs the captain that it might be possible to overhaul its engine and use it to repair their own. Trip and Sam hear how Jon tries to arrange a trade and how it fails. Then Trip hears of how Jon, knowing they can not spare the time to repair their own engine plans to take the alien's by force.

"He's going to insist on going with the engineers and that assault force—I just know it." Trip says, "He will insist he can't let anyone else go, has to be seen being the one responsible. I wish he'd learn to let others go."

"I know what you mean; I'm sure Lieutenant Reed and Major Hayes wish that too. Unfortunately your captain insists on taking the world onto his shoulders and is too stubborn to share the burden."

"Yeah, but if he keeps doing this he'll get himself killed and then what would we do?" Trip asks.

"We'd find his ghost and knock some sense into it." The corporal suggests with a smile.

"Wouldn't work, with our luck the ghost would be even more stubborn." Trip gets onto the stationary bicycle and starts pedaling.

"I don't see how it would be possible for the captain's ghost, or for that matter the captain, to get even more stubborn."

"He'd find a way; he's good at doing the impossible." Trip pedals away, forcing his right leg to try just a little harder.

They stay in the gym as the captain leads the assault, breathing a sigh of relief when they hear that the away team has come back and were able to bring back the other engine with them. "I'd love to see the other engine." Trip tells Sam.

"I know, I'll COMM Hess and see if it is okay. If it is we can go there for a half an hour. Then we'll have to go back to sickbay. If we didn't Phlox would hunt us down and then he'd blame me for not getting you back in time."

They soon head for Engineering and Trip gets to see the engine. He pokes at it awhile and makes a few suggestions on how to use it to repair their warp core. After half an hour, McKenzie drags him out of Engineering and they go back to sickbay.

"I can't wait for the day I can stay away from Sickbay for good." Trip says.

"It will be soon commander," Phlox reassures him, having heard the engineer. "Within the next two weeks I think."


	31. Chapter 31

Enterprise heads out to rendezvous with Degra, the captain making time for a memorial service for the eighteen people that died. Having to compose himself when he thinks of how close they came to having a similar service for Trip.

When they get to Degra's ship they dock with it and let him on board. Once Trip hears a Xindi is on board he leaves sickbay without permission and finds Degra talking to T'Pol. "So you're the one that made the weapon that killed my baby sister. You were the one to kill millions of people and now you want us to trust you?"

"Commander," T'Pol looks at him as if trying to get him to stop.

"Did you see the cities burning? Did you watch as my sister was vaporized?" Trip spits out at Degra, ignoring T'Pol.

Suddenly they feel the ship shake, "Bridge to T'Pol, we've been informed of a warp plasma conduit overloading, Lieutenant Reed has been taken to sickbay with severe injuries."

Trip stands there and glares at Degra, not noticing Jon join them.

"I hope he'll be all right." He says, looking at the captain.

"What's one more dead human to you?" Trip asks, somehow amazed he can still speak when his whole world might be falling apart.

"Trip, that's enough!" Captain Archer reprimands him, "Malcolm needs you now and you should go to sickbay to be with him. T'Pol, Hess and I will handle Degra.

"Aye sir." Trip says, turning and heading towards sickbay. Unable to think, needing to concentrate in order to put one foot in front of another. He gets there, finds a chair to sit on and waits to hear if his Malcolm is going to be okay. He doesn't know what he'll do if Malcolm was no longer there.

After waiting for what seems forever, Trip finally sees Phlox and the medics come out, moving Malcolm to a biobed. "Will he be okay?" He asks, stumbling for the biobed and carefully touching one of Malcolm's hands.

"Yes, he will recover. In fact, he will be able to walk out of here in a few days." Phlox reassures him.

Trip takes a deep breath of air, sits in the chair next to Malcolm's biobed and putting his head on the younger man's shoulder and starts to laugh and sob at the same time.

"He'll be okay." Liz comes up beside him and rubs his back. "He is going to be okay."

Once Trip has control over himself again he refuses to budge from the chair he's on. "I'm not moving going to. I stay here."

Liz stops trying to get him to go to his own biobed and watches as he falls asleep on the chair, head lying on Malcolm's chest as if to listen to his heartbeat and make sure he is alive.

Trip wakes up when he feels someone running their fingers through his hair, sitting up carefully he sees Malcolm smiling at him. "Mal my Mal, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Malcolm says, smiling when Trip snorts with disbelief. "Better than I was at least, has Phlox said how long I will be in here?"

"He says it will be a few days and you had better not try to escape." Trip warns, "If I can stay here for days and days and days so can you."

"I will, I hate lying down and doing nothing though." Malcolm takes Trip's hand in his and raises it to his lips for a kiss.

"Tell me about it!" Trip kisses Malcolm's hand in return, "I met Degra earlier."

"How did that go?"

"I yelled at him, asked him if he watched my sister evaporate, asked him if he watched all those people killed." Trip said with anger, "He's the one that made the weapon that killed Lizzie. I hate him."

"Do you hate me as well?" Malcolm asks.

"Of course not, how could I?" Trip asks, "You are too wonderful to hate."

"I made weapons that killed other peoples sisters." Malcolm reminds him.

"That's different the weapons you make aren't to destroy planets." Trip insists, "You are a good man."

"I'm glad you think so." Malcolm says, "If the weapons I make fell into the wrong hands they could be used to destroy a world."

Trip looks at Malcolm wondering where he's going with this. "What do you mean?"

"Even though Degra knew his weapon could do a lot of damage if used, he is not responsible for it actually having been used. All he knew is what his leaders were telling him, on how the humans were going to destroy them and that they needed to strike at Earth and strike hard if the Xindi were to survive." Malcolm tells him.

"Maybe, but I'm still very angry at him and hate him." Trip insisted, "his weapon took my baby sister away and I am just so very angry at him."

"I know, I would be too if the weapon had killed Maddy." Malcolm reassures him, "What was Lizzie like, you've never told me about her."

"She was beautiful and smart and loving." Trip begins, "very funny and liked to pull tricks on me. She built houses and churches and office buildings. I loved her and promised that I would do all I could to always be there for her. Promised that I would be there to protect her and I wasn't there."

"Trip, she knew you would have been there if you could. I'm sure she was proud of you, glad you were chasing your dream and exploring the universe. I've just been always confused as to why you never honored her memory with a private service and worried that you haven't let yourself mourn."

"I don't want to face the fact that someone so young, with so much promise could just be gone so quickly." Trip says, looking away from Malcolm. "I don't want to have to admit she's gone forever."

"Oh Trip," Malcolm says, drawing the southerner down for a hug. "As long as you remember her, as long as even one of the houses or offices she built stand, she is not completely gone. In order to heal from the pain of her passing you have to let yourself mourn her, admit that she's gone. If you don't let yourself mourn it will make it impossible to remember the good times, all the love you had for each other."

"I'll try Mal," Trip says, "I'll try to let myself know she's gone and try to remember the good times."

"That's all I can ask I'll be here for you Trip."

"You've always been here for me," Trip says, snuggling closer to his Malcolm.


	32. Chapter 32

Phlox enters sickbay to give Malcolm a final checkup before allowing him to leave. Smiling to himself for he intends to discharge Trip too. He's seen how well Trip has adjusted to leaving sickbay for his shifts in Engineering and how he's been able to spend more and more time each day away and knows the commander is now well enough to live with only a little assistance. He's also seen by his readings that the medication he gave Trip to cure the seizures has fully absorbed into Trip's body. He hopes Trip will accept the necessity of coming back fairly often in the beginning so he can monitor him. He is certain he can get Malcolm to help him convince Trip to come in for the checkups.

"Hello you two," Phlox greets them, scanning Malcolm, "hmm..."

"Hmm...what doctor?" Malcolm asks.

"You are well enough to leave sickbay, in fact both of you are. Trip you will have to come in to sickbay every second day for awhile. Just so I can make sure you're doing okay. I will worry about you if you don't show up. After all, you have been here with me for a long time and I think of you as a rather strange son."

"You are a good dad doc, especially to this strange son." Trip laughs, "I really can go back to my home?"

"You really can go back to your quarters." Phlox confirms.

"Let's go Mal my Mal, before he changes his mind." Trip walks toward the door, left hand on the cane, his bag full of possessions over his shoulder.

"Thank you doctor, for everything." Malcolm says, following Trip out the door.

Malcolm helps Trip get settled back into his quarters, showing him the connecting door.

"You aren't sharing my bed? I thought maybe we could touch each other now." Trip says in disappointment.

"Not yet, Phlox and I had a talk awhile ago and agreed I shouldn't touch you before you were ready for the consequences."

"I'm ready to touch." Trip insists.

"I know you want to, but I'm still not sure you are ready to touch and be touched. I'll talk to Phlox in a couple of weeks and see what he thinks. I want you to get used to being out of sickbay again." Malcolm tells him.

Trip sighs with frustration, wondering what it will take to convince Malcolm he's ready. Seeing by the look on Malcolm's face that he won't listen. "Okay, I'll wait a little bit, but I'm not happy about it."

"I know, but at least you are away from Sickbay."

"Yeah, Mal, I'd like to be alone for awhile. See you tomorrow?" He smiles sadly, knowing if Malcolm stays in his quarters with him much longer that he won't be able to stop himself from touching Malcolm.

"Okay, you can come to me for help during the night or call for me if you need me." Malcolm says, "No matter the time, I will be glad to help you with any problem you have."

"Okay, good night." He says and watches Malcolm disappear beyond the connecting door, closing it behind him. "You'll help me with everything but this problem I have." Rubbing his hard cock, glad he's finally alone and doesn't have to worry about any of the medical staff barging in. He takes off his clothes and lies in bed, ruffles in his shoulder bag. Finding his picture of Malcolm in a Starfleet issue swimsuit. He sets it against a book on his bedside table where he can see it from the bed. "Mal my Mal." He whispers and touches his cock, slowly rubbing it. "Eyes like storm clouds, skin so soft and white." Wrapping his hand around his hardness, gripping it firmly as he starts pumping. "Want to touch you, kiss you, stroke your penis." Trip speeds up a bit, "can't wait to touch you, I need to touch you." He closes his eyes and pictures Malcolm next to him in that swimsuit, Mal's hand on him stroking and his thumb rubbing the head slowly and then speeding up just near the tip. He moans and touches his lips with his other hand; he's almost able to capture what it must be like to kiss Malcolm. He pushes his hips up, thrusting into his fist, smiling as he pictures the younger man watching him. "He'd tell me, 'I love you.'" He whispers to himself and comes hard. "Mal my Mal please let me touch you soon."

The next morning after having breakfast with Malcolm, Trip heads to Engineering. Now that he's back home he wants to be able to work all day in Engineering and is determined to approach Lieutenant Hess to see if this is possible. He greets various crewmates as he passes, double checks his appearance before stepping into Hess's office and finds it empty. He pokes his head out the door and sees Michael Rostov; "have you seen Hess this morning?"

"She's halfway into the starboard impulse drive; wanting to get a head start on it. We should get to that subspace corridor that will take us to the Xindi council today and she wants everything running better than specs." Michael sighs.

"That's my girl!" Trip smiles with pride, "doing a fine job as Chief Engineer. I've been wanting to talk to her so I'll see if I can lend her a hand."

"Yes, sir." Michael says, "I know she mentioned how she was looking forward to your getting here today."

Trip makes his way to the starboard impulse drive and sees a pair of feet sticking out, about the right size for Hess. He taps the drive in the, 'hey there, you have company' warning signal he had developed to help make it a little less startling for the one working deep inside electronics when company arrived. Before the signal, he and all the other engineers had bonked their heads every time someone came up to them unexpectedly. After all, they could not see the company approaching from deep inside various bits and pieces of the ship, so anytime someone had come up and just said "hi", well then they were startled. The warning signal had eased that quite a lot though.

Trip watched as the feet wiggled out to reveal knees, then hips, then belly, then a fine set of breasts, and finally Hess's face. "Hey there sweet thing, what's a girl like you doing being swallowed by a nasty impulse drive anyway?"

"Waiting for you," Hess replies with a smile, "we'll be doing quite a bit of work today."

"I know, I'm hoping you'll let me stay all day so I can help. Maybe even have it so I'm supposed to come to Engineering for full days from now on." Trip says a bit nervously.

"I'd love that and we can start today. For my own peace of mind I will ask Doctor Phlox to clear it too. But I personally think you're ready for anything." The young woman smiles.

"I'm glad, how can I help today?"

"I noticed you just automatically fixing wires and connections with Kelly the other day, so I'll have you work on the doodads behind the open panel on the side of this thing. Check all the wires, connections and repair what you can, replace what you can't. Don't turn the power on when you're finished though."

"I won't, wouldn't be a good idea if you went back to being swallowed by this thing, if I turned the power on there, you'd be fried. And I'm sure Chef isn't planning on having Fried Hess to serve for supper later." Trip teases.

"I'm sure he isn't, now get to work, sir."

"I'm a going." Trip replied and went to the panel to start work.

Shortly after they finished fixing the impulse drive they learned that they had just met another NX class ship. Though there was talk at first on how it must be the Columbia that talk had trailed off to stunned surprise at learning it was another Enterprise. One supposedly out of time, the crew onboard descendents of the current crew. Including the captain, Lorien by name, who said he was the biological son of T'Pol and Trip. When Lorien arrived in Engineering, Trip went to him.

"I just don't see how you could be my son; I'm a planning on getting together with Malcolm." Trip informs him.

"After the crew realized that they were unable to get back to the right time they came to a point where they knew that they would have to become a generational ship. Since they wanted to be there to try to help Earth when it came closer to the time of the Xindi attack. Once the crew accepted being a generational ship, Phlox let them know that we needed as much genetic diversity among us as possible. You and Malcolm agreed to both donate your genetic materials to women you respected so they could have your genetic offspring. T'Pol asked you to be the father of her children, Malcolm was approached by a few women too. You decided only to help T'Pol of the ones who approached you. You acted as a father to me; Malcolm was like an uncle."

"Well that sort of makes sense, just as long as I didn't cheat on him." Trip says, "Not that I can see myself doing so or being tempted to. Malcolm's it for me. Did he and I have a long life together?"

"You were together till the day he died and you died within a week after he did. Phlox said it was due to a heart attack, but everyone on the crew at the time kept saying it was a broken heart." Lorien informs him.

"It would have been," Trip insists, "I don't think I could live without him."

They worked together for about an hour, getting to know each other before Lorien leaves Engineering. Though there are whispers that Jon and Lorien are in disagreement over whether entering the corridor is worth the risk, they start making modifications to make the journey possible. Trip doing all he can to help with them is knocked off his feet when the first weapons fire hits Enterprise. He gets up carefully, bracing himself with his right hand against the wall, making his way toward the next thing Hess wanted him to work on. He wonders why he's feeling a bit betrayed at the knowledge that Lorien is firing on the ship. Could it be just that he said he was Trip's son? Or because Trip had come to really like him when they worked together?

Somehow they prevail against the other Enterprise and make their journey through the corridor. Everyone holds their breath, waiting to see where in time they are. Once they confirm it is their own time, they set course for the Xindi council.

Trip is left wondering just what happened to Lorien and the others since they made it through the corridor and stayed in their own time. Since it was going through the corridor that sent Lorien and the other's parents and grandparents back in time; does that mean since the NX Trip was on didn't go back in time that they just disappeared? Did they ever really exist? Do they still exist in some other somewhere? Trip decided to try to stop thinking of them and trying to figure it out. He knows that normal people are just not meant to understand some things, like just why the further up Starfleet Command you went, the stupider you became just could not be understood by normal people.

Thinking of what Lorien said about him and Malcolm, Trip knew he did not want to delay the reality any longer. He wanted Malcolm in his arms, in his bed, as he was already deep in Trip's heart. So he had made arrangements to talk to Phlox and Malcolm in sickbay.


	33. Chapter 33

Trip had had enough of this pussyfooting around, he knew he was ready for the next step. Knew that taking the step could lead to a fall and to a serious amount of bruising. He was willing to risk both the step and the bruising though. He would go up to Malcolm and Phlox, make sure they listened to him, and talk to them until they saw sense. Even if it meant talking till he was blue in the face.

He stomps into sickbay, doing the best stomping he can, wanting to show just how frustrated he was. Seeing the two men waiting in Phlox's office as if they don't have a care in the world, he gets even more riled up. "You two are going to listen to me. I know you two think you're protecting me from hurt with this no kissing crap and the no touching of interesting places shit, but you are hurting me with it! I know there's a risk when you start doing that with someone. That the someone might eventually leave me high and dry and in pieces. I remember what it was like to have my heart torn up when someone dumped me on my ass. I know the guilt that avalanches on you when you do the dumping. So I'm saying; that's it, that's all, that's everything, that is enough!" He says glaring at them.

"You two will start letting me show just what I'm ready for." Trip continues, "Trust that I will say no if a no is needed and let me kiss and touch what I want as long as the who I want wants to be touched. And you will let me do so today, not tomorrow, or the tomorrow after that!"

They look at him blinking in astonishment and Malcolm smiles. "Please do start today."

Trip smiles and goes to him, tips Malcolm's head up with his left hand and kisses him firmly on the lips. Knocking on Mal's lips with his tongue to ask for permission to go inside and soul singing in triumph when Mal lets him inside. "You taste better than honey."

"Thank you, so do you." Malcolm says.

Phlox clears his throat and smiles. "Not that I do not enjoy watching you two, but now that you are ready commander, I'm sure you have better things to do than hang around my office. Just remember, go slowly and enjoy the journey towards more than kissing."

"I'll go as slowly as I need to doc." Trip assures him, "Even if that's faster than you'd think is right. For now I'm taking Malcolm to dinner and the movie, I want to make out with him in the back row."

"That sounds delightful." Malcolm smiles, taking Trip's right hand in his, adjusting Trip's hold slightly. "Shall we go?"

Trip kisses him briefly; unable to prevent himself at being faced with a smiling, mischievous, and formal sounding Malcolm Reed. "Yeah, lets." He replies as they walk out together, hand in hand.


	34. Chapter 34

After eating dinner they help rearrange the furniture in the mess hall to get it ready for movie night. Once all the seats are arranged, Malcolm smiles at Trip. "Shall we sit in front?"

"No, you have to be in the back of the theatre if you want to make out, it's tradition." Trip insists, "didn't you ever make out in the theatre before?"

"No, I always made out behind the gardener's shed at the school I went to." Malcolm smiles, remembering how daring he felt when doing so and how wonderful it was.

"I thought you went to an all boys boarding school back in England."

"I did," Malcolm confirmed and he sees Trip's glare, "none of the boys I made out with then could ever compare to you. You are the best thing to have happened to me."

"You're the best thing to happen to me too Mal. I'll go save the seats; you go get popcorn and beer." Trip goes and picks out the two seats he figures will be within the darkest part of the hall. Smiling as he watches Malcolm weave his way through the growing crowd, stopping to chat to a few people. He knows he's the luckiest man alive right now, the man of his dreams is within his grasp. No matter what, he will treasure that man and make sure he knows just how special he is.

He might wish he was able to do more, able to do the math necessary in a Chief Engineer's job and able to come up with new designs again, but he's also happy with the job he has now. At least he's still able to fix things, able to use his hand to make clear just what his eyes sometimes mix up. To have Malcolm and be able to still be a help on the ship is more than he thought would be possible just a short while ago. So he knows just how lucky he is and how much luckier he hopes to become. Grinning to himself at how he hopes to make love to Malcolm one day, be inside him, showing him with every touch just how loved he is.

"What are you grinning at?" Malcolm asks, sitting beside Trip on his left side.

"Nothing, just planning ahead to the days and days and days to come." Trip takes Malcolm's hand and kisses it. "Now that we're finally taking steps toward becoming lovers, I just can't help but plan for the time when we'll take the final step."

"Me too," Malcolm assures him, smiling with happiness.

As the movie starts and the lights go off, Trip turns to Malcolm meeting him half way for a kiss. As they kiss Trip explores Malcolm's chest with his hand and fingers, feels Malcolm's hands trailing all over him. Trip breaks the kiss to taste Malcolm's skin, making his way down his loves neck and hearing the Englishman's moan. "You like that huh?"

"I do," Malcolm says, "please sir; may I have some more?"

Trip chuckles as he kisses, licks and gently nibbles along Mal's neck, "Yeah, you can have as much more as you want." Breaking occasionally to just gasp and hold each other, they continue to explore each other's mouths, rub at each other through their slacks, making sure to caress as much of the other as they can.

"Let's go home Mal," Trip says, "I know the movie isn't over, but we need to go home."

"Yes we do," Malcolm agrees, helping Trip to stand since he seems unsteady. "Just to kiss and touch each other though. Nothing beyond that, I want to go slow."

Trip groans, "I think you'll want to go slower than I wish you would." Trip complains.

"That I am, I've been hurt badly in the past and though I know you don't intend to hurt me I need to take it slow for me." Malcolm tells him as they walk towards Trip's place.

"Oh, I wish I had known that before, but now that I do, I'll take it as slow as you want." Trip promises, now that he knows Mal is a bit skittish it will be easier to go slow. He'd do anything to make sure he doesn't scare him away. They get to Trip's place and start kissing again, making their way to his bed. Kicking off their shoes and lying next to each other fully clothed. Trip kisses Mal, glad that he's lying on his right side, as that'll make it easier for him to touch Malcolm everywhere. "Can we take off our clothes? Touch skin to skin? Please?"

"I'd like that," Malcolm murmurs, kissing Trip slowly again. They help each other with their shirts, pausing to touch and stroke any revealed skin. They pause for a few minutes when their shirts are off to just enjoy the sight.

Trip wiggles down so he can stroke those pretty nipples Malcolm has. Kissing and licking them, getting them nice and hard and needy. Stroking Malcolm everywhere he can. Loving the taste of him, the slightly salty skin and the just Mal taste. The just Mal taste rapidly becoming his favorite taste of all. After tasting Mal for awhile he helps Malcolm get the rest of his clothing off and is ecstatic when Malcolm is so eager to get his off too. Soon they are skin to skin, nothing between them and they start slowly rubbing against each other.

Trip touches Malcolm's cock and gently strokes it. "May I touch you here?"

"If I can touch you here," Malcolm replies and strokes Trip's hardness.

"Yeah, touch me." He says, unable to say more and knowing he's smiling. They kiss as they stroke each other. Trip being as gentle as he can, trying different touches till he finds those that drive his Mal crazy. Trying to get closer to Mal though they're as close as they can get. Hearing his loves moans and gasps he starts pumping Malcolm's hardness harder and faster and then Trip cries out in joy. Feeling himself come hard and stroking Mal as he starts to come, milking him dry. They hold each other awhile, kissing and cuddling.

"I'll go get us a wet cloth love," Malcolm says once he's recovered a bit; "we need to clean up before we get stuck together."

"Don't mind being stuck to my Mal." Trip protests.

"I know, I don't mind sticking to you either, but it needs to be done." Malcolm gets out of bed, gets a wet cloth and cleans them up. Helping Trip to stand long enough to throw a dry blanket on the bed and then lying down with him. "If this is what making out is like with you, making love is going to be overwhelming."

Trip looks at Mal, hugs him hard with his good arm and kisses him. "We made love." He insists. "As long as you touch me and I touch you with love it's making love."

"So it is, we'd better get some rest as we both work tomorrow." Malcolm says snuggling to Trip.

Trip yawns and holds Malcolm in his arm; glad it can at least do that. "Mal my Mal." He whispers before falling asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

After eating dinner they help rearrange the furniture in the mess hall to get it ready for movie night. Once all the seats are arranged, Malcolm smiles at Trip. "Shall we sit in front?"

"No, you have to be in the back of the theatre if you want to make out, it's tradition." Trip insists, "didn't you ever make out in the theatre before?"

"No, I always made out behind the gardener's shed at the school I went to." Malcolm smiles, remembering how daring he felt when doing so and how wonderful it was.

"I thought you went to an all boys boarding school back in England."

"I did," Malcolm confirmed and he sees Trip's glare, "none of the boys I made out with then could ever compare to you. You are the best thing to have happened to me."

"You're the best thing to happen to me too Mal. I'll go save the seats; you go get popcorn and beer." Trip goes and picks out the two seats he figures will be within the darkest part of the hall. Smiling as he watches Malcolm weave his way through the growing crowd, stopping to chat to a few people. He knows he's the luckiest man alive right now, the man of his dreams is within his grasp. No matter what, he will treasure that man and make sure he knows just how special he is.

He might wish he was able to do more, able to do the math necessary in a Chief Engineer's job and able to come up with new designs again, but he's also happy with the job he has now. At least he's still able to fix things, able to use his hand to make clear just what his eyes sometimes mix up. To have Malcolm and be able to still be a help on the ship is more than he thought would be possible just a short while ago. So he knows just how lucky he is and how much luckier he hopes to become. Grinning to himself at how he hopes to make love to Malcolm one day, be inside him, showing him with every touch just how loved he is.

"What are you grinning at?" Malcolm asks, sitting beside Trip on his left side.

"Nothing, just planning ahead to the days and days and days to come." Trip takes Malcolm's hand and kisses it. "Now that we're finally taking steps toward becoming lovers, I just can't help but plan for the time when we'll take the final step."

"Me too," Malcolm assures him, smiling with happiness.

As the movie starts and the lights go off, Trip turns to Malcolm meeting him half way for a kiss. As they kiss Trip explores Malcolm's chest with his hand and fingers, feels Malcolm's hands trailing all over him. Trip breaks the kiss to taste Malcolm's skin, making his way down his loves neck and hearing the Englishman's moan. "You like that huh?"

"I do," Malcolm says, "please sir; may I have some more?"

Trip chuckles as he kisses, licks and gently nibbles along Mal's neck, "Yeah, you can have as much more as you want." Breaking occasionally to just gasp and hold each other, they continue to explore each other's mouths, rub at each other through their slacks, making sure to caress as much of the other as they can.

"Let's go home Mal," Trip says, "I know the movie isn't over, but we need to go home."

"Yes we do," Malcolm agrees, helping Trip to stand since he seems unsteady. "Just to kiss and touch each other though. Nothing beyond that, I want to go slow."

Trip groans, "I think you'll want to go slower than I wish you would." Trip complains.

"That I am, I've been hurt badly in the past and though I know you don't intend to hurt me I need to take it slow for me." Malcolm tells him as they walk towards Trip's place.

"Oh, I wish I had known that before, but now that I do, I'll take it as slow as you want." Trip promises, now that he knows Mal is a bit skittish it will be easier to go slow. He'd do anything to make sure he doesn't scare him away. They get to Trip's place and start kissing again, making their way to his bed. Kicking off their shoes and lying next to each other fully clothed. Trip kisses Mal, glad that he's lying on his right side, as that'll make it easier for him to touch Malcolm everywhere. "Can we take off our clothes? Touch skin to skin? Please?"

"I'd like that," Malcolm murmurs, kissing Trip slowly again. They help each other with their shirts, pausing to touch and stroke any revealed skin. They pause for a few minutes when their shirts are off to just enjoy the sight.

Trip wiggles down so he can stroke those pretty nipples Malcolm has. Kissing and licking them, getting them nice and hard and needy. Stroking Malcolm everywhere he can. Loving the taste of him, the slightly salty skin and the just Mal taste. The just Mal taste rapidly becoming his favorite taste of all. After tasting Mal for awhile he helps Malcolm get the rest of his clothing off and is ecstatic when Malcolm is so eager to get his off too. Soon they are skin to skin, nothing between them and they start slowly rubbing against each other.

Trip touches Malcolm's cock and gently strokes it. "May I touch you here?"

"If I can touch you here," Malcolm replies and strokes Trip's hardness.

"Yeah, touch me." He says, unable to say more and knowing he's smiling. They kiss as they stroke each other. Trip being as gentle as he can, trying different touches till he finds those that drive his Mal crazy. Trying to get closer to Mal though they're as close as they can get. Hearing his loves moans and gasps he starts pumping Malcolm's hardness harder and faster and then Trip cries out in joy. Feeling himself come hard and stroking Mal as he starts to come, milking him dry. They hold each other awhile, kissing and cuddling.

"I'll go get us a wet cloth love," Malcolm says once he's recovered a bit; "we need to clean up before we get stuck together."

"Don't mind being stuck to my Mal." Trip protests.

"I know, I don't mind sticking to you either, but it needs to be done." Malcolm gets out of bed, gets a wet cloth and cleans them up. Helping Trip to stand long enough to throw a dry blanket on the bed and then lying down with him. "If this is what making out is like with you, making love is going to be overwhelming."

Trip looks at Mal, hugs him hard with his good arm and kisses him. "We made love." He insists. "As long as you touch me and I touch you with love it's making love."

"So it is, we'd better get some rest as we both work tomorrow." Malcolm says snuggling to Trip.

Trip yawns and holds Malcolm in his arm; glad it can at least do that. "Mal my Mal." He whispers before falling asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

The next day they are much closer to where the Xindi council meets, Trip isn't sure why Jon is insisting so much on trying to talk to them on trying to get them to stop their launch of the weapon. Having a hard time accepting that negotiating a treaty with them might be better than wiping them off of the face of the galaxy. Only coming to a reluctant understanding when he wonders if there are any Xindi who have a sister named Lizzie.

He is still swamped with anger toward the Xindi for what they took away from him though and doesn't know if he'll ever be able to let that anger go. It's become a friend to him, a constant companion and he's almost afraid to let it go. It has comforted him and kept him going when nothing else has and to let it go might leave him empty, without purpose.

He knows that they would not have reached the planet, would not have a chance to try to reason with the other Xindi without Degra's help and that makes him uncomfortable. To be indebted to one of the people behind the weapon, the one to figure out how to make it work before it went to wipe out Lizzie torments him.

After hearing that when Enterprise actually gets there he hears that Jon intends to go down there to try to talk some sense into the Xindi bureaucracy and has taken Hoshi along to translate. "I wish him luck," Trip says, "I just don't see how he thinks this will work and I sure as hell hopes he doesn't mention gazelles."

Crewman Kelly giggles, "I can just see him doing that sir and then trying to explain what gazelles are. The Xindi might think we share a planet with sentient gazelles and the gazelles are actually the ones trying to kill them all. It'd create a huge mess."

"Yeah, it would!" Trip smiles and they get to work. Trip feels vaguely guilty that the rest of the engineers are working double shifts to keep things going, staying as long as he can after his single shift to help. Being chased out of engineering by Hess, literally when she sees him tiring and wishes he could be normal. If he was like everyone else he'd be a real help, now he's not doing as much as others are and he worries if he's as much a burden as a help.

He meets up with Phlox in a corridor, "Hey there doc."

"Hello commander, how are things going in Engineering?" He asks Trip, noting that the man seems to be disappointed.

"Engineering is running double shifts since the captain's in a hell of a rush to get to this damn Council."

"He believes he can get the Xindi to reconsider their attack on Earth. We owe him a little faith." Phlox points out. "Oh I have faith in the Captain, but not in the people he's trying to convince." Trip replies, looking at the Denobulan with challenge.

"Degra seems to be a reasonable man." The doctor reminds Trip.

"Reasonable? I don't think many people back in my hometown would go along with that." Trip growls and steps away from the doctor. "It doesn't matter what we think anyway, the captain won't listen to us. He's so intent on getting there and talking to them he wouldn't take the time to hear objections."

"That is likely true," Phlox agrees, "are you taking a break before going back to Engineering."

"Hess kicked me out, says I was beginning to look really tired and seeming to have problems telling a burnt circuit from a good one. Says I'm not allowed back until tomorrow. I just wish I could do more for the ship. Not be such a burden."

"You are not a burden; you have been a great help." The doctor does all he can to make sure Trip pays attention. "If you just are not able to help right now in Engineering, you can help me in sickbay with getting all the instruments sorted and in their proper places. Or you could help Chef, I know he mentioned needing someone to deliver food trays to people who haven't been taking the time to eat."

"Let me guess, Mal's one of those forgetting to eat." Trip sighs.

"Not to my knowledge, but knowing the Lieutenant as we do it is a safe bet. So will you help me or would you prefer to help Chef?"

"I'll go help Chef, pushing a food cart around the ship to everyone will at least give me the chance to check up on everyone." Trip answers, "thanks Doc, I'll see you later." He sees Phlox smile at him and continue toward sickbay. Trip heads to the mess hall and readies himself to face the second most dangerous man on ship, Chef. Only Malcolm is more dangerous than Chef is reputed to be.

He enters the kitchen, sees Chef holding one of his bad ass cutting knives and gulps. "I hear you need someone to deliver food to the crew, I'd like to do that if that's okay."

Chef growls at him, points to a cart with a knife, "take it. Go, see if I care. Take food to those who don't appreciate it enough to come down here and savor it. Take food to those thankless people who never think of how hard it is to prepare. They never think of how much work goes into the meal, how hard I slave over the stove. Never seem to think of how much planning it takes to make sure there is enough variety that they don't complain. And then they dare to tell me that my marvelous creation, the dish I've been working on all day, getting it just right needs ketchup! How dare they!" Chef yells, chopping a carrot quickly. "So take the cart and go before I chase you out."

Trip takes the cart and pushes it out, noticing the PADD with the list of which tray is for whom. Noting that each tray has a little something extra on it like pineapple chunks for Malcolm, seeing these little touches reminds him of how easily they take Chef and his people for granted. As he walks down the hall, he peeks into an access shaft and smiles at Foster, "You really shouldn't tell him to add ketchup to the whole thing. If you want ketchup in it you should just use what's on the table." Earning himself a glare from the shaking man, he smiles as he continues on his way. Once he's delivered all but Malcolm's tray, he seeks Malcolm out. Finding his Mal deep in his lair, half hidden by the canon he's working on.

Trip sets the tray down near Malcolm. "Thank you Steward, I'll eat it when I'm done with this." He hears Malcolm say and smiles; "I'm not a steward, but your welcome." He's rewarded with seeing Malcolm crawl out and look at him in surprise.

"Why are you delivering the food trays? Not that I object to seeing you, I'm just surprised." Malcolm exclaims.

"Chef and the Stewards work hard every day to make us food," Trip tells him. "When I entered the kitchen to offer to help, seeing as Hess chased me out of Engineering for working too hard, Chef was alone. Either all the Stewards are working hard somewhere else or Chef killed them all with that bad ass knife of his and is currently chopping them up for a meal or two."

"I hope he hasn't killed them, it's just so hard to find new people willing to work as his Stewards when that happens." Malcolm says with a straight face.

Trip snorts, "I'm sure he hasn't and I don't think he ever has."

"I'm pretty sure he hasn't." Malcolm agrees, "but you never know with him. He's the most dangerous man on the ship." Sitting cross- legged as he eats, smiling up at Trip.

"No he isn't, you are, and I'm mighty proud of you." Trip grins, "you finish everything on that plate before going back to work. I'd better get the cart back to Chef before he comes looking for me."

"Yes dear," Malcolm smiles sweetly, "I'll see you later."

Trip waves and pushes the cart back toward the kitchen. Peeking around the door to make sure its safe before maneuvering the cart back into its place.


	37. Chapter 37

Just before getting to the planet Trip and Degra meet again. Trip barely able to stop himself from taking a swing, just on principle. Throughout the day as Degra tries to talk to him he finds it hard not to just tell him to leave him the hell alone. Finally having enough, he confronts the man. "Do me a favor and stop trying to get on my good side."

"I understand that you and I will always be enemies." Degra concedes.

"You got that right." Trip agrees.

"I can't change what happened to your sister or any of the seven million, but I'm risking my life. I'm risking the lives of my family. I've killed members of my own species all because I'm trying to save both our worlds." Degra's voice is full of regret.

"Is that supposed to make it all better?" Trip asks.

"No, I just hope I can make it so there is no more killing." The Xindi says before leaving him alone.

Trip just hopes that he and Jon are somehow able to stop the killing. Trip goes to the shuttle bay to watch Jon and Hoshi take off for the planet. Hoping Jon knows what he's doing and hoping it will actually work. Then he watches as T'Pol, Malcolm and Corporal Hawkins head out to gather data from inside one of the spheres.

He goes back to Engineering to work, but finds it hard to concentrate. Worried sick over Malcolm, knowing what he's doing is dangerous. Wondering how Jon and Hoshi are and whether they are in danger.

"You okay?" Crewman Kelly asks. "Just worried over all my friends." Trip says, then asks, "how does it make sense for the three highest people in rank to be off ship all at the same time."

"I've always wondered that, even when it was when you were one of those off the ship." Kelly smiles.

"Oh, yeah." Trip says, "I never thought of that when I was one of the ones off of the ship. Maybe the ones who go need to think of it."

"Maybe they do." She agrees, "will you help me get some things from storage? Hess has given me a huge list of things we need and I could use a hand."

"Well I do have one really good hand to give you and a not so good hand willing to do what it can." Trip smiles and goes with Kelly.

It seems like forever before Jon gets back onto the ship and lets them know he succeeded. Having somehow been able to get the Xindi council to delay the weapon's launch and to at least consider that the sphere builders are trying to manipulate Earth and the Xindi into warfare for reasons of their own. Convincing them to at least ask whether the sphere builders might not have the best interests of the Xindi in mind.

Then Trip hears that someone died within the sphere, there one moment and then killed the next by one of its automatic defenses. He stands still; not able to move or think and is about to fall apart when he hears Malcolm is safe. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, sighing with relief and thankful Malcolm is safe. When he hears that it is the MACO who died, he resolves to go to Sam and let her know he's there for her.

Between the relief he feels at having Jon, Malcolm, T'Pol and Hoshi home safe; his regret at Hawkins dying; and hearing that the Council has agreed to delay their attack he just does not know how to react to hearing of Degra's death. Or, for that matter, if he needs to react to it. Since he's so confused over how he's feeling about the "cease-fire" he goes to Doctor Phlox. Knowing that his friend will be able to help him figure it out.

He finds the good doctor in the mess hall and sits with him. "Well, the Captain pulled it off. The Xindi postponed the weapon launch."

Phlox looks at him; "you make that sound like...bad news."

"Ever since the attack on Earth, all I've thought about is getting back at whoever was responsible." Trip explains, "well that and getting better, and of Malcolm. But also consumed by wanting to get whoever was responsible for killing Lizzie."

"And now we are making peace with them." Phlox states as he sips his tea.

"I've gotten used to the anger. It's gonna be like, I dunno, losing an old friend." Trip tells him.

"You have other friends," Phlox reminds him.

"Yeah, one of them sitting with me right now." Trip smiles, "I just hope the cease-fire works as well as we hope. The reptiles aren't all that happy with it and I don't trust the insects. Maybe its because they just seem so creepy crawly to me."

"Maybe, but we have to trust that this will work out. Hope that we are able to work together. It is better than killing each other." Phlox says wearily, "we've had 23 crewmembers die, 23 crewmembers that I've had to do final autopsies on, if the body was available, and sign the death certificate for. That has been 23 too many."

Trip touches Phlox's hand briefly, "I know. I hope we can keep it at 23, there's definitely been more than enough death."


	38. Chapter 38

Trip muses over how a few short days can change everything. How the crew went from hope that a peace treaty would be signed and the weapon never armed to despair. They have learned that the Reptilians and Insectoids have stolen the weapon and are taking it to Earth, working on getting it armed and ready to use once they get there. Trip worries over what they are doing with Hoshi, wonders at how easily they took her from them. He also wonders if the Reptilians always had a functioning transporter and just preferred to dock with ships so they can fight hand to hand rather than steal people away or beam onto the ship with their warriors.

He can only hope that Hoshi is okay, he knows that they are readying for a rescue operation. Planning as best as they can for a small, armed team to go in and get her back. Though he worries that Malcolm will be sent, he also hopes that he will. Trusting Malcolm more than anyone else to be able to get Hoshi back in one piece and get himself back too.

Trip hears how Jon is trying to make a deal with several Xindi factions in order to obtain help in stopping the weapon. He hopes Jon is able to pull off another miracle. He works on a plasma relay, just across from Rostov. Hess runs up to them, "It's Hayes that's being sent to rescue Hoshi, with McKenzie, Romero and Fisher. Malcolm was asked to stay behind and man his bridge station."

Trip relaxes a little, glad to know that Malcolm is relatively safe but worried for his friend Sam. "I hope they are able to get Hoshi and bring her back safely."

Trip focuses on his work, knowing he needs to pay attention only to it. Finally able to get the relay to work properly he lends Rostov a hand. Once they are finished they go to Engineering proper and help out there.

Crewman Kelly has an earpiece and is listening to the COMM chatter, keeping them updated as much as she can on what is happening. "They've found Hoshi; they can't beam her back from where she is something about interference. She's in rough shape. They're making their way back to their beam in point."

Over the next few minutes the Engineers keep working, trying to give the transporter just a bit more power. Doing all they can to help from there. "They're under fire. We can punch through a transporter to where they are. Hoshi's beaming back with Mac. We've got her safe. We're trying for one now, another MACO's been hurt and Hayes wants him and Fisher to beam back together. Phlox has assured him he's right there and that he should beam back the MACO alone. He has, the two are still under fire, back to back. We're resetting the transporter, we have a lock and we have them back. Hayes was shot at as he was beamed up though. He was hit in the shoulder as he was crouching. Says that if he were standing the shooter would have gotten him in the lung. Phlox says he thinks everyone is going to be okay."

Everyone in Engineering cheers and then focuses on giving the bridge the engine power needed to get away from the enemy. Trip asks, "why didn't we beam in a few torpedoes set to go off? We could have at least tried that in the hopes the weapon would blow into pieces too."

The rest of the people in Engineering stop and stare at him. "Why didn't we think of that?" They COMM the bridge with the suggestion, but it is too late. The Xindi who have the weapon have escaped into the corridor. "Damn, I wish we had thought of that while we still had a chance." Hess says, "next time we catch up to it, we'll get it. Trip; if you ever have another idea like that just tell us right when it comes to you."

"I will and I did." Trip says, "It just never occurred to me until we had everyone safely back. I wish I had thought of it sooner."

"We all wish we had thought of it sooner, there's nothing we can do about it now. We'll just have to hope we can catch up to the weapon before the Xindi get to Earth."

When he gets home that night and sees Malcolm sitting at the desk he's overcome with joy. Trip goes to him and holds him close.

"What's wrong, love?" Malcolm asks, concerned. Caressing Trip's back as he holds him close.

"Nothing is wrong, just so glad you're safe and with me I had to hug you." Trip replies.

Malcolm smiles and maneuvers them to the bed, "Well I'm glad you are safe and with me too. Shall we just cuddle for awhile?"

"Yeah, want to just sit here kissing and holding you." Trip sighs happily. "I love you Mal my Mal."

"I love you too." Malcolm says.


	39. Chapter 39

The next day Trip wonders how it is he hasn't exploded with worry. Jon, Mal, Hoshi and three of the MACO's go onto the sphere. Having heard from T'Pol that Jon believes Hoshi is needed to help them when they get to the weapon's most vulnerable spot. That her translating of the words on the control and of the Xindi data they've gathered is, in Jon's opinion vital to be able to succeed.

They aren't even able to stick around the weapon and be close by if needed. As Jon has promised the Xindi that the Enterprise will help them with the sphere builders and do what it can to destroy the network. Leaving Jon and the others behind as they go to destroy the sphere network. As they get further and further away from Malcolm, Trip's chest feels tighter and tighter. He reminds himself that his help is needed if they are to succeed and that the faster they succeed in dealing with the sphere builders, the faster he'll get back to Malcolm.

So he goes to Engineering and does what he can to help the engine run as fast and as long as it can. Working with Kelly for awhile and then Rostov and then alone on one junction. Not even realizing till later that it is the first time he's been assigned to work alone on a junction. He supposes he should be glad that he's reached the point he can work alone, but he is too worried to let himself feel glad. He is thankful that they hear snatches of how the quest to destroy the spheres is going. That the bridge is keeping them up to date with what is going on.

"T'Pol to Engineering, we have succeeded and will be heading back to the weapon with the help of the Xindi. They believe we should get back in enough time to watch the destruction of the weapon." He hears T'Pol inform him and breathes a sigh of relief. Knowing he won't fully relax until he has Malcolm in his arms again.


	40. Chapter 40

Meanwhile Jon and the others make their way through the interior of the weapon. Having learned that Hoshi was once taken to the main controls, Jon drives her to read the blueprints and try to remember how to get to its most vulnerable part. Once they get there he asks her to find the section in the information that will allow them to cause an overload. "Come on Hoshi, concentrate. We need you to translate that information, you can do it."

"It's too hard; it's too much." Hoshi whines, her whole body aching, her mind feeling like mush.

"Come on, I know you can do it. Just concentrate, it's the one way you can pay back your captors for what they did to you."

Malcolm tries to get Jon to ease up on Hoshi a little and is reprimanded for doing so. He wishes he could find some way to help Jon when he sees him virtually vibrating with adrenaline. They come under fire, Malcolm and the MACO's doing what they can to pick off the attackers and keep their charges safe. Malcolm easing his way aside so as to go on the offensive, meeting up with a Reptilian, they fight until Malcolm is able to send him to his death.

Malcolm works his way back to Jon, nodding at the MACO's who have come back as well.

Jon makes one last adjustment. "It's set, all I have to do is lay down the charge. You get Hoshi to safety. I'll join you when I can."

"I should be the one to lay the charge. You need to get out of here Jon, you are the one Daniels has said is so important in making sure that Earth joins a federation of cooperative species."

"Yes, but you are the one that is most important to Trip and his future. I will do all I can to keep safe. I want you to take Hoshi and go that's an order. Trip's future depends on it and I could not live with it if I didn't try to make sure you got home safe." Jon tells him, "Go!"

"Yes sir," Malcolm replies, reluctantly accepting the order and going. Helping Hoshi get to the beam out point, the six of them being transported off the weapon. They are taken to the bridge of the Xindi ship they were transported to and wait anxiously. The Xindi track the captain's progress through the ship, unable to beam him off of the weapon due to interference, and start a countdown to the weapon's destruction. They hear that Jon is getting closer and closer to the beam out point and how his progress suddenly stops. They watch in horror as the weapon explodes, knowing that Jon is on it.

Malcolm kicks himself for not insisting that Jon go, that his friend take Hoshi back. He is supposed to keep his captain safe and make sure he gets back to the ship. Now his friend is dead and he will have to be the one to inform T'Pol and Trip of their loss.

An hour after the weapon explodes and Earth is safe again the Enterprise arrives. They step onto the ship and T'Pol asks, "where is the captain."

"He didn't make it back." Malcolm informs her and Trip, "He's dead."

Trip takes a step toward Malcolm and hugs him, holding on tight. "I know you did all you could. It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is, I should have been able to get him to see reason and head back to the beam out point as I took care of destroying the weapon." Malcolm insists.

"It is not your fault Jonny didn't see reason, Mal please, please hear me." Trip pleads.

"I hear you, Trip, let's go home. I think we both need to be held for awhile." Malcolm says, though he would prefer to be alone, so he can try to come to accept the captain's death he knows that Trip needs him right now. Trip needs him to be there as his long time friend; the man like a brother to him has died. Trip needs him and at the moment it is the only thing that helps Malcolm to stop any tears from falling. The fact that Trip needs him helps him stay in control.

"I will inform the crew and have Ensign Mayweather set a course for Earth. As soon as you two are able, I would like it if you reported to the bridge. We need to have a staff meeting as soon as possible in order to be ready to speak with command as soon as possible."

"Yes ma'am, we'll be there soon." Trip says.

They make their way to their quarters, Ethan's old quarters now adapted as a work area where Malcolm and Trip work on projects together. Ethan's old bed joined onto Trip's, a new mattress on it. They go to their bed and lie together, just holding each other. Trying to accept their friend's death.

"He just seemed like one of those people who'd live forever." Trip murmurs, "So strong and tall and forceful that nothing could kill him."

"I know," Malcolm says, "he is...was such a good friend. I never expected that he and I would become friends and yet...we did."

"Yeah, you did." Trip smiles, "he was always glad you did. He had tried for years to get through to you, to get you to relax and be a friend. He was so happy you did. Telling me of how you'd talk of books and history and other things. I don't know how the ship will go on now."

"You and I will help T'Pol with that, she's going to need all the help she can get." Malcolm informs him.

"We need to go to the bridge and help T'Pol now." Trip sighs reluctantly.

"Yes, we do. We'll hold each other again soon; we'll have to wait till later to mourn Jon properly." They stand and tidy themselves up a bit before heading for the bridge together. Malcolm wondering when exactly he stopped noticing Trip using the cane in order to walk and deciding that since its just part of life now that its become as common place as seeing Chef with a knife in his hand.


	41. Chapter 41

It takes about two days to reach Earth, Trip and Malcolm have helped as much as they could in helping the crew with their grief. Helping T'Pol with what she needs to do to finish all the reports they'll need to give to Starfleet command. They reach Earth and it's a wonderful sight, so beautiful to their eyes. Malcolm wonders why Travis has been so tense, calling up scans of the stars so often and nervously tapping the helm at times. He shrugs it off as nervous energy, as Travis not quite able to accept Jon's death yet. Knowing Travis looks up to Jon, seeing the captain as almost a second father and that doing so might explain his distraction.

Once they reach Earth, T'Pol has Hoshi try to hail Starfleet Command. Trip is on the bridge, having asked if he could be there when they got a close up look at Earth. Wanting to see with his own eyes that it's still there. Though they try to reach Earth several times, Hoshi is unable to raise Starfleet Command and is unable to locate any of the COMM traffic that normally fills the area.

They are also unable to locate McKinley station or any of the civilian space stations. Having no explanation for this and needing answers T'Pol turns to Travis. "I want you to take a shuttle down; I'll have Lieutenant Hess join you. I want the two of you to head toward Starfleet command and see if you can find out what has happened. Use all due caution and abandon the attempt should you be endangered. Keep a COMM open to the ship so we can hear what is going on."

"Understood captain," Travis says and heads off of the bridge.

Trip watches him go and hopes he and Hess will be okay. They watch the shuttle pod break off and head for the surface. At first everything seems to be going the way it should, no turbulence, but then the shuttle detect two ships heading to intercept them.

"They look like planes and their shooting bullets at us, attempting to get around them and take a closer scan." Travis tells them, they detect how Travis tries to maneuver past them, get them off of the shuttle's path. "It's no use, damn, one of the stabilizers just went out. We're headed back up to the ship.

Once they get there, they start analyzing all the data Travis has collected. After Travis and Hess are back on board, they go to the briefing area and the rest of the command staff follows. Trip joining them in habit and when he turns to leave, T'Pol speaks. "Please stay commander, we can use as many ideas as we can come up with and you have always had a quite unique way of looking at things."

Trip nods and stays, determined to help if he can. Listening as Travis and Hess make their report, about what the planes looked like and how their being here made no sense at all. "Their fighter planes from World War two, P-51 D mustangs according to the historical records." Travis says.

"The P-51 D was used mostly before the middle of 1944, though used by American's as bomber escorts in both theatres of the war, they were never used for frontline defense." Malcolm says, "They were considered too valuable."

Hoshi speaks up; "I've also picked up some old style radio signals, including this one."

She plays it and they hear a British voice speaking of how the German Reich should be supported and that Great Britain must support her in her efforts against the United States.

"That's Winston Churchill," Malcolm says with a touch of awe. "Considered one of the best leaders of his time. He never said anything like that though, never supported the German Reich."

T'Pol sighs, "So we are somehow in Earth's past, but a past that seems to be changed from the one the Earth database has recorded."

"Phlox to the bridge, Daniels just walked into my sickbay. He's, well, almost dead, he says he needs to speak to the captain. I'd like you to come down T'Pol."

"On my way doctor," T'Pol says, "I will see if Daniels can explain what is going on as the captain says he has something to do with the Temporal cold war and time travel. I want the rest of you to keep gathering information on what is happening on Earth. It may help us determine if we are in the past."

Malcolm shakes his head as T'Pol leaves, "we're in a past, but this past isn't right."

"Maybe not Mal, but we need to figure out just how this past is different." Trip says and starts listening to the radio.

With the information Phlox and T'Pol collect they learn that they are indeed in a version of Earth's past. That a faction in the Temporal cold war has manipulated the time line so badly that its changed everything, that the change has led to Starfleet Command never existing and the Temporal agency that Daniels' works for disappearing. That somehow Enterprise was protected from this change.

T'Pol returns from speaking with the doctor and is about to brief the rest of the bridge crew with what she's learned when Hess reports to the bridge, "I was just attacked by Silik, he's stolen the working shuttle pod."

"Set a pursuit course, Lieutenant shoot that shuttle pod down. We can not allow Silik to escape." T'Pol orders. Unfortunately they are unable to catch up to it enough time and Silik manages to land on Earth and disappear.

After taking a moment to wonder why things never go smoothly, T'Pol tells them what Daniels said. 'He told Phlox and I, "You must destroy the trans-dimensional corridor that they are trying to build, if they succeed all is lost. If you destroy it, there's hope that the others working to restore the timeline to where it was will succeed. You must destroy it." That is basically all the information he was able to pass on before he died. He also seemed convinced that the captain is still alive, that he must be alive. However, Phlox and I believe that is due mostly to how Daniels seems convinced that Captain Archer is somehow vital in bringing about the existence of something he calls the Federation."

T'Pol turns to Malcolm, "we need to do something about the shuttle Silik stole, we can not risk its discovery. I want you and Travis to beam down, if you can repair it and bring it back do so. If you can not repair it, you must destroy it."

"Understood," Malcolm says, "let's go Travis." He turns to Trip, "I promise to do all I can to come home in one piece."

"You'd better; I like all of your pieces." Trip says and watches him leave. Since Jon still being alive and somehow back in time like they are is so far fetched, Trip can not bring himself to hope that he is. He also knows that any time Malcolm goes off he might not come back and is torn apart by that knowledge.

Malcolm and Travis keep them updated on their effort to recover the shuttle pod, reporting how the army patrols seem to be closing in on them. They set the shuttle pod's engines to overload, so that the patrols can not use it or any of its technology. They start running to the area where they can beam back but all contact with them is loss just after Malcolm manages to tell Enterprise of their capture.

Trip has to sit on the nearest chair; unable to handle the thought of his Malcolm captured by the Germans who are somehow in control of parts of the Eastern U.S. He hopes with all his heart that the Germans won't kill them, that Malcolm and Travis will find a way to escape. Remind himself that if anyone can escape, its Mal. After getting control over himself and going to assist the tactical officer in Mal's place with a power distribution problem, the COMM emits a burst of static.

"I'm picking up a signal from the surface directed at us, "Ar...to...prise...come in." They hear and everyone looks at Hoshi. "Attempting to hone in on the frequency," she says, working her controls frantically.

"Archer to Enterprise, two to beam up." Jon's voice fills the bridge and Trip notices how the light seems to get just a bit brighter.

The tactical officer works frantically, "Got him, he's on board. The security personnel on duty in the transporter room reports that he seems to have a minor injury and will come to the bridge once he gets our guest settled. The other person is a black woman, Alicia, and is from this time period."

Trip goes to his old station on the bridge and brings up the report from Engineering, just for something to do while waiting. The turbolift doors finally open and the captain walks onto the bridge. Trip stands and heads toward him, smiling as Hoshi launches herself at him and hugs him as soon as the communications officer lets go, he gives Jon a hug. "Don't you ever do that to me again!"

"I'll try not to, where's Malcolm and Travis?" He asks, looking to T'Pol who seems as if she is either on the verge of crying or about to step toward him for a hug.

"On the surface, Germans have captured them." She answers, hardly daring to believe her eyes.

"We'll get them back, now, Sub-commander give me a briefing on all you've learned." Jon orders. He sees her collect herself, gets herself under control. Trip steps away from him, thus making it possible for Jon to go to his chair and sit. Glad to be back home and back in it, a bit amused to be doing so while in jeans. He listens carefully as T'Pol gives him a detailed report on what they've learned.

"So we need to find this machine their building and destroy that. Hope that doing so somehow makes everything else go back to the way it should be. Makes almost as much sense as having the Germans in New York City." Jon sums up. "Trip, Fisher, I want you two to work together on scanning the planet, a machine that does that has got to emit a powerful signal. Find it. T'Pol go to your station and see if you can work out where Travis and Malcolm were taken. Maybe by finding that doohickey that the space station left in Travis when it kidnapped him."

Jon presses the button that will let him make a general announcement, "This is the captain speaking, the bridge crew and I are working on a way to get us back into the right time. I want all of you to give them your full support. I will do all I can to get you home."

Trip grins, almost willing to swear he heard the cheers go up at the crew hearing the captain's voice. He and Fisher do all they can to narrow down the search area, finally finding a heavily fortified area that has something using a whole lot of power.

"Captain, we're being contacted from the surface." Hoshi says.

"On screen," He comes face to face with the leader of Vosk, trading insults with him. Vosk insisting on getting the hostages Jon took with him back. Jon negotiates with him, agreeing to give them the captured aliens in exchange for Malcolm and Travis. Once the exchange is agreed to, Jon and Trip go to the transporter room to greet them.

As the transporter beam fades and Travis is helped off of it by a medic, Malcolm morphs and changes in front of their eyes. "Silik?" Trip says in shock, stumbling backwards and falling to the ground. "Where Mal?"

"Yes, just where is Lieutenant Reed, Silik?" Jon asks.

"Still in the closet I put him in I would imagine." Silik replies.

"You'd better explain yourself Silik." Jon says, "why did you take his place?"

"I need your help to stop the aliens," Silik tells them, "the only way I had of getting back to your ship is by taking the place of one of your men. I can show you how to get in the compound and where the device is. We can't let them activate it."

"So it would destroy the Suliban plans huh?" Jon says, seeing the Major enter, "Major Hayes, take Silik down to sickbay and tell Phlox to find a way to help him blend in down on Earth. Trip, come with me, we'll talk to Travis and see what he knows about Malcolm and the compound."

"Want Malcolm back," Trip whispers.

"I do too and we will get him back." Jon promises.

Once they analyze the information Silik provided they planned their attack. Which boiled down to getting into the compound, finding Malcolm, setting the machine into overload and getting the hell out.

"You'll be sending Hayes and the MACO's down, right?" Trip asks.

"I will be going myself with Hayes and several MACO's" Jon replies.

"Jon!" Trip reprimands him.

"It's something I need to do myself Trip; we'll need Alicia's help and that of her friends. They know the area better than we do and can help us figure out the best way to get in." Jon says, "I know you don't like the idea, but in my opinion its necessary. I will come back."

"You had better." Trip threatens, knowing he won't be able to stop Jon from going.


	42. Chapter 42

Jon beams down with Alicia and Silik, marveling over how different he looks disguised as a human. Astounded in a way by how he thinks the change is Silik surprises him more than seeing how different Malcolm looked disguised as a Suliban.

They meet with Alicia's friends and it is only by some fancy talking that Jon is able to convince them to help them with their attack on the bunker housing the machine the aliens are trying to build so they can access trans-dimensional space. They make their assault on the fortress like place and come under heavy fire. Jon and Silik making their way towards the door where the scans have indicated leads to the inner sanctum. Silik contorts himself into a thin line and slips through the lock, opening the door for Jon. They make their way inside and meet up with a German, they fight him together and Jon takes his weapon.

"You could give me the second gun." Silik says.

"No, I can't trust you with it." Jon says, ducking as they are fired on. The captain shoots back and has to duck again as more people join their attacker.

"If you give me the weapon, we'll be more evenly matched with our attackers." Silik points out.

"I won't be giving you any weapons;" he insists and keeps shooting toward the attackers. After a few more seconds, Jon turns his head to check on Silik and does not see him anywhere. "Silik! Silik!" He hisses, "damn that man." The weapons fire ceases and he hears a thump and some cursing.

He looks toward it and sees Silik in hand to hand combat with the attackers, Silik takes one of their weapons and kills his attacker at blank point range. "We have to get out of here!" He says as he stuns the other. They are about to leave when someone comes into the area and shoots Silik with a weapon, vaporizing him. Jon shoots the attacker, sees him fall, he stands and carefully edges around the corner coming face to face with Malcolm. "Malcolm! It's so good to see you. I'm so glad you're okay." He takes a step towards him and Malcolm aims his gun at Jonathan.

"You might as well let go of your disguise Silik I saw how you morphed into me and I know that you can not be Jonathan Archer, Jon is dead." Malcolm says.

"I am not dead and I am not Silik. And I'd rather not have one of my best friends shoot me. Please put the gun down Malcolm." Jon says, "I'd hate for you to explain to Trip how 'Mal my Mal' came to shoot me."

"Jon?" Malcolm says, with joy. "You're alive!"

"Only as long as you don't pull the trigger." Jon points out and smiles as Malcolm lowers his weapon. He goes to his Armory Officer and gives him a hug. "Now, we need to find whatever it is that these aliens are building and destroy it."

"The aliens showed it to Travis and I, it's this way." Malcolm leads the way, "How in the world did you get thrown back in time? Or out of the weapon?"

"I really couldn't tell you, as I'm not sure how it happened." Jon says, "I'm just glad to be alive."

Malcolm smiles, "I'm glad you're alive too."

After winding their way through the compound, they finally find the machine and work together to make it overload and explode. Jon contacts Alicia's friends and tells them to evacuate the area, as everything is about to go up in flames. Once they hear that the group will retreat, they run as fast as they can to a point where they can beam up, dodging aliens as they go, finally getting to a clear area. They contact the ship and are beamed on board just as the compound explodes.

They go to the bridge together, smiling in triumph. As they walk onto the bridge Jon finds himself elsewhere. Where images of historical events flow by him quickly as if eddies in a stream. Round threads stretch out before him, Lincoln, Roosevelt and others disappearing towards the left and Jon watches as they go.

"That's the timeline being restored back to normal." Daniels tells him.

"I thought you died." Jon says.

"In the altered timeline yes, in this one I didn't." Daniels tells him, "you did it Jonathan."

"Will you leave the ship alone now? I want no more part of this ridiculous Temporal Cold War of yours!"

"The Temporal Cold War has drawn to a close; those that were attempting to tamper with time have now been stopped. This should be the last you see of me, but I can not promise anything Captain." Daniels says and Jon finds himself sitting on the captain's chair, Enterprise gliding towards Earth. The screen shows a convoy of Starfleet and civilian ships coming towards them.

"Starfleet Command wishes to welcome us home and to take advantage of the escort." Hoshi reports, "Admiral Forrest will speak to us as soon as we're in orbit. We're home!"


	43. Chapter 43

Jonathan and the crew are greeted with parades in their honor, news broadcasts that summarize their mission that highlight their being able to negotiate peace with the Xindi and even have schools named in their honor. Jon has to smile when they hear that a British Navy ship has been named after Malcolm. Once the parade they participate in is over the crew goes to a welcome back ceremony and Jonathan is asked to give a speech.

He steps up to the podium, the podium adjusting itself as he gets there. Coming to the ideal height to catch his voice. "I've been told that people are calling us heroes. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me. But I think that it's important that we remember the heroes who aren't with us—the 27 crewmen who didn't make it back. Without their sacrifice, I wouldn't be standing here now, none of us would. But I'm sure I speak on behalf of my entire crew when I say—it's good to be home."

"I would also like to thank Commander Charles Tucker the third, without his contribution to the ship we would not have succeeded. It is his improvement of our engines, of all the ships systems that made it possible. When he was grievously injured in the line of duty, I despaired that we would not succeed without his help. I watched as he made step after step in his recovery, how determined he was in his efforts to get well enough to be of help again. And he succeeded, by the time we got home he was working in Engineering full time again. Offering a hand or advice when needed and once again his assistance was invaluable."

"Just as I'm sure Starfleet will remember those whom died, honoring them with formal recognition, I am sure they will recognize Trip's contribution. Honoring him for his years of dedication and his ability to overcome the limitations he was left with as a result of his injury."

"So as we celebrate the success of the mission, let us not forget those who sacrificed their lives and those who will live with the affects of that mission for life. So to the 27 who died and to all of the crew, my thanks."

Jon steps back from the podium listens to the cheering and smiles at Forrest. The Admiral nods in acknowledgement and shakes his head slightly. Even if Jon is reprimanded for formally mentioning Trip in his speech it has been worth it. He steps toward Malcolm and Trip who are side by side. Trip holding onto his cane and smiling slightly and Jon is so very glad he was able to convince Starfleet Command to let Trip join them on the platform. He takes his place with his crew and is truly honored that he serves with such fine people.


	44. Chapter 44

Malcolm and Trip spend the night together in a hotel, Trip longing to go see his family, both dreading the next day. "We see Admiral Forrest tomorrow." Trip says.

"I know," Malcolm holds Trip close. "If you can not ship out on the Enterprise when she leaves, I will transfer to Starfleet Command. I will not give you up and they have asked me to help with weapons design, defense systems and tactical planning before."

"I don't want you giving up your dreams for me." Trip tells him.

"I won't be, all of my dreams include being with you." Malcolm assures him, "as long as I am with you and working on weapons, whether they are on the Enterprise or in designing them, I will be happy. To give up you and go away, even knowing you would wait, would be to give up on my dreams and my happiness. I can not live without you Tucker."

"I can't live without you either." Trip says, "Mama is really looking forward to meeting you, you know. Wants to shake the hand of the man who's been at my side ever since the accident. The friend who's stuck by me from the shuttle pod till now, she's going to love you to pieces."

"I know, my parents want to meet you too. Father actually contacted me just to tell me that he was proud of me and glad I joined Starfleet. Talking of how I'll go far in it and how he and mother hope you and I are happy." Malcolm informs him.

Trip hugs him, "of course he's proud of you, there's no way he couldn't be. You're the best person I know besides myself."

Malcolm chuckles, drawing Trip in for a kiss. "That I am; I think I should warn you that Maddy wants to pinch your bum and thank you for making me so happy."

"Good to know, she sounds like an interesting woman." Trip smiles.

"She is," Malcolm and Trip hold each other close. Most of the king sized bed going to waste as they cuddle. "What do you plan to do if Starfleet won't let you back on Enterprise?"

"Mama says she could use my help with the shuttles and other things she's trying to design. That I can work on the putting it together part and she'll work on the design and mathematical parts." Trip says, "I hope we can go back onto Enterprise though, I'd miss her if she left without us."

"I would too and I would miss all of our friends onboard." Malcolm sighs; "It's useless to borrow trouble though. Until we speak with the admiral, we can't know if we'll stay on Earth or go with Enterprise."

"True," Trip says, "the parade was really nice. I really liked that one float that looked like a huge purple pig, though I'm not sure why it was in the parade."

"According to Travis, a purple pig is his mother's ship the Horizon's official mascot. They have a pig sized one that the crew moves from place to place, so she can keep an eye on her ship. They call her Purpig." Malcolm informs him.

Trip looks at him in disbelief, "really?"

"Yes really, he says the Kermit the frog float following him is the E.C.S. Redhead's mascot and that the captain of that boomer ship was actually on it."

Trip shakes his head, "Boomers are strange."

"I'll tell Travis you think so." Malcolm says.

They talk through the night of things they have seen while on Enterprise and how much they have learned. Knowing that without Enterprise they may have never met they hold each other even closer and thank Enterprise for bringing them together.


	45. Chapter 45

Trip and Malcolm enter Admiral Forrest's office and see Ambassador Soval sitting next to him. They take the seats right across from them and face the two men, holding each other's hand as they do so.

"So, Admiral, you wanted to see us?" Malcolm says in challenge, looking Maxwell in the eye.

"I did, Soval and I have been reviewing Enterprise's records together. We were particularly interested in what has happened with you two in the eight months since Commander Tucker's unfortunate accident." The admiral says, "You have both been through a lot and I think you should know we have heard from others onboard Enterprise on how they feel Commander Tucker should be allowed to return to her. That they believe you are an invaluable addition to the crew, that Enterprise's crew just wouldn't get along as well without you."

"Though I at first found this illogical, I have come to change my mind." Soval continues, "You have been able to do as much in Engineering as the various technicians do, offering to help other departments when needed and showing by example that one can make a difference regardless of a physical impairment."

"We have come to agree that Enterprise needs you Commander," Forrest says, "however we can only permit it if you go as a civilian consultant and on a trial basis. The physical requirements for a Starfleet officer are too stringent for you to pass. The trial basis lasting 6 months, if you can keep up the good work and continue being able to do the same job a technician does we will make the position permanent. Will you be willing to go back to Enterprise as a civilian consultant?"

"Yes, I would." Trip smiles.

"As for you Lieutenant Reed," Soval turns to him, "T'Pol has spoken very highly of you. I would like to commend you on your dedication to the ship and to your mate Commander Tucker. Having read all that you have done, I am forced to admit that humans are capable of much more than I had assumed. I have come to a greater respect and understanding of humans due to your example. I hope you and your mate have a long and prosperous life together."

"Thank you Ambassador." Malcolm says.

"I will be speaking with Captain Archer about your record Lieutenant," Admiral Forrest says, "and can say that a promotion for you should follow soon. I thank you and Commander Tucker for coming, will you need help finding the way out?"

"No sir," Malcolm replies, "we can find our way." He and Trip stand and head out together, walking in silence. Once they reach the gardens outside headquarters they sit on the bench.

"Did that really happen or am I hallucinating?" Trip asks.

"It really happened. Forrest and Soval were sitting side by side and actually getting along." Malcolm says with awe.

Trip chuckles and taps Malcolm's shoulder with a fist. "No, I meant, I will be allowed back on ship and you might possibly be promoted."

"I guess pig's really can fly." Malcolm says.

"I suppose so." Trip smiles, holding Malcolm for awhile. "Mal, can we go back to Florida to where the canyon is? Where I took you the last time we were on Earth? I'd like to go say good bye to Lizzie." Trip says and smiles as Malcolm kisses him.

"Of course," Malcolm says, "would you like to go now?"

"Yeah," Trip replies, "I've put off saying good bye for long enough."

They go to rent a hover car, the lady at the counter insisting on letting them have it for free. They get in and Malcolm flies them to Florida, lands them next to the flowering hedge that guards the site. Admiring the thin strip of garden lining the side, stretching as far as they can see. They make their way to the spot they were at before; Trip takes Malcolm's hand in his. "Lizzie, this is Malcolm, my Mal. You would have loved him and teased me about him and I will forever wish you could have met him. I miss you Lizzie and I will always miss you. Earth is safe from attack now, we've signed a peace treaty with the people who killed you and the others and are trying to build upon that."

Trip smiles, "I know you would have liked to see that, that you always preferred to see something built rather than see it torn down. I forgot that for awhile, but I promise to try to never forget it again. Goodbye Lizzie, take care of yourself and try not to cause trouble wherever it is that you've ended up."

Malcolm smiles, "that was lovely Trip."

"Thanks, now for the hard part." Trip turns to him, "I love you Malcolm. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

"Oh Trip, yes I will marry you." Malcolm kisses Trip. "Why did you ask me here?"

"The last time I was here the sight was full of death and destruction. And I was so empty." Trip says, "I wanted to replace the rage I felt here with love and happiness. You're saying yes has made me the happiest man alive. Now I can remember this place with joy, as the place we agreed to marry each other. Not just as the place Lizzie died."

Malcolm kisses Trip and then sighs. "I have the feeling the crew and our families won't allow us to have a small wedding. They will all want to come."

"Yep, it'll be fun." Trip says, "Let's go home, I want to start our honeymoon now and continue it till the day we die." Trip smiles at Malcolm and then looks one last time towards the canyon, so very glad at how far he's come and full of joy for having found Malcolm's love. Walking with his love, not knowing what the future holds, but knowing he'll always be able to turn to the man beside him and rejoice.

As they get to the hover car, he looks up to the sky and smiles. They get into the car and head toward the hotel, eager to continue their honeymoon and celebrate how much they have been given.

That night, Trip holds Malcolm in his arms, watching him sleep. He looks out the window at the stars and smiles, saying to whomever is listening, "thank you for Mal my Mal."


End file.
